Dialogue
How to get those voices out of your head and on to the screen
Basic Rules
- Rule Number 1: Use quotes to show what words are being spoken. In some parts of Europe both ' and “ are acceptable. We prefer that you use “. We will not accept any fiction that uses other symbols.
- • Correct: “This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie!” Bill said.
• Incorrect: 'This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie!' Bill said.
• Incorrect: This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie! Bill said.
• Incorrect: This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie! Bill said.
• Incorrect: «This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie!» Bill said.
• Incorrect: -This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie!- Bill said.
- • Correct:
- “This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie!” Bill said.
“And now, go in circles! Look at this stunt!” Tom said.
• Incorrect:
- “This is my little airplane, I'll call it Jumbie!” Bill said “And now, go in circles! Look at this stunt!” Tom Said.
- • Correct:
- “This is my little airplane. I'll call it Jumbie!” Bill said.
“And now, go in circles! Look at this stunt!” Tom said.
- “This is my little airplane, I'll call it Jumbie!”
“And now, go in circles! Look at this stunt!”
Rule Number 4: Punctuate correctly. Commas, exclamation points and question marks go inside the quotation marks. When the dialogue is followed by a speech tag like “he said”, the dialogue should end with a comma, not a period.
- • Correct: “It should make a landing,” Bill said.
• Correct: "It should make a landing," he said. (Please notice the lower case on "he"!)
• Correct: “It should make a landing!” Bill shouted.
• Correct: “Should it make a landing?” Bill asked.
• Incorrect: “It should make a landing.” Bill Said.
• Incorrect: “It should make a landing” Bil Said.
• Incorrect: "It should make a landing." He said.
- Tip Number 1: Add some action
The above examples are grammatically correct, but slightly dry with dialogue alone. Adding description and action at the right place in your dialogue can liven things up and make it more enjoyable to read.
- “This is my little airplane, I'll call it Jumbie!” Bill said, presenting the airplane to the camera as he bounced excitedly.
With the remote control in hand, Tom couldn't help but smile as he directed the actions of the toy plane. “And now, go in circles! Look at this stunt!”
This is good, but please do not overdo it. Not every line of dialogue should be followed by action. Some things speak for themselves.
Tip Number 2: Using “said” and its alternatives
Adding “said” to the end of every bit of dialogue as I have been doing in these examples can get tedious and boring. There are many alternatives to the word said, but their use should be done thoughtfully. It is better to have the dialogue itself convey the tone and thoughts of the speaker rather than indicating it in speech tags. Well written dialogue often does not require much help from the speech tag to indicate tone. Use variations in verbs when you need to indicate the type of speech such as shouting, whispering, or mumbling, but don't fall into the trap of relying on elaborate verbs rather than writing emotional and dynamic dialogue.
Tip Number 3: Vary the use and placement of speech tags
Speech tags can go before, after, or even in the middle of the speaker’s words. Identify the speaker in different places to improve the flow and style of you writing. Here're a few things to keep in mind:
- • The most important thing is for the reader to intuitively know who is speaking. The reader should know who is speaking the moment they see the quotation mark. This is a great thing to ask your beta reader about. Check with them to see if they had trouble knowing which character was speaking.
• Once your speakers and their flow have been established, you may be able to eliminate speech tags. Do this only when you have two speakers. With three or more speakers the reader quickly gets lost.
• Identify speakers at the beginning if they are speaking for the first time or have not been introduced yet.
• Consider alternatives to speech tags. The speaker can be identified in other ways, such as the example in Tip Number 1 with Tom's speech. It is clear that Tom is speaking, but a speech tag was not actually necessary.
Tip Number 4: Mix it up a little
Blocks of dialogue are boring and sometimes, difficult to read. To improve the style of your writing mix dialogue in with the thoughts and actions of your character. Illustrate what the speaker is doing and thinking as they speak. Dialogue alone can be very powerful in short bursts for a rapid conversation or argument, but in most cases you are better off mixing your dialogue in to the rest of your story.
Tip Number 5: Don't overdo it
Dialogue should not be the focus of your story. It should contribute to your story. Your story is not a movie and it's not a play. We do not need to see absolutely everything that is said. Include dialogue only when it moves the plot along, adds to the scene, makes a point, or demonstrates something important about the characters. A whole chapter of dialogue is tedious to read.
Tip Number 6: Stay in character
This is a tough one since we are all writing in English when in reality the Tokio Hotel boys would actually be speaking in German. However, it's still important to consider what sort of language each character would use. Consider the character's age, personality, and emotional state when writing their dialogue. The Tokio Hotel boys are probably not going to be using formal language when speaking. If you are writing about young characters consider what sort of vocabulary a child at that age has. Keep in mind not only who is talking, but who they are talking to and where they are.
Tip Number 7: Translation
Don't insert random German into your story! Yes, we know that the Tokio Hotel boys are from Germany, but unless you plan to write your whole story in German, please just write their dialogue in English. We all know a few words in German thanks to Tokio Hotel, but there’s no reason to replace “no” with “nein” or “please” with “bitte”. There are a few acceptable times to insert German words into your story. For example, if you are writing that the boys are in the US and speaking English but occasionally slip up and say something in German, it would make sense to include the German. Another example of a time when German dialogue works is "Recessional” by Little Muse. In one chapter she includes Bill speaking German while Tom speaks English. In this case the slight sense of confusion was intentional and it made sense.
The bottom line is, switch to German only if you have a reason to. Do not just randomly insert German words into English sentences. The reader is supposed to just assume that the group is speaking German all the time even though we are reading the story in English.