Date: 08/07/11 10:35 pm Title: Pain of Love
I read this at school and I usually don't read exceptionally heart breaking stories at school because I hate people seeing me crying but I love this story so much and it broke my heart that Tom tried to kill himself.
Date: 10/09/10 01:19 pm Title: Pain of Love
Heartbreaking and beautiful.
I actually loved the point of view switch, and I followed it easily. It added dimension to the story that we wouldn't have had if it had been all Tom's point of view.
Improvement wise, I'd say just try to explain feelings in a more novel way, less cliche. Pain engulfing the heart, the heart bursting into flames - these were once very vivid, but they've been used so many times that the meaning has faded. Just try to think of a different, new way to say the same thing.
Don't let that get you down, though. I have the same problem, just like a lot of other people. This story really was wonderful. It brought tears to my eyes.
Date: 05/12/10 06:40 pm Title: Pain of Love
beautiful story...i listened to the song the whole time!!!! i love how you tell the story as if Tom is telling Bill what happened...interseting. if you keep writing stories like this, you can't ever go wrong. awesome!!!!
Date: 03/30/10 07:22 am Title: Pain of Love
It got me a bit teary eyed at the end, but it was too short for my tastes! I need moooore drawn out angst, pages and pages. I crave it! Write mooooooreeee hahahaa
Author's Response: honestly, this was a lot longer than i had originally intended it to be, lol. sometimes short and sweet does the trick better than overly drawn out. Though i do tend to agree with you, the longer fics seem to resonate more with me. I just don't have much of a talent yet for extended writing. Sorry for the tears, but i'm glad i managed to touch you in some way :)
Date: 03/29/10 10:54 pm Title: Pain of Love
Very good. I enjoyed it very much it kept me on the edge because I didn't know what was going to happen next! The only thing I would like to point out is try to use more quotations because I got a little confused at times not knowing if they were thinking or they were talking
Author's Response: I think the fact that the perspectives changed between the chapters may have added to the confusion of thinking versus talking. For some reason, when i wrote this i didn't consider that people wouldn't get right away the transition from Tom to Bill, because of course everyone is pychic! -.-' But thank you for pointing it out to me, i'll work on making myself a bit clearer in the future. And, i'm glad you liked the story :D
Date: 02/10/10 11:16 am Title: Pain of Love
This was pretty good. The only suggestion I have towards your writing style is that the story becomes a bit confusing in ch 2 when you started using "You". I couldn't tell at first who was speaking, and saying "you" puts the reader in the position of the other character. Just saying =) But overall the story was nice^^
Author's Response: Thanks so much, i never looked at it that way. I've been really working hard to be a better writer, so the constructive critisism is much appreciated :D
Date: 02/07/10 03:52 pm Title: Pain of Love
Awww Poor Tom :( Loved it just wished it was longer
Author's Response: I know right, poor Tom indeed. But it was all good in the end :) As for it being longer, lol, it was actually longer than i had originally intended it to be. I hope you liked it anyway. thanks so much for the r/r!