Date: 07/29/09 12:27 pm Title: what happened to Bill?
AHHH how could that asshole do such a thing to poor Billi. god i hate Gordon's guts! he has no right to do that!
ahh please write more soon!!
Author's Response: thanks yeah he an ass lol i'm writing so should be up soon XD x
Date: 07/29/09 03:56 am Title: what happened to Bill?
OMG Tom's dad is evil!!!!
I wanted to smack him!
This is really getting good though.
Update soon please!!
Author's Response: u should smack him lol thanks for the review i'm updating soon x :P
Date: 07/29/09 03:03 am Title: what happened to Bill?
OMG Gordon is just crazy... poor Bill D:
I don't know why Tom keeps falling down on his father traps...
Like the story so much please update soon
Author's Response: glad u like it i will thanks for the review x :D
Date: 07/28/09 08:00 pm Title: what happened to Bill?
stupid gordon!!!!! thanks!!!! continue!!
Author's Response: i will thanks for the review x XD
Date: 07/28/09 07:13 pm Title: what happened to Bill?
Just read this! I dont like Gordon, hes a bit mean, more than a bit. Poor Bill. I hope he can open up to Tom. I really love this =) Xx
Author's Response: thanks and yeah gordon is mean grr lol x :D
Date: 07/28/09 06:08 pm Title: what happened to Bill?
Damn he is so evil. Bill! You're gonna get in much bigger messes if you don't start saying things! (to Tom...) And Tom...follow your instinct. If it feels like a prison, is filled with miserable people and the master of the house acts like a warden, then it IS a prison.
Author's Response: thanks for the review :D x and yeah i think Tom should follow his instinct 2 !
Date: 07/28/09 05:28 pm Title: Meeting my slave
Hey! This story's plot-line is very good and enjoyable! But there are a few things that make this story hard to read for me, so Iemme give you some constructive criticism so you can get more readers and improve your writing skills :)
1. I think you should get a beta-reader who is good with grammar and spelling. You tend to have a lot of those related mistakes, just hiding in your sentences, but to someone who reads in depth, they bother me and I can't finish reading.
2. Your POV is very messy. It's a small peeve of me when authors feel the need to put *Bills POV* or etc to tell me that it is his point of view.
You should learn to write so that I can tell it is his POV without the indicator. That talent is what all good authors should have.
Your POV is also messy in the fact that you are making the characters think things, then contradicting it.
An example; But what I didn’t see was the evil smirk on my father’s face as I left.
That was Tom's POV....how was he thinking that? He didn't see it. You cannot add that sentence in his POV if he didn't directly see it or think it.
You make these types of mistakes all the time in this story, unfortunately. Slave!Bill stories are something I enjoy a lot, and I think you can improve this story.
Date: 07/28/09 02:17 am Title: Flashback's and blossom trees
This is one of the best tokio hotel fic's I've ever read. I hope Tom finds out about Bills past soon. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: OMG thanks i will thank you soo much x :D
Date: 07/28/09 01:40 am Title: Flashback's and blossom trees
Knitting ...LOL.
I really love this.
Keep going .
Author's Response: awww thanks lol x :D
Date: 07/28/09 01:00 am Title: Flashback's and blossom trees
Cute, but they need to talk. Maybe Bill can spend the time figuring out what he needs to say.
Author's Response: awww YES thank you i have idea's lol x :D
Date: 07/27/09 11:01 pm Title: Meeting my slave
OMG "showing his lovely tanned body and perfect view of his ass"
I almost died.
Nice chapter! I can't wait to read more :]
Date: 07/27/09 10:55 pm Title: Flashback's and blossom trees
I lol'd at the ending sentence XDDD
i love this story
Author's Response: haha glad u love it XD x
Date: 07/27/09 05:04 pm Title: Flashback's and blossom trees
haha i love the last line! it just made me giggle a lot!
great chapter!! as usual of course!
please write more soon!!!
Author's Response: haha lol thanks i write more soon xx :D
Date: 07/27/09 01:35 pm Title: Flashback's and blossom trees
plz update sooon thx=]
Date: 07/24/09 10:21 pm Title: lies,fights and down right wrong things
*gasp* what's going on with Bill?
update! quick! :D
Author's Response: ah well you going to have to wait and see haha lol i'll upatdate soon! thanks for the rewview x
Date: 07/24/09 10:11 pm Title: lies,fights and down right wrong things
Well now I'm dying to know Bill's story. He must have an unfortunate history. As for Tom's new step mom, calling her a whore is going a bit far...
Author's Response: haha welll you going to have to wait and see ;) about tom and his step mom well you going to have to see why he hates it so much!! thanks for the review x
Date: 07/24/09 09:43 pm Title: lies,fights and down right wrong things
I feel bad for the both of them about their parents. I hope Bill opens up to Tom/ He may be the only on who can help him.
Author's Response: ahh don't feel to bad on them and I think that Bill will open up soon :D thanks for the review x
Date: 07/24/09 06:50 pm Title: lies,fights and down right wrong things
update osoon plz thx=]
Date: 07/23/09 01:50 am Title: Meeting my slave
Aaw! Cute chapter. :]
update again soon please!
Author's Response: thanks updating soon! x
Author's Response: thanks updating soon! x
Date: 07/21/09 11:12 pm Title: Guilty Pleasures
aww, bill so sweet and childishly obedient :D. awesome chapter. continue please
Author's Response: thanks i have the next chapter already writen and yes bill is a sweetie :D xx thanks for the review