Date: 09/08/18 09:57 pm Title: The End
this was a good story!!
you should do a sequel to this
Date: 10/11/13 04:31 am Title: The End
this was a really good story
Date: 10/26/11 07:01 pm Title: The End
I'm sorry I didn't review for every chapter but I couldn't read this story fast enough.
I think this is one of my fave twincest fics. I could almost picture this happening for real and it was such a nice, gentle segue into a relationship.
I loved this very much. Danke. :)
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed reading this!
Date: 04/02/10 10:51 pm Title: The Interrogation
XD mmmmmm
Author's Response: :)
Date: 04/02/10 10:18 pm Title: The Discovery
hehe wow this is great!
Author's Response: Thank you, again!
Date: 04/02/10 10:07 pm Title: The First Time
yay1 that was really hawt. *fans face*
Author's Response: Thanks! I appreciate the reviews, very much. It's nice to know someone is enjoying my hard work.
Date: 04/02/10 09:49 pm Title: The Realization
omg i really like this, great job!
Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it!
Date: 04/02/10 09:20 pm Title: The Stars
im lovin this! thank you!
Author's Response: :) No, thank you!
Date: 05/06/09 04:43 pm Title: The Stars
Awwwww, his own personal star! That's sooo sweet!
Author's Response: Thank you. That's what I was going for. :)
Date: 04/20/09 08:07 pm Title: The Discovery
This is my 1500th review.
"Okay, Tom, tell me what's going on. Are you and Bill having sex? Are you together?" He demanded. – um a little quick to the gun.
I closed my eyes as I felt the roof of my mouth sting. –really I always burn my tongue not the roof of my mouth.
I could see he was about to drop into one of his famed sulks, so I grinned. "Yes, Bill and I are having sex. Yes, we are together."
His face transformed into a grin. "I knew it! This fits my theory." – uh! *shifty eyes* *shakes head* no I don’t like this logic.
"Tom," Gustav called out from his bunk, "Would you say you've been in love with Bill from your childhood until now, or did it just start recently?" – lol funny
The G’s are too ok with this.
"It's fucking freezing out there!" Georg exclaimed. - *sigh* you’ve pigeonholed Georg as the dunce, and Gustav as the nerd, Tom as the one who is romantic, and Bill as the sweet cuddly one. *sigh*
He shivered his way over to us. "I don't care if you two fuck your lives away. Just share some body heat, please?" – what? *sigh*
"Speak for yourself." Gustav said, making our entire huddle jump. "I want to see them interact. Recording the differences should make for interesting studying. For instance, Bill, do you feel that Tom will take better care of you, now that you are together?" – ok this is funny but so not realistic.
Author's Response: Yay! Wow, 1500 reviews! Thats amazing. I burn my tongue, too, but for some reason it's always the roof of my mouth that stings... hmm. Must be the way I drink? My logic is off, I know! I didn't notice it until now, though. Thanks ^_^ I think I was trying to escape reality a little on this one. Sorry! I appreciate the criticisms, thank you very much!
Date: 04/20/09 07:42 pm Title: The First Time
That’s it with Gustav? No real freak out? Or conversation or worry? *sigh* no good
"No, of course not. We had a few drinks, came back here and watched a movie. I got her number for Georg, because she's quite obsessed with him." – yeah like that would happen…it’s always the other way around.
I trembled at his whispered words, and rolled over so I was on top of him. His eyes closed when I nibbled on his collarbone, and he practically screamed when I scraped my calloused hands down his hips to his erection, which was tenting his boxers. I wanted so badly to touch him all over. I licked down to where my hands were. – too much time spent on some details and not enough on others. And while some of your words are really good (trembled, nibbled, collarbone, practically screamed when I scraped my calloused hands down his hips to his erection) it’s too fast, too soon. Half of a good sex scene is the tension before the sex. If it’s a PWP you get right into it. If it’s a story then you build into it.
One slender hand pushed the back of my head, and the other tugged on my dreads. The conflicting messages didn't bother me. I knew Bill. He wanted me to continue, but he didn't want me to think he was pressuring me. – this is good, really good!
He opened his eyes, and lifted his hips. – he opened his eyes what? I need an adjective here like something that shows lust, or worry or nervousness.
"Tell me, Billa. Tell me exactly what you want." – that’s hot!
He opened his eyes, and raised his eyebrow. I could feel the heat run from his eyes straight through my body, directly to my groin. He hissed quietly.
"Hss, Tomi, what do I want? I want you to put that," He ran his fingers over my lips, "On my cock. I want you to lick it, suck it, and rub it. Then, when you think I'm about to come, I want you to slip that long finger into me, as far as it will go, and hit my prostate. You want to know what else I want?"
I nodded, dumbstruck.
He lifted his mouth to my ear. His lips brushed my ear as he whispered. "I want you to fuck me, Tomi. I want your long, hard cock so far up me I can't help but scream your name. I want you to screw me, make love to me. I want you all over me, and when you come, I want you to spill all over my belly." – ok while really really really hot it’s a total side swipe…there’s never been any evidence in your of Bill being the aggressor or having this kind of vocabulary or that he has explicit knowledge of anal sex. I wanted more of a heads up about his way with words.
I was harder than I thought was possible. I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of my twin's mouth. He looked so innocent, but the words... they were so dirty.
He was writhing beneath me, so I assumed that he liked it. – but nothing about sound? Tisk-tisk! Also they’re doing this on the bus? There’s like no room and at least two other people on it with them, during the day? Or is it night? I have no idea.
I slipped my finger into my mouth, and got it soaking wet. – along with his cock?
He arched his back, and I felt a slightly harder spot. – does Tom know how to find a prostate?!
I swallowed twice, and gently pulled away from him. – nice I love it when Tom swallows!
Bill slipped his hands over mine, and whispered, "Let me."
He had my dick so far down his throat I thought he would choke, but he kept swallowing. – great and hot but how did he get there and did they switch positions?
Author's Response: This chapter is not my favorite. I was working through writers' block and got really sloppy. Thanks for the criticism!
Date: 04/20/09 07:28 pm Title: The Realization
I was slowly becoming sure that I wasn't just dreaming or imagining things: Bill cared for me more than he let show. I was positive he was hiding some very un-brotherly feelings. – nice way for Tom to slowly figure it out…nice transition from clueless to ah! Moments…
The only thing that didn't fit was that damned groupy... whats-her-face, Stacy. I fiddled with one of my dreads, and tried to remember exactly what had been said about her.
His face brightened. "I was on Wikipedia yesterday, and I found this totally cool stuff about twincest. – dude does Gustav have a fetish for this? Will he want pictures or to watch? *shakes head*
I decided I would make it much harder for him to hide them. - *nods* that’s a pretty good way to confirm your suspicion.
He said as he crawled over me. I tried my hardest to keep my groin covered. He didn't need to know I was sporting a hardon. "So why did you crawl into my bunk?"
I smirked. "Aw, I just couldn't stay away from you."
A tiny flash of panic went through his eyes. – nicely played!
"I think you are amazing. I can't believe you are my twin most of the time. I mean, how can we be identical when you are so ... YOU, and I'm so me?" – nicely worded!!!
My eyes flew open, and met his. "What do you think about it?"
He was the one blushing now. "I... I think maybe I want to try again, see what you do when you are sober. I think that maybe kissing you was the best kiss I ever had." - *groans* this is very well worded but I wish that you had drug it out more like at least a chapter or two…*makes a face*
The curtain ripped open, and we jerked back from each other, and stared at the intruder. - *cracks up* GUSTAV!!!! You are such a pervert!
Author's Response: Glad this wasn't too bad! I appreciate the criticisms! I'll try to work on drawing out the tension. :)
Date: 04/20/09 07:17 pm Title: The Stars
I had tried to get Bill drunk, but he doesn't like getting drinking that much on the bus. He was starting to realize something was up. When I'd offered him my whiskey bottle earlier, he'd just raised his eyebrow and shook his head. – Not on the bus stupid! At least wait for a hotel!
He looked so warm and sexy. I wanted to jump him. – *laughs*
The scene in the bus and looking up at the stars is very intimate.
Bill tilted his head back, and glanced up at the stars. "You looked like one of them, just fallen down here to be my twin. All sparkly and perfect." – awh that’s very romantic.
Transition chapter...it's another scene where we establish what Tom's feelings are and that Bill is...well yeah I figured it out, in love with him too.
Author's Response: Glad you liked it... I think? lol. I love your reviews. They are a learning experience.
Date: 04/20/09 06:54 pm Title: The Kiss
I licked my lip ring, imagining it was his tongue touching me. A small moan escaped my lips, and I decided to go out for a smoke before I let everyone in on my thoughts. - *quietly snorts* lol poor Tom!
According to Gustav it happened a lot in literature. I wouldn't know. I don't read unless I absolutely have to. – Good detail.
My next inhale tasted a little stale, and I opened my eyes and held the cigarette up in front of my face. I'd only had one hit, and it was already a butt. – nice…I’m not sure what that would be…movement of time? *shrugs* it’s good nun the less.
I could see Gustav examining me. He knew something was up, but I didn't think he'd figured it out yet. – well that’s good, and a nice detail it’s still a secret…*shifty eyes* for a while…
Soon I was ensconced in my hotel room, short twenty bucks and a kiss. – first very funny, second dude I’ve never even heard the word ensconced! Way to bring vocabulary words back, that’s very sexy!
I was confused. Why would Bill have left ... Stacy? for me? It made no sense. – He is your brother…but I’m sure we’ll find out soon. BTW I like the role play switch. Bill the player, Tom the romantic, *nods* that’s fun.
"Doesn't matter, Bill. Where's your groupy?"
Bill wrinkled his nose, and took the bottle right out of my hand. I frowned at my hand, willing the muscles to move, but it refused. – hum?! There’s something going on here…
Why no hang over and did Bill drink the rest of the vodka?
You move the story along nicely but when you change scenes sometimes it’s a little stilted…I think it only needs a sentence to clear up each transition.
Bill looked a cross between releaved and disappointed. "Oh. Well, in that case, you want me to tell you what went on?" – O_O ok what went on?
"You drank, I drank, we got wasted, and then ... ... ... we kissed." – wow why did he bother to share if he knew Tom didn’t rememeber?
He waved a manicured hand at me. "I kinda started it. I kissed you." – he’s sharing because he liked it.
Fascinated at this, I tried to figure out the psychology behind THAT. Then, a thought occured to me. "What did I do?" – ha ha OMG what about me? O_O very funny
Bill grinned. "Kissed me back and tried to feel me up. Unlucky for you that I don't have breasts. After that you called me a 'damned girl', and asked how you ended up in bed with me."
I couldn't restrain a laugh. "Oh, god. That must have been embarrassing." – and with that they’re fine? wow
I would just try to endure it, and get him drunk as often as possible. Who knows? Maybe he'll kiss me again, and this time I'll remember it. – naughty boy!
Author's Response: I'm still working kinks out of this one. :) Thanks for the critical response, it's what I need to get better. ^_^
Date: 03/17/09 02:07 pm Title: The End
great story! Can u do a sequel? I want to know what happens
Author's Response: I'm musing over it right now. If I can think of a good plot line for a sequel, I'll do one. :) Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 03/17/09 10:02 am Title: The End
awww thank you for the thanks thats the first time i been thanked
Author's Response: Your welcome. It's the least I can do for my reviewers!
Date: 03/17/09 08:18 am Title: The End
mein gott... I'm speechless.. that is all...
this have been great, maybe a sequel?
Author's Response: Maybe! Depends on my muse. :)
Date: 03/17/09 07:34 am Title: The End
You are amazing, I started reading this last night, then tracked it so I would remember(My mind likes to play tricks on me like that), and woke up this morning to another chapter.
I haven't been this excited since I heard Bill moan for the first time.
Feel honored!.
x].
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! ^_^ I feel incredibly honored!
Date: 03/17/09 02:42 am Title: The End
why hullo there!
aww i cant believe its over! :'(
but yay! the G's are together and so are the twins!
the ending, unless you rplanning a sequal *hint hint*, feel a little...sudden like its the end of a chapter rather than the end of a story if that makes sense? Im really sad its over now..what else am i gonna do at 2/6 am??
mtons of love
xXx
*showers you in skittles*
Author's Response: Hiya back! I'm a little sad it's over. I always am. :( I'll probably start a new fic pretty quickly, whether it's a sequel or a brand new one. I can't go too long without my writing fix. :D tons of love back!!! *basks in the skittles*
Date: 03/17/09 02:25 am Title: The Storm
hi *waves*
aww poor billa they cant seperate the twins they might actually die!
not a long review caus i need to read the next chapter as you finishde it while ii was sleeping so now i got lots to read :)
xXx
Author's Response: hi *waves back*