Date: 04/08/13 09:31 am Title: Part Four
Oohh! Thats Tom for sure! Please more!
Date: 10/09/10 03:51 pm Title: Part Four
Love this story so far PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
Date: 06/27/09 10:24 am Title: Part Four
This is the first thing I've read in ages - and I love it!
I have a couple of pieces of advice though. The first is mainly for the future: try and keep your cast small, so you can properly describe and include each. You've already had loads, and it gets hard to keep track of who's who.
The second is to add more description - though you are better than most at describing. Remember,, you don't just describe people, but places, actions and emotions. Also, think about how you describe. All those devices your english teacher went on about? Use them. Personification, metaphors, similies, alliteration, sibilance, assonance, repitition, traidic structures, symbolism. All of that - while sounding terribly dull - really does pick up your writing.
Lastly, sentence structure. Long, short, complex, compound, emphatic - vary! Also, try to avoid constantly starting with nouns over and over - not good writing. You can use propositions, or actions or words like 'unfortunately' and 'hopefully' - so go a bit mad. Try and vary your language as well, especially with things like adjectives. Otherwise we all get a bit bored of have 'said' repeated, and remember: a list of adjectives is not a description!
Anyway, I look forward to the next update!
Date: 04/28/09 12:22 am Title: Part Four
awwwwwwwww the chapter ended i hope u write more
Date: 04/23/09 09:10 pm Title: Part Four
wat the fuck
it was getting good
u HAVE to make anothere chapter
pleaes
Date: 03/20/09 11:09 pm Title: Part Three
Oh, it's a really beautiful story so far! I am dozing in front of the computer so I have to ask for your apologize because I am not going to be able to read the rest right now -I'll read it tomorrow, anyway XD.
My favourite part is when Ashley stared at the Gibson XD -I've never seen one, face to face I mean, I have seen them on TV whenever I can see a Tokio Hotel concert on it n.nUu.
I loved the story! I'll promise that I'll finish my reading later n.n
Date: 03/20/09 05:48 pm Title: Part Four
ooo !
more !
Date: 03/06/09 09:04 am Title: Part Three
ooooo , i like it ;)
Date: 03/04/09 06:24 pm Title: Part Three
yay !
another chappie :D
it's soo good !
Date: 03/01/09 07:29 pm Title: Part Three
i really like it!! i can't wait to see if she calls him or they see each other at the afterparty!
Date: 02/24/09 10:35 pm Title: Part Two
i like this chapter :]
continue! =D
Date: 02/24/09 06:34 pm Title: Part Two
yay.
this is amazing(:
Date: 02/24/09 04:41 pm Title: Part Two
more pleaseeeeee