Date: 07/09/09 09:52 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Six
No more disappearing of the face of the Earth!!!!
Author's Response: OKAY!!! I promise
Date: 07/09/09 09:46 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Six
-tackles- YOU UPDATED! :D It's fine that you took your time. I completely understand. The wait just made me THAT much more excited to see the update. I can't wait to see what happens next and I really don't like Crea!
Author's Response: HAHAH!! Yeah i did... finally. Lol.. I'm glad that you understand what I'm taking about. It shouldn't take long for me to update. Yeah I don't like crea either.
Date: 07/03/09 01:29 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
Post soon i can't wait
Author's Response: Lol... okay. I'm just going to finish another fic that has just two chapis left then i'm going to get back to this one
Date: 06/21/09 04:38 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
more! :D :D
Author's Response: I'll try and add more soon
Date: 06/14/09 05:35 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
Omg so sexy that smut made me giggle but is crea samy deluxe because when u brought up braids i thought it was
Author's Response: Lol.... I'm glad you liked the smut and no Crea and Samy Deluxe are two different people
Date: 05/26/09 06:06 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
cute! i love it!
Author's Response: Yeah... I'm glad
Date: 05/26/09 05:36 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
LMAO
BILL IS SUCH A PERVERT! I love that!
This story is fucking amazing
Author's Response: Hahahahhha!!! so true... he is a perv...
Date: 05/26/09 05:16 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
you know what i'd love to see in this story? A Bill bottoming and/or sucking Tom. I mean, I'm a sucker for bottoming Tom, but Bill said before that he never did that, so it'd take a lot of love and all, and it'd be romantic, really really romantic.
Author's Response: HAHAHHA!!! I'll think about it and maybe i'll put it in
Date: 05/26/09 04:57 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
OMG!!! Tom has stiches whats he thinking? Please don't leave me hanging here.
Author's Response: He's being Tom... that's it. Lol... all good. I keep writing and post soon.
Date: 05/26/09 04:48 pm Title: Fantasy Three
Hmmm. I don't know what to say about this story, but I'm going to try and be constructive.
The plot idea is good. It's interesting enough and it's different than what we usually see b/c Tom usually doesn't bottom, but I've got to say that the characters in your story are a bit weak.
From the first chapter, Tom is already drooling over Bill like some kind of uncontrollable pervert, yet he's still this shy wallflower? That doesn't make any sense. If he can be having such an intense sexual relationship with Crea, then all the blushing and etc with Bill just seems odd. It's like Tom is this pure little virgin with Bill and, I don't know, it just bugs.
There's just no....character development here. Usually the first couple of chapters are spent getting to know the characters and actually feeling something for them. Tom is the main character, so I should be rooting for him and for him to succeed. However, everyone was introduced so quickly and without any of kind of decription or background story that I find myself not really caring who ends up with whom and vice versa.
The trick to writing is telling a story and getting your readers to immerse themselves in the fic. So far all I'm seeing is Tom having a weird penchant for yelling at himself in this thoughts, constantly and silently demanding that Bill fuck him and Bill, who is supposed to be Crea's best friend is so boldly saying that Crea doesn't deserve Tom?
Wow, some best friend. I'd have rather you said that Bill was just some other acquaintance who didn't know Crea at all. And Crea would let Bill fuck Tom? Um, what?
Seriously. What?
This story plot is a good idea, like I said, but the way it's being written needs to be fleshed out A LOT more. Like tons more. You need to start from the beginning, flesh out the characters more, have us care about Tom more rather than just having him go: "God dammit, why won't you fuck me then?" over and over. I mean, God, I know Bill is good looking, but that is really unrealistic how you keep having Tom have this weird case of non-verbal tourettes. I'm just saying.
I read 3 chapters in, hoping to find something a bit deeper with the characters, but so far I'm not being successful. This story isn't terrible by any means, but it still needs a lot of work. Not only do the characters need work, but a lot of words are misspelled and some grammar is off.
My suggestion to you is this: Once you are completely done with this story, and have finished posting it, go back to the beginning and flesh everything out. Spend more time with character development and get your readers to sympathize and care about your major and minor characters. Make the build up between Tom and Bill--the attraction, I mean--happen more slowly and believably. Keep your character traits consistant. Dont' tell me that Tom can call up his boyfriend loudly proclaiming to not only Crea, but Andi as well, that he's fucking horny and needs to be fucked, and then have him blushing in the next scene with Bill and acting like some fragile bride. I HATE that in these stories. These are GUYS. Not girls. Stop having them act like girls.
Anyway, a "A" for effort. The above comments in my review are not to discourage you but rather to urge you to improve.
Author's Response: Hey thanks. No I don't take it in any bad way. Thanks for the suggestions and I'll work on it when the story is done and when I got the time to. Anyway thanks again.
Date: 05/26/09 03:05 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
Sheeesh, Bill. Slash writing 101. Don't make Tom sound so helpless and like a girl! :P
He should check out some other fine writing in this place, haha, done by other guys. ;-)
Author's Response: HAHAHHA!!! Yeah he's making Tom sound like a little girl. HAHAHAHHAHA!!! yeah he should
Date: 05/26/09 12:44 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
Oh, delicious! Bill was so sweet taking Tom out on a proper date and everything. They're just so damn cute together :P
Author's Response: lol... I know he is a sweetie pie. yup they are
Date: 05/26/09 11:27 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
so goood (Y)
Author's Response: Lol.
Date: 05/26/09 09:08 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
Yes master! reviewing now! please don't make me regret it! lol, jk. I loved Bill's fic in this. Incredibly funny. :P keep updating please!
Author's Response: HAHAHAHAH!!! Master eh??? that's so funny. I will... soon
Date: 05/26/09 12:54 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
Such a cute story Bill wrote!
Author's Response: HAHAHAH!!! Yeah it's cute.
Date: 05/26/09 12:47 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
i totally luv your story, it`s full of great love between them...hope you can update soon.
Author's Response: YEAH!!! Yeah it's a cute love
Date: 05/26/09 12:41 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
OMG why did u leave it like that?!?! the best part was about to come haha sorry...
I like so much your story! please continue soon!
Author's Response: Lol... Yeah i know... but i left the good part for the next chapi. I'm super glad you like it. I'll post more soon
Date: 05/26/09 12:31 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
-tackles- HOI BETCH! :D Loved this chapter, as always. Don't make me regret reviewing :D
Author's Response: Lol... I`m glad you did. Lol... i won`t
Date: 05/26/09 12:15 am Title: Fantasy Twenty-Five
man...what a place to stop...I was so looking forward to some sex. Still good though.
Author's Response: Lol... I'll put some in the next chapi don't worry. I'm glad it was still good without the smut.
Date: 05/19/09 07:20 pm Title: Fantasy Twenty-Four
aw i love it! cute filler... udpate!
Author's Response: LOl... I'll try and do that soon... I have one thing to do so it might not be until friday the next update.