Hey there. I wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings before. I'm only trying to help, but I also feel bad for upsetting you. Believe me that is not my intention.

ON a good note, this chapter was a lot better and I was able to get into the story. The dialogue between Tom and Bill was interesting and--dare I say it--slightly flirtatious? :D

Only one thing I'm noticing in this chapter: You use the word "ugh" in your sentence as an unsure pause between words, and it is not the correct form. Here is the difference:

1) "Oh, uh, do you maybe want to stay the night?"

2) The boy threw a bucket of toy slime on her brand new shoes. "Ugh!" She yelled in digust. "What is wrong with you?!"

'Ugh' is generally a word people use when they are expressing disgust or extreme dislike.

Another example of it would be: "Ugh, I've got so much homework tonight!"

Anyway, this chapter was tons better so I think you're really hitting your stride with the story now. Just watch the tiny mistakes with word usage and misspellings. :DDDDD

Author's Response: Oh I know exactly what you mean about the 'ugh' thing. Got it. I'll try to remember that one. You don't have to apolgise for hurting my feelings, I'm just a great big softy and want everyone to like my story. So really, no hard feelings don't worry about it! I'm glad you're getting more into the story, that makes me feel pretty good. Thanks againf or giving my story a chance. :):)

Oh gott that was beautiful! That end there was just EXQUISIT! Mmm I want to eat it up. You're terribly amazing and I can't wait for the next chapter *woot*

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I just wanted to take a minute and express the love between Bill and Tom, because that's really what this story is about. :)

Hmmm. I am having a hard time getting into this fic. Tom's inner monloguing is very hard to swallow. Thoughts should be more...I don't know...fluid and everything he's thinking is stilted, in a separate sentence and just all around...odd. I don't know. There were lines at the beginning that I desperately wanted you to group together instead of having them separated, because you don't need to separate every single thought or action. It gets distracting.

The attack on the man was odd to me as well. I expected Tom to attack him a lot sooner and not dilly dally around with dialogue.

Also the redundant thing was showing again. For instance when Tom thought about not letting Bill walk home alone. Common sense dictates that Tom means to follow Bill, but you wrote right after that: Well, he would think he was entirely alone... and that wasn't needed.

You could have phrased it like this: But of course, I wasn't going to let him walk home alone and silently began to shadow him as he moved down the street. Saying it that way gets the point across that a) Tom is a nice vampire--or at least caring enough b) that he plans to see Bill safely hom and c) That Bill has no clue that he's being followed by Tom. That's three differend points you made in one sentence.

I'm going to continue to read on because I want to give this a chance, I really do. While your writing is good, it also seems a little mechanical spelling out every little thought and action from Tom's POV. Loosen it up a little. This story has a lot of potential and I only want it to be the best. I apologize in advance, but I can be honest to a fault, but I'm trying to give constructive criticism here because I do that for other authors on their work and also expect it back on my stories as well.

I'll read and review more later.

Author's Response: I really do appretiate your honesty because I do want to be the best writer I can be. But I'm not going to pretend that some of the things you say don't bother me just a tiny bit, in the sense that I'm pretty sensitive. I don't want you to stop being honest but, well I'm just a big softy most of the time because I know you don't mean anything bad about my story or me when you write your reviews. Writing well, it was never a huge strong point with me, I hated english classes. Writing is just something I do that makes me feel good and I'm glad people read it and enjoy it. So overall I will take into consideration the things that you've said and hope my writing and story only gets better. And in no way do I want you to feel like I have any negatives feelings towards you because of your reviews and if I take things a bit harsher than most, I appretiate the honesty and that you're taking the time to tell me. :)

This is a decent start. I decided to give this vampire fic a chance because I do so love vampire stories and they are hardly ever finished. I don't know what it is about them, but people tend to start them quickly and then just lose interest. I hope you are not one of those.

Anyway, the first chapter is decent, like I said and it sets the story up and gives a bit of background on Tom. Just be careful of being a bit too redundant when you write. I found that Tom's inner monologue could have flowed a bit more smoother, a bit quicker and it was almost as if he was thinking in circles. It's a fine balance in a story where you have to learn how to unfold your story with sufficient descriptions, yet move at a good pace to keep your readers interested. For me, I get that Tom hates what he is, but there was a tad bit too much re-hashing of that fact. If you re-read this first part, you'll see he just goes on and on about the same thing--just in different ways. So, in the future, just watch that and make sure you're not "beating a dead horse" and you'll be fine. A helpful suggestion would be to show Tom's self-hatred through actions instead of him always thinking it, just to change things up a bit and keep the plot fresh.

Anyway, other than that minor thing, I really enjoyed this and I'm heading off to part 2 now. :D

Eeeep! What's going to happen?! I can't wait to read more. This is so exciting. I love this story so much! I'm going to go nuts until chapter 20 is out.

Author's Response: Thank you! :) I should be able to update soon, hopefully. :) I can't tell you what's going to happen, that would ruin it! :P

What an introspective and beautifully written chapter! This was the perfect setup for the coming action...it really does feel like the proverbial calm before the storm!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you. That was exactly what I was trying to do with this chapter, setting up the pieces before I knock them all down. I really wanted to again show the depth of the love between Bill and Tom and I hope I managed. Thanks for reading. :)

i have goosse bumps.

Author's Response: :):)

im having some background music while i was reading this. im imagining this chapter like good movie. and now we wait for the next scene, which i hope will be soon. o and terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrific joby :D

Author's Response: Thank you :) What was your background music? I kind of think of it as a movie too, while I'm writing it. It's not the words but the pictures I see. :)

OMG LIKE WOW! lol anyways loved it as allways!!!!!!! update pleeeease

Author's Response: Thank you, and I will :)

NNGH! This just keeps getting better and better *_*

Author's Response: :) Thank you, I'm glad you think so.