Okay, there is a huge amount of potential in this, but there are a couple of things that need adressing.

First off is your sentence structure. Nearly every sentence starts with a pronoun, and the majority of the rest with a noun. This is highly repetitive and detracts from what your story is saying. To combat this, consciously check what you've used,and try to change the order of the sentence about. Also, try and use sentences of different lengths and clause numbers, to make it more interesting. Different sentence lengths - impact, i.e. short sentences - in particular can be used to stress something.

The writing you present is more like a list than a story. You have action, followed by action, followed by action, followed by action, followed by yet another action. You see the repetition? You need opinions, feelings (I'll get to those) and LOTS more description (I'll get to that too). Also, one of the first things you should really have done is describe your main character, unless you are using anonymity as a device to hook the reader in, which you aren't because you name her in the first paragraph.

As for your characters. Only name and describe those who are truly important to the story, otherwise you end with a jumble of names some who matter and some who don't. Try and keep it simple. Also, try and keep track. In the first chapter her friends were Michelle, Nancy and Irina, and in the second it was Claudia and Nancy. Who is Claudia and what has she got to do with things? I'd advise cutting it down. You're just making work for yourself and us.

For the rest, you need description. Serious amounts of description. What does Alexandra look like? What does her mother look like? Her friends? The teacher leading the trip? The airport? The plane?

Description doesn't need to be a blow-by blow account of every aspect, the four things you really need to include are personification, similes, metaphors and the five senses. Things like 'Despite the price-tag, the hotel room was tiny, more suited for eight year-old than an eighteen year old. The bed was too short, the wardrobe to small and the bathroom to cluttered. Every colour on every surface and cover and cushion had faded to various shades of grey. On top of all this, the entire room stank of alcohol so hard it made your nostrils sting.' I didn't lest every item, how big it was and what colour it was, but you get the feeling of the room. At least I hope so. It took just a few sentences, but the room was described. The same can be done for people. The more important the characters, the more detailed and through a description, but still describe your characters.

The other things that need descibing are places adn feelings. This is hugley important. Instead of just stating 'I was nervous' try and show this. Use stomachs tightening, hands/knees shaking, sudden loss of appetite, chests getting tight and so on. It's much more interesting and much better witing. All emotions should be described, as of the beginning. M'kay?

I'm not trying to upset you or insult you in any way, I just want to help you and yah. I do like the look of this though, it could go far, and I seriously do hope you update soon!

coollll cant wait for next chapter!

Author's Response: Its on its wayrnI promise :]rnGlad you like so far!rnThanks XD