Date: 04/19/09 12:00 am Title: Chapter 26
This is interesting I wasn't expecting these two chapters that I missed out on I dunno how I did, but I caught up on them... I hope Bill will see that Tom was not out to hurt him. But to make him feel better..not worse. Hopefully you can send more so I can see what happens in the end. Love ya lots.
Date: 04/18/09 09:04 pm Title: Chapter 26
I love this story! Update soon please!
Date: 04/18/09 07:47 pm Title: Chapter 26
Oh man, that was twisted in a very real way... i totally get the too fast sex thing now... Those were an amazing two chapters and I can't wait to read more! This has gone farther than I ever thought it could, congrats! XD Lovin it!
Author's Response: Thank You so much! :) xo
Date: 04/17/09 02:43 pm Title: Chapter 26
I really hope things work out for Tom and Bill. I'd really like for them to be okay. And I'm glad things are better with Bill and his Mom. Please update? =] lol
Date: 04/17/09 01:29 pm Title: Chapter 26
wow i really love this story with a passion its just so i great i love how you described bills state of mind like even though he was acting as if hes all better hes really not and this kidnapping really did have an efect on him and how in all actuality he felt like he culdnt say no to tom because he was taught to do as told but yet he did want to atleast feel some love from somebody i just loved it and tom my deareest tomi lol i just love his chaaracter in this story brilliant really love it :)
Author's Response: Thank You. I'm glad i was able to get peoples state of mind accross clearly, i was afriad it wouldn't be that clear and people who get confused. xo
Date: 04/17/09 05:48 am Title: Chapter 26
I really liked the update on this story. It made everything so much more intense. Like when Tom goes to talk to Bill, how would Bill react now towards Tom? Plus Bill felt like he couldn't say no when Tom had asked him if he was sure, so this made things so much more interesting.
Date: 04/17/09 03:09 am Title: Chapter 26
So after I read chapter 24, I've got to say it felt WAY to rushed, and it also bothered me you didn't use any better form of lube- that'd prolly really hurt, especially for Bill, who'd probably freak out just from the experience. If you're in a trauma your not just going to have immediately happy sex, even if your doing it just to like, get a high. Tom, who my guess, has never had gay sex before this point (especially if he doesn't know what lube is) would more then likely not find Bill's prostate immediately. I'm really not trying to be mean, just constructive, and I understand sex-scenes can be REALLY hard to write, but I'd say work a little harder at the details for future smut.
And now for the good parts- because I feel like a bitch for critiquing: the next two chapters were very good and much needed. Because Bill flipped out, Tom realises what he did, and the good use of flashbacks, you fixed the problem you formed in chapter 24. I give you a lot of kudo's for that.
I think this is an interesting story, and your really good with all the angsty torture suspense stuff, but you need to work more on the romance/comfort/smexy-times part.
Good job on the last two chapters though.
So... yea... I hope that helped....
Author's Response: Thank You, Yes it did help!
rnI know, i totally suck at writing sex scenes Lol. I don't mind the critiquing, and you're not a bitch for doing it, i like critiques because it helps me write better, so i like getting it. I don't know why but i find it easier to write the angsty torture stuff, i don't know why! Lol.
rnThanks again!
Date: 04/16/09 10:28 pm Title: Chapter 26
i found everything to be clear now.
Date: 04/16/09 09:44 pm Title: Chapter 26
I think it cleared everything just fine. And of COURSE Geo's always right. Tom really fucked up, but I hope Bill's not gonna hold him to it.
Date: 04/16/09 08:02 pm Title: Chapter 26
Whoa, those two have a lot of fixing up to do!
Date: 04/16/09 07:28 pm Title: Chapter 25
awww poor bill i hope tomi saves him. good job!!!! :D
Date: 04/16/09 06:47 pm Title: Chapter 25
Bill, you are worth it. That helped a little bit. I think it explains how unstable Bill is right now and how Tom definitely needs to help him. I hope Tom doesn't just ignore, that would be a bad move on his part. Bill needs to know he can trust some people.
Date: 04/14/09 09:53 pm Title: Chapter 24
i think you did rush it. It was good until the moment bill kissed him. I don't think someone who been through all that would allow a "stranger" he's seen a few time fuck him, just like that. If bill felt the same way about tom, it would have made more sense, but it as if this happened out of the blue.
Maybe if Bill had gotten up after staring at him or finally noticing how cute tom was? Good luck with writing^^
Date: 04/14/09 09:46 pm Title: Chapter 24
yes u rushed. but u cant fix it now loll i llloove it, up until the rushing point... but its still good. update plz
Date: 04/14/09 03:38 pm Title: Chapter 24
This chapter was quite cute...I do think you rushed a bit into it, because Bill would probably be a bit...traumatized after his ordeal. I'd also think that Tom would be a bit reluctant to agree so quickly, as Bill isn't exactly in the best mental state at the present.
Still, the writing was good and this chapter was adorable. x3
Date: 04/14/09 03:25 pm Title: Chapter 24
Thank you all so much. I agree with you all, i don't think i should of rushed into it like that. But i have ideas on how to fix things in the next chapter. :)
Date: 04/14/09 12:47 pm Title: Chapter 24
omg, haha wow......i dont even know what to say, i dont think you rushed things, it was a little bit of a surprise but it all fit in the end....sorry i fell behind again, been busy....loved these last couple chapters and i cant wait to read more!!!! -)
Date: 04/14/09 08:32 am Title: Chapter 24
I loved it, but I think you really rushed a bit... I mean... I feel like Bill is some kind of slut or something... gives himself so easy... Because he really didn't know Tom before... and then suddenly they were having sex... But it was hot sex and they are made for each other anyways, so it's not that big problem. :D
And well... I love it ! x3
Oh, and one more thing! I mean.. why would Tom lose his job when it came out that he was with Bill? Bill is 19, right? So no one could do anything... It's Tom's business who is he sleeping with and who not.
Date: 04/14/09 04:23 am Title: Chapter 24
WHOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
No, no, you didn't rush it, really!!! Go on!!!
Date: 04/14/09 12:46 am Title: Chapter 24
Yeeeah that was one hell of a first kiss, not sure how i feel about it really but hey, nothing like some good smut... overall i really loved it, i'm glad they're getting to know eachother better and can't wait to see how tom handles everything in his post orgasmic bliss.. XD