Very intense story. I am sad, however, that Tom died.

I really feel like I need to tell you how much of an inspiration you are to me. There's just something about every word you use, like you've plucked them from nothing and made them everything. You are an artist. I am so so captivated by everything that you write, I really am. I'm obsessed with the darkness of it all, the brilliance, the goddamn beauty. I don't visit the fandom much anymore, hardly ever actually, but somehow your stories have struck me so deeply that I keep coming back, just to read that one line that has been haunting me for months.

And this story, how Bill and Tom were so wild and feral and yet breakable...man, that is just genius. You're characters are so well-developed and dimensional, I love the depth of it all.

I know you probably hear this all the time, but all I can say is: wow. You're absolutely the most talented person on this site and I'm captivated. Please never ever stop writing! You are my idol!

Author's Response: thank you doesn't seem an adequate response to this, but i suppose it will have to do. so thank you for letting me know. it means a lot. :)

Also! when Bill put the gun on Tom's temple, did he tried to say he loved him?

I was a little sad they never get to say it but very deeply they both knew it right? it's just the way i feel it :)

"He hasn't got time to linger and relish the feeling of completeness, of finally being free and all that bullshit, because he'll miss his flight."

love that part!!!!! the entire story is exeptional, and their love-hate relationship is sick but beautiful. I was sad when Tom died because I didn't read the warning. Bill is so violent and ferociously sexy; i kinda wish he was like that for real.
As always, I love your writing and your are my word idol!!!!!

Author's Response: as always, thanks for reviewing! :)

I know I have previously posted a review, but I felt the need to delete it because I was babbling over the wrong things, and besides, I was really doing it in an inappropriate way. I’ve never ever felt such a urge to… say the right things in a reivew, despite the fact that I know that, as a reviewer, I’m the one who should be commenting. Just the fact that I’ve spend… I don’t know how much time writing this, gives enough of an idea of how this story got to me.

Well, first thing, like I said last time, I’ve read this story only because my friend Charlotte asked me to, she promised it would be a proper heart-breaking read. She mentioned this story as… well, wonderful, painful, and so basically I read it for her. But only now that I’ve read it myself do I understand what she meant.

This is the difficulty of writing a correct review, here. This story goes completely beyond any words, compliments, comments or criticism, and I admit I feel like I want to say everything and more, but nothing comes out. If only I could describe the way this story makes me feel… I would say, sad, upset, but that’s an understatement. But basically that’s it, so I better go on that way.

Yes, sad and upset. And this way I was feeling, it accompanied me all throughout the reading, I never ever managed to get rid of it, from the very beginning, and in the end I was just trying to handle that horrible sensation, as if my chest was feeling really unbearably heavy. In the beginning, when I still wasn’t familiar with the narration, I was kind of hoping to see some more fluff, some more romance, something better, anything better in their lives, but as the story progressed I understood I was only miserably deceiving myself, as much as I tried, as much as I wanted to convince myself that things would get better soon.

There has been a moment, just one, in chapter two, when things actually seemed to be improving a lot—but the way it was written, the way you put your words, it made me inevitably guess that was only the beginning of the end of it all. The whole story, when you come to think of it after you’ve read it, seems to be bound to go like that. So yeah… there was a great sense of… bad omen, it has been with me all the time, creeping me out like no other story ever did (bar probably some horror book, which I don’t read so much, and I can’t remember any of them at the moment, but you can be sure I’ll always remember this story). I can’t remember ever shivering like that while reading, to be honest.

You’re a marvellous, wonderful, glorious, beautifully talented writer, hell it’s so easy to tell. I know that in the Chapter End Notes, in chapter one, you said the story was weird and harsh, jeez, yes, YES!, harsh, and weird. Mostly harsh. It was like… it was as if you were putting scenes forcefully in my mind, and as much as I wanted it to stop, how could I just give up like that? I admit I did consider giving up, it was pretty much the end of chapter two, I really thought I couldn’t take in any more words. But I managed to read on, it was a little difficult because of the tears, but I’m so glad I did.

I never, ever, like the First Person Point of View, I don’t like it. Still, I don’t think that this story could’ve worked in any other way, well, surely not with the Third Person Narrator, that’s impossible, it would have never had such a great impact on the readers. It was all in Tom’s language, strictly sticking until the very end to his thoughts, and I was just left completely heart-wrenched. I’m not sure that it would have felt just the same, had it been Bill.
I can’t exactly speak of scenes like I do with other fictions, usually I like to point out the ones I appreciated the most. But no—I feel like that’d be kind of wrong, because every single word got to me, it’s not possible for a single scene to stand out. However, I must mention that I had been looking for a proper suicide scene until Charlotte suggested me to read this story. I do know Bill decided against it in the end, but hell, that’s what I was looking for. The way you described how he stands there, waiting to do it, and still there weren’t any sincere feelings of true sadness, and sadness only, but that sense of harshness, it still was there. Pointless to say, after all. And besides I’m sure you already know, you wrote it. And you seem to know exactly what you wanted it to be, how you wanted it to come across, where you wanted it to go.

I’m sure I don’t need to mention the two main characterisations. I really don’t need to—just know, this is better than some books I’ve read. They probably are the best Bill and Tom ever seen in the fanfiction world. Well, obviously, people have their own preference, but this story is a masterpiece in my eyes.
You didn’t write a story, you mastered scenes. You didn’t string words together, you mastered sentences. So you didn’t write about Bill and Tom in an original way, it was more, I’ll be damned if I reduce those two to being ‘original’. You mastered their characters in such a way that it leaves me speechless, I’ve never seen anything like that. And I’m not new to fanfictions.

If I had to describe it very generally, I’d say it was painfully realistic. I was born incurably romantic, so, like I’ve already said, this story was somewhat like a slap on my face. I’ve always been living in dreams and fantasies, thinking that things can’t touch you too much. Well I was wrong—life is not a dream, life is harsh, and tough, and I’m not even sure any more whether true love does exist, this story makes me think that love at first sight is a such a girly thing it gets stupid, there’s no love, there are just persons who feel certain feelings, but that’s it, even if Bill did love Tom.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that harshness is the message behind it all. I’m saying that harshness is the lesson that I *personally* got from it. It has never happened that I reflected upon a story so much. I’ve never been so lost in thoughts. Seriously… thank you for writing it.

Oh, one last thing… I do miss England, too. … but I’ve seen it only as a tourist, nothing like this anyways. Too bad (or good?...) that’s a world I’ll never ever know.

I still shiver even if I think about it. ‘Great work’ is an understatement.
I’ll truly remember this, it’s always with me, I’m not even so sure any more whether I have the same standards when I read a story.
Again, you’re a great writer. I’ll try to see if I can stick around to read some more from you, but if your other stories are just this painful…
So, see you in another story, I hope…
Otherwise, I hope that was enough to let you know how your story got to me, seriously.
Best story I’ve ever read in ages.

Author's Response: i've been sitting here staring at your review for a while now, trying to come up with an appropriate response. suffice to say the whole thing rendered me speechless (well, i did flail a little, but you know, standard response and all ^_^), so i'm just going to try to touch on some of your points (otherwise this would probably turn out longer than the actual story did). first off, i definitely understand your need to say the right thing; when i've read something that touched me deeply in some way, i feel the same urge, and more often than not end up just saying that i loved it, though those words are woefully overused. "some fluff, some romance, something better"--that's basically the first rule i laid down: none of that. true, the story ended up writing itself with no thoughts of what i wanted, really, but still. that was my first rule when i came up with the idea. as for the first person narrative, i'll tell you something funny: i hate it too. hate it. i hit the back button so fast when i encounter it in fic. and yet half the time i end up writing it! double standard much? gah. *stabs muse* as for the word "harsh" and how you describe yourself as a romantic, how things can't touch you too much...basically, one part of me is like you, though romantic is not the word most people would use to describe me. but the other part of me is an incurable cynic, and that part of me views the world as "harsh". you mention how bill stands there, waiting to do it, and yet there weren't any sincere feelings of true sadness--YES! that's exactly it! you got it! eep. that was actually the first scene i wrote, and it's kind of the blueprint of the entire story, you know? this isn't a story about love, and certainly not love at first sight (sorry, i guess harshness is the lesson to be learned from this), it's like you said, it's just two deeply fucked up people who feel certain things that happen to involve the other. hmm, does that make sense? (and shit, i hope you don't mind the long response!) basically, what i really want to say is, thank you so very much for your thoughtful review, i want to like, print it out and sleep with it. XD *loves*

Now I am all in tears. This is so beautiful and so sad, and I am just speachless! How you can write this good I have no idea, the whole plot is amazing! Oh my god, I'm amazed. Thank you so much for sharing this : Wow..! :'(

Author's Response: thank you for enjoying it so much! :)

Amazing. I loved every word. In spite of how tough and violent the story was it was probably the reason why it was so genuine and the connection (love *s*) they refused to acknowledge so much more vibrant.
Terrific.

Maria

Author's Response: thank you!

im friggen crying now thnx altho it was beautifull i rllllllllly liked it thnx

Author's Response: thank you :)

I've read the Greek translated version of this that Ryuuzaki_L did, and I was biting my nails the whole time. I re-read the whole thing in English and it was absolutely breathtaking in the most heart wrenching way.

Adding it to my favorites and you to my favorite authors list, cause I want to keep track of your amazing work, not to mention read the rest of your stories when I finish with my exams. Much love for sharing this with us, dear

Author's Response: oooh, could you give me a link to that? I was just about to PM her myself because I know she's been translating it but I had no idea she finished. XD Thank you so, so much for the review, and I hope you'll get through your exams! :)

Fricking great story. Hate sad endings but it really fit this piece so I guess its alright. The story was dark yes, but it really pulled itself together well. Didn't see any of the usual foul ups that slip in from time to time in other stories. Must say though you had to be in one depressing mood to come up with this little gem. Works out fine for me though, get read a good story without having to get into that kinda mood myself. So cheers and all that to a story well fricking done.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you didn't catch any mistakes; I went over the story a thousand times beause I'm a perfectionist like that and I didn't see any myself, but still, it's nice when people point it out. To be honest, I wasn't really in a depressing mood when I wrote this; if I remember correctly, I was actually in a good one. XD Anyway, thank you so much for the review! :)