Date: 09/24/12 10:46 pm Title: Chapter 1
'Kay, first "twenty-something married couples are the only ones who should be having sex for the first time? Uh, news flash, but there's a shitload of unmarried couples who have sex. There's a shitload of Married couples who're younger than twenty. You do not have to be married, nor in your twenties to have sex, and I, as someone under twenty, resent that. I'm perfectly within my rights - and morals - to have sex if the fancy takes me, as well as the person who I want to have sex with (as long as that person is not more than four years younger than myself, as is the law where I live). Second, I have no problem with using endearments, but seeing as they already have an illicit relationship, I see no reason for Bill to call Tom "Daddy." It's just kinda weird, seeing as their twins. I can see this Bill, as a masochist who even likes pain to the point of bleeding, calling his twin "master" during sex, or "Tomi," or... really, anything that doesn't suggest a parent, seeing as their brothers and therefore share parents, and... I dunno. That endearment has always seemed weird to me, and it just seemed every weirder here. I feel like it's way more demeaning than "baby," because "baby" is widely used as an endearment, and it really just means "person who I want to spoil utterly," when used in a relationship context, while "daddy" suggests that the other person is above you in the relationship - that he SHOULD spoil you utterly, because he's above you, and that he should take care of you, and... I just find it demeaning. Also, they don't live in a mansion when at home. They don't have a mansion. Their parents home is a small house in the village of Madgeburg, and when they lived in Germany they had an apartment. Now that their in LA, they have a house, but considering when this was written, I doubt they had their house in LA at the time, and since this isn't AU, it should stick to actual facts about them. Wow... I just kinda ranted at you. Sorry 'bout that... I don't mean this as a flame, by the way. I mean it as concrit, even if it doesn't seem that way. Also, apart from the things I went over (in grueling detail XD), this wasn't too bad. The grammar was really good, and the fic as a whole was kinda awesome. It was just those things I already mentioned that irked me.
Date: 09/24/12 10:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
'Kay, first "twenty-something married couples are the only ones who should be having sex for the first time? Uh, news flash, but there's a shitload of unmarried couples who have sex. There's a shitload of Married couples who're younger than twenty. You do not have to be married, nor in your twenties to have sex, and I, as someone under twenty, resent that. I'm perfectly within my rights - and morals - to have sex if the fancy takes me, as well as the person who I want to have sex with (as long as that person is not more than four years younger than myself, as is the law where I live). Second, I have no problem with using endearments, but seeing as they already have an illicit relationship, I see no reason for Bill to call Tom "Daddy." It's just kinda weird, seeing as their twins. I can see this Bill, as a masochist who even likes pain to the point of bleeding, calling his twin "master" during sex, or "Tomi," or... really, anything that doesn't suggest a parent, seeing as their brothers and therefore share parents, and... I dunno. That endearment has always seemed weird to me, and it just seemed every weirder here. I feel like it's way more demeaning than "baby," because "baby" is widely used as an endearment, and it really just means "person who I want to spoil utterly," when used in a relationship context, while "daddy" suggests that the other person is above you in the relationship - that he SHOULD spoil you utterly, because he's above you, and that he should take care of you, and... I just find it demeaning. Apart from that, it was alright.
Date: 10/30/07 04:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
hot! love it! =D x
Date: 06/25/07 03:08 am Title: Chapter 1
Mmmm what a great birthday gift *licks lips*