Date: 01/24/09 04:14 am Title: Chapter 29
woot!
it was about time you got featured!!!
:DDDD
YAY FOR THE UPDATE!!
THEY'RE NOW BFSSSSS!!
WOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!
update more when you can, 'tay?
to satisfy my fanfic needsss.
Author's Response: I will tryto satisfy your fanfic needs haha I'm always happy that peoples like my story =] Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 01/24/09 12:05 am Title: Chapter 28
Hey, zimmer 483!!!
Dude this is AMAZING. I am seriously on the EDGE of my chair here!!!
Author's Response: New chapter is coming! Thanks for reviewing. New reviewers are gold!
Date: 01/23/09 09:35 pm Title: Chapter 28
aweee the story is just so sweet.
i really like it, you're doing such a greta job!!!
though i must confess i was pretty impatient in the first chapter, i couldn't wait for the moment in which tom and bill would confess their love but it was worth waiting=DDDD
i'm a reader yet i loving this story=DDDD
keep it going=D
Author's Response: Awwww Thank yous! I know the wait was a bit long but I don't like when things are rushed *shrugs* Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 01/23/09 09:13 pm Title: Chapter 28
love love love I want more NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: More is a coming! Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 01/23/09 08:25 pm Title: Chapter 28
this is so good, please don't stop!!!
Author's Response: No worries, I won't. =]
Date: 01/23/09 01:58 pm Title: Chapter 28
O to the M and last the G! Shit this was so freaking amazing! I've read this fic the whole evening. God dammit woman! You got high skills! :D I love this story, it's so different from everyone else. Love it, adore it you name it and I like it :D
Author's Response: Ah! Yay! I always get a smile rading comments like these! Thanks for the review!
Date: 01/23/09 09:20 am Title: Chapter 28
*hearts*
Author's Response: Thanks for the review =]
Date: 01/23/09 07:20 am Title: Chapter 28
well, i only just came accross this fic, and i am glad i did please update soon i adore it. you are very talented !!
Author's Response: An update is coming to THF near you. Haha Thanks for the review!
Date: 01/21/09 11:04 pm Title: Chapter 28
Ugh, you have no idea how much I am adoring this story. Their relationship is coming along so adorably, it always makes me 'awwww'. Lol. I loved it, as always, please update soon! No pressure though, heh. ;p
Author's Response: Updates are a coming! Thanks for the review!
Date: 01/21/09 05:03 pm Title: Chapter 28
please i'm hooked
continue i beg of you please continue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Chapter is coming! Thanks for the review! New reviewers are gold!
Date: 01/19/09 04:50 pm Title: Chapter 28
hugs..
Author's Response: =] Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 01/19/09 02:28 pm Title: Chapter 28
awwww the ending was sooo sweet! I have goosebumps now xD
I can't wait for the next chapter!!
Author's Response: ^-^ Next chapter is on the way!
Date: 01/19/09 11:26 am Title: Chapter 28
*glare* I swear to EVERY GOD I KNOW OF, if the boy dies, you die.
Author's Response: No, that would ruin the story. Where would my plot go? Haha thanks for reviewing!
Date: 01/19/09 06:34 am Title: Chapter 28
aww..Tom's such a sweetheart.
poor Bill, but it's a GOOD thing that he freakin' survived!!!!
This chapter was another awesome one!!
Hope you'll update more soon!
This made my day!:D
Author's Response: Yay! If I can mkae one persons day my life is complete. Haha Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 01/19/09 05:32 am Title: Chapter 28
jeez >.< you shouldnt scare your readers like that lol thankfully bill's safe ^_^
Author's Response: Well I couldn't kill Bill off, it would ruin the story. Thanks again for reviewing!
Date: 01/19/09 05:26 am Title: Chapter 27
update was pretty short but shuuu T-T something had better not happen to bill!!!
Author's Response: Of course not!
Date: 01/19/09 04:45 am Title: Chapter 28
wow. i just found this story and its great. and it looks like you update really fast, thats awesome. Keep up the great work, i cant wait to read more! =)
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it, I do update like every day, every other day *shrugs* depends... Thanks for reviewing I loves new reviewers!
Date: 01/19/09 03:04 am Title: Chapter 28
Tom clabbered over the gravel pathway, - clabmbered!
He could care less. His body was numb and was moving on its own accord. – good
CRAZY BETA STUFF!
Tom gulped as he placed the keys in the ignition. He glanced up at his dad. Gordon stood in the foyer, he watched Tom with a forlorn look. Tom's hands shook as he started the car and heard the rumble of the engine. Gordon watched with a frown as Tom tried to readjust himself to the car. He saw Tom jump slightly when the engine purred. Gordon would've offered to drive him, but he knew this was something Tom had to do himself. It was something that was important to him. Gordon knew Tom didn't have many of these things but this boy, for whatever the reason, was important to Tom. - *shakes head* no no no no no! Too slow…for as freaked out as he is he can’t! do this slow! And *shakes head* there’s no way his dad would be ok with him driving and possibly getting more in trouble!
Ok I have a bit of a solution… Have Gordon running to the front door unable to stop Tom. - Time seemed to slow down for Tom as he placed his keys in the ignition. Tom's hands shook as he started the car and heard the rumble of the engine. He glanced up at his dad as appear in the door frame. Tom's hands shook as he started the car and heard the rumble of the engine. Gordon would've offered to drive him, but was never given the chance. Gordon knew Tom, for whatever the reason, had decided that this boy was important enough to Tom to put his freedom in jeopardy. He knew trying to stop Tom was out of the question, he was too far down the drive when he even reached the front steps. And as Gordon though about it there was no way to contact Tom to stop him as he had nothing, no pants, no coat, no handy. – fell free to change this, use it, ignore it but *shrugs* you’ve hear it.
"Stay back! Don't cros- Tom?" The officer's face locked with her favorite case, Tom Trumper. – NICE! Really nice addition! Really!
"The kid right?" She asked. Tom nodded. "He was sent to the hospital in Leipzig, severe smoke, inhalation." – good girl! Yeah just say no to too much drama!
Tom muttered as he walked back to the car. He leaned against the frame of the old car and ran a hand through his dreads. – Um! *makes face* hate to bring this up…but the cop who recognized Tom didn’t think it was odd that he was driving? If everyone in the town knows our little trouble maker then what about him driving?
Tom always sucked at parking and took up two spots as he attempted to park his dad's car. – funny detail!
The only person he wanted to ogle his body was Bill. - *grins*
"Bill Kaulitz, Room 483. – ha ha ha! *eye roll* everyone’s got to through that one in there somewhere! Lol oh and thanks for taking my advice about room numbers and floors! *squishes up face* makes me feel loved!
Tom's feet tapped against the rough carpeting in the elevator. – hospitals don’t have carpet…can’t clean up blood, vomit or other body fluids out of carpet always always always tile or linoleum.
the doors opened to revile the fourth floor. – woops reveal
"You must be Tom." A doctor extended his hand to Tom and Tom took it carefully. "Bill has refused treatment until you got here. We can't contact his parents and he keeps saying that you'll give us consent, since he won't." Tom sighed, - minor’s can’t refuse consent, but we’ll let that pass, oh and awh! Oh and end this sentence with a period not a comma.
"I'll stay." Tom stated. Bill grinned – awh I love the fluff!!!!
***
And I hope you know that I wouldn’t take the time to semi-beta for just anyone! I really like this story. I like the style. I like the plotline. It’s fluff which is fun. It’s light drama which is soooo easy to read, believe me I read the heavy, heavy, heavy shit that makes me cringe and read though my fingers. I digress. I do like your story. And when I write notes like this one where I pick a part sections of your story I hope you don’t get the wrong impression. I know that can be easy to do when it seems like there’s a lot of negative in there. I like it I do, that’s why I offer constructive criticism and suggestions.
Oh, oh! Speaking of suggestions…*raises eyebrows* go visit my favorites section and check out my favorite stories I think I have a few on there that you’d like to read.
Author's Response: Yay! I was wondering where your always-present reviews were. Hehe. I was missing my semi-beta reader haha. Hmmm The cop thing, didn't think that one through, but no one else noticed, they were sidetracked with Bill... Haha and as I was writing this chapter and I put the carpet thing I'm like "I totally gonna get shit for this from i_is_anonymous." Haha I put that there was carpeting in the elevator because at the local hospital in my town there is carpeting in the elevators *shurgs* They however are a horrible hospital where their not equipt to handle anything... That first sentence I took like five minutes trying to spell it correctly and finally dyslexia and anger management got the best of me and I said screw it haha. Woot! Loves the reviews like always! I do appreciate it! THanks again =]
Date: 01/19/09 02:24 am Title: Chapter 27
Bill had broken him. - *giggles* yes that’s about right!
He had developed a thing for a fourteen year old boy. – developed Um NO totally “IN TO” *giggles*
You have a LOT of really short sentences.
He saw his dad's car was gone. – Hum?! That worries me a lot!
As Tom walked up the gravel pathway to his house he couldn't help but wonder. Would Bill pull at his dreads as he was riding him? - *claps hand over mouth* *blinks* well that was unexpected
Tom freed his feet from his shoes by using the toes of his opposite foot to kick them off. - Tom freed his feet from his shoes by toeing them off.
Boxers were following soon after - Boxers followed soon after
He moaned as the last piece of cloth left his body. – do you really mean cloth? Or did you mean clothing…either is fine *shrugs* but clothing makes a little more since.
Bill's body; withering under his larger form. Tom pounding into the boy while his legs wrapped around Tom. Bill's erection touching Tom's exposed flesh as they thrust together. – wow considering Tom wasn’t gay he’s imagining a lot of really gay things. He must have a really good imagination…you should use that element later, the good imagination thing, because otherwise it’s just weird that he can imagine such gay things without being in that sitchuation before.
"Tom?" It was Gordon. – Oh thank god I keep thinking that shit is going to happen to Gordon. Am I the only one who’s worried about that?
"Andreas called, said there was a fire at the hospital... The one where Bill was at." Gordon paused and Tom's heart clenched. Fire? – OMG drama! You’d better be careful with this if you through too much in you are going to fuck with the story! Don’t do anything drama esk for a while, don’t’ add other new drama element into the story, no earthquakes, titdal floods or whatever. You could do something with Georg but you have to be careful or you WILL lose your readers with too much of this stuff!
Tom had just come from the hospital. Tom's memory flashed: Fire trucks. They had passed him. – Nice tie in. I was wondering about the fire trucks and you did a good job of teasing us with that bit at the beginning but not explaining! Well done with that element.
"Stay?" Bill's voice was in Tom's head again. What if he had stayed? What if he stayed, could he have prevented this? What if Bill was dead? What would he do? – ok we can work with this…I know that you have written a chapter beyond this one and I hope I can help before the plot gets too out of hand…when Tom goes back to the hospital DON’T have him focus on anyone but Bill. There can be some passing comments about the other patiennes and that some died and that they were moved to diff hospitals but don’t have Tom focus on anyone but Bill, this way the trauma can be about Bill without adding too much DRAMA (will all capital letters) to the story. But only if nothing happened to Bill. *eye roll* if something happened to Bill this idea is kind of fucked and the story will be too drama. *frowns* your plot bunny will be sick from all the smoke inhalation and I will let ImaginaryNumbers do what she will with it. Trust me you DON’T want that to happen!
Tom didn't even bother putting on clothes as his feet ran passed his dad. He ran to the front door and grabbed the keys for his father's car. At that moment Tom didn't care that his license was revoked. He didn't care that he only had on boxers. He did however, care about Bill. – Oi! I hope Gordon stopped him for several important reasons…pants are a good thing, oh and not getting arrested would also be a good thing. *glowers* and what did I tell you about drama?!
Author's Response: There wasn't THAT much drama, was there? It was resolved in the next chapter anyways... I know I have a lot of really short sentences but if I don't stop them usually I start rambling (you've probably noticed this in some of the run on sentences...) And i'll get way off topic.... I loves your reviews, like always ^_^ I did mean to say cloth for that sentence but you're right clothing would've sounded a bit better *shurgs* Thanks again for the reviews! Haha I always find myself writing more to you then any other reviewer, feel special XD Until next time, *waves*
Date: 01/19/09 01:39 am Title: Chapter 28
yay. =]
Author's Response: THanks for reviewing!