Date: 12/10/08 05:01 pm Title: December 1st
I love this story I really do put right now I'm going to be picky.
You have a real lack of apostrophes, it should be, for example: Bill's piercing brown eyes.
I think the first paragraph could use some work, I feel it needs a few extra commas or something, it just doesn't seem to flow right. You should re-check for punctuation across this chapter, I think. Maybe that's just my opinion though.
Also spellings: 'coco' is 'cocoa', 'strait ' is 'straight', 'starring' is 'staring', 'barley' is 'barely', 'scene' is 'seen'.
You also put 'there for heads' at one point where you should have put 'their fore-heads", I think you got there and their mixed up somewhere else in this chapter as well.
I only mention these, as this is such a good fic, and I don't want people to be put off because of these mistakes. You should talk to your beta about them. Apart from that though it was lovely. I love the idea of Bill getting a purple laptop with crystals on it, and the fact that Bill counted all Tom's stares was adorable. Full of lovely fluffiness, as always. Congratulations on the two month anniversary, honey. *hugs* update soon.
Date: 12/10/08 04:44 pm Title: December 8th
Cute & happy anniversary!
Date: 12/10/08 04:38 pm Title: December 6th
AWWW!!! *glomps both Billa & Tomi*
Date: 12/08/08 09:49 pm Title: December 8th
Awwwwwwwwwwwe. :)
Date: 12/08/08 08:36 pm Title: December 8th
This give so many cliff hangers I want the ending now... >.< But I know must wait ... ^___^
Date: 12/07/08 01:16 pm Title: December 6th
lol Bill's so impatient
Date: 12/07/08 01:15 pm Title: December 4th
lol Tom's plotting for good times
Date: 12/07/08 01:13 pm Title: December 2nd
keep searching bill!! lol
Date: 12/07/08 01:12 pm Title: December 1st
lol aww "I have everything I want right here in my arms,"
Date: 12/07/08 05:46 am Title: December 1st
It was good, I liked it, but I saw quite a few missed apostrophes and some grammatical errors in there. You should get some-one else to help you there, I'm happy to do so if you need it. Other than that I really enjoyed it. I can't think of any possible gifts right now but if I do, I'll be sure to tell you. Update soon, honey. *hugs* :)
Date: 12/07/08 05:42 am Title: December 6th
I nhave no ideas - only writers block, but I really wanna know what happens next! So I hope you update soon,
Date: 12/07/08 01:23 am Title: December 6th
OMG I wanna know Bills dream..... ^/////^ ..
this is an amazing story I love it so much.
Date: 12/07/08 12:59 am Title: December 6th
I've just one thing to say about this. .... AWWWWWWE!! :3
Date: 12/05/08 03:42 pm Title: December 4th
LOL Tom should get Bill a huge white stuffed bear that holds a heart which has 'I LOVE YOU' sewn on it!
Date: 12/05/08 08:03 am Title: December 4th
Oooooh. They are such sweetiez. :D I wonder what's in the box.
Date: 12/05/08 12:47 am Title: December 4th
Awww, so cute makes me wanna cry.
Date: 12/04/08 09:02 pm Title: December 4th
awww...so cute!
So kawaii!! more more!
Date: 12/04/08 08:27 pm Title: December 1st
Let me rephrase that...would you like to have me as a beta? I'm sorry but the beta you have now I feel is not making your story clear enough to be understood. To be honest, I couldn't get past the first paragraph. I can keep the essence of your story, while suggesting different devices that could spice it up, even. Let me know. =]
Author's Response: thanx for the advise hun, ill think about it I think about half is already done so ill prob. send the rest to you. <3
Date: 12/04/08 07:50 pm Title: December 4th
SOONER....
I wanna know what the Key is for .... >.>
<.<
anyways this is a GREAT STORY!!
Keeep at it :D
Author's Response: lolz the key is special, ill update again soon just for you, tomarrow. Thanx for the review luv <3
Date: 12/03/08 09:23 pm Title: December 2nd
I almost kind of cried at the end of this.