I wasn't sure if you wanted any reviews or advices ;) But I thought that it really wouldn't matter if you did or didn't, so I decided to write something :D

The idea in this story was sweet. Kind of normal and 'waterproof' but it doesn't matter :D When it's about twincest you don't have to come up with something so new and weird that everyone are left mouths wide open.

The thing I really wanted to mention about was that somehow I found this text a bit stiff (best word to describe it, I think). It just seemed to me like you've thought just too much while writeing. Ofcourse it's nice to pay attention to grammar but that definitely isn't the most important point. It's more important if the text sounds natural than if it's perfectly typed. (And even if you pay too much attention to what you write, you still make mistakes. There was, for example, one capital letter mistake. :D)

So don't get offended by my review, just take it as an advice :) You seem like a very potential writer so I'm convinced that if you just relax a bit you'll be awsome!


With love,
Gry

That was good! *hands you famous twincest cookie*

Wow, I like it alot. It's great, please do some more. Your first fic is awesome. You did a great job.