Date: 03/23/11 05:34 am Title: You're Shameless.
Loved it! Can't wait to see what will happen next!
Date: 03/23/11 05:29 am Title: Now I'm Speechless.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 05:25 am Title: I Know I Hurt You.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 05:21 am Title: How Did We Get Here?
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 05:16 am Title: Ready For Those Flashing Lights.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 05:11 am Title: And Tell You That I'm Not That Strong.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 05:06 am Title: Let's Play A Lovegame.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 05:00 am Title: Now I'm Heels Over Head.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:55 am Title: I Don't Want To Play The Broken-Hearted Girl.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:49 am Title: Stop Running Away.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:44 am Title: It's A Cold And It's A Broken Hallelujah.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:37 am Title: I Never Meant To Do Those Things To You.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:31 am Title: Our Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real.
Loved it! Poor Melly!
Date: 03/23/11 04:26 am Title: I Wish I Could Bubblewrap My Heart.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:21 am Title: I Don't Wanna Be In Love.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:17 am Title: She Falls Asleep And All She Thinks About Is You.
Loved it!
Date: 03/23/11 04:04 am Title: You Know We're Moving Along.
Loved it!
Date: 12/21/09 06:02 pm Title: You're Shameless.
:O i am shockedd!
its so good though!!
haha, thanks so much for
writting this , its absolutly
amazingg!!!
please update sooon
Love lucy :D xxx
Date: 06/28/09 03:11 pm Title: You're Shameless.
Okay, so on the whole, I like it. But there are some aspects I don't like.
One: you have so much going on!! You need to pick a plot, with a few twists and leave it at that. Especially with things like rape. Because something like that is serious and needs careful handling. Less is more in this case.
Two: for crying out loud please describe! I'm not saying ilst characteristics - that's not desciption - actually, it's a list. Use those devices English teaches like to waffle on about. Simillies, metaphors, personification and so on. Not just people, but places and emotions. Show, don't tell.
Third: bipolar. Everyone seems slightly bi-polar. People are said have 'cried' but the next second are grinning. If someones crying then they're upset! I've never met anyone who changes so quickly. This brings me onto another point.
Fourth: monotonous language. You need to learn to vary your language. Especially for things like emotions. 'Cried' does not do anyone justice. Sobbed, wailed, tears pouring down her face. Describe what happens. I'd definately like to see some longer paragraphs with a bit more meat in them. It's really hard - I know! - but it makes your writing so much better.
Last: I don't like the way Melly's handling Tom and Bill. Her and Bill seem extremely volatile, I'll admit, but I just can't see her being like this with Tom if she likes Bill so much. But what really gets me is how she doesn't really express much guilt at what happens.
So anyway, other than that, not bad. That seems really mean after me just going on about the faults, but I don't mean to be cruel, just honest. So I hope you update soon!