Date: 03/16/09 05:53 am Title: One more sad song
Oh yay!!! Officer Gordon
Date: 03/16/09 05:42 am Title: The poison
Oh no....not the dad.
This is so intense.
Date: 03/16/09 01:24 am Title: Heart like a fist
Chris snorted and tossed his cigarette aside “You guys can’t do anything about it” he said mockingly.
“Yeah, but I can” Tom’s voice boomed through all their ears as he approached them with Georg by his side.
Chris suddenly found himself pinned against a wall with Tom’s hands gripping the hems of his collar.
OMG this part made me so happy. When Tom suddenly came to the rescue I couldn't help but scream "yeah!!!"... it's past midnight so people here weren't too happy about it lol
Date: 03/16/09 12:55 am Title: Why worry?
Such a good chapter.
This is my favorite part:
Although Tom knew exactly what his twin was talking
about, he still wanted to coax him into saying it.
“What baby?” he asked amused.
Bill blushed and put his head down “Your… Is um, hard” he mumbled.
Tom smiled and raised himself off of the bed, still keeping Bill on his lap with his legs straddling him.
Tom hugged Bill and breathed in deeply; he kissed along his neck to his ear and whispered: “Are you trying to say that my cock is hard?" a tone of mischief evident in his voice.
Date: 03/15/09 11:51 pm Title: Confessions
“What are we going to do about dad?” Bill asked.
Tom held him against him “Don’t worry about him, he’s my business now, I’ll make him pay for all the pain he’s caused you”
I loved that part, I could so imagine Tom saying that.
Date: 03/15/09 11:38 pm Title: Coming out
OMG, amazing. I am glad Tom knows. I liked when Tom called Bill sweetie.
Date: 03/15/09 11:10 pm Title: Asking why
Aww I adored the little chat between Bill and Simone.
Date: 03/15/09 11:06 pm Title: Comparing scars
I feel so bad for Bill. Every time I read about how Jorg treated him at home I get a lump in my throat. I want Tom to find out already and I just started reading this lol
Date: 03/15/09 10:59 pm Title: Longing to feel
OMG, poor Bill. I already hate Jorg in this story.
Date: 03/15/09 10:52 pm Title: A stir of new emotions
I am liking this already, I thought when Tom said "Bill over here" was funny... I didn't expect him to say that after saying he didn't want Bill to stay for the summer.
Date: 03/01/09 06:07 pm Title: Changes and special needs
I love this chapter soo much ! I've read it at least 8 times :) You capture the emotions in a great way. This is the best story I have ever read in my life :) I'm serious :) I really love it:)
Date: 02/16/09 03:16 pm Title: Still standing
hey:D
I really love this story and is it okay if I post it on my page??
(kristina483.piczo.com)
sorry for my bad english:P
Author's Response: if you make sure credit goes to me, then yeah, go for it
Date: 02/15/09 08:27 pm Title: Still standing
OMG! This was an awesome story! And you're an awesome writer! Keep it up :D
Date: 02/08/09 06:54 am Title: A stir of new emotions
this is the most spine-tingling, heart-tugging, mind-blowing, adrenaline-rushing piece of work....
you really have a way of manipulating the mind into thinking about the worst!
but i wouln't forgive you if you actually DID "kill bill" in the end ^_^
Date: 01/12/09 12:58 pm Title: Still standing
I cried, like super emotionally. This fanfic is so beautiful.
Date: 12/29/08 08:40 pm Title: Why worry?
Tom groaned “No I need to go take a dump, like really bad” he said slamming the bathroom door shut as he entered. *groans* ewww gross! Nice detail and good line but ewwww!
Simone kissed the top of his head and brought him closer to her, never could she resist those bright brown eyes of his.
“Of course I will honey” she said snuggling closer to him.
Bill let his head rest on his mother’s shoulder and enjoyed the feeling of being close to her, knowing that she would never lay a hand on him, knowing that she would protect him best she could. – this would be a good time to tell her Bill.
“Do you have feelings for Michael?” Bill asked softly and calm. – good job Bill we talk about our feelings!
Good job with the “conversation about Michael” it was a little iffy in places but noting blaring not so much corn there.
“Tomi” Bill sobbed “I just d-don’t want t-to lose you” he cried. – oh poor Bill!
“Bill, honey listen to me… Never compare yourself with anyone else… you’re so much better than everyone” – oh so sweet
got cozy. – IDK something about that part of the sentence made me giggle
“I love you so much Bill” Tom said wrapping his arms around him.
Bill smiled gently and closed his eyes and let himself be engulfed by Tom’s warmth and care.
“I love you to Tom” he said with a final yawn. – good use of ‘I love you’, good timing.
“Um, later tonight… A-after the party, Can you a-and I talk?” he asked almost pleading – yeah Bill for being ready to tell him mum!!!
A smile danced on his face – good descriptor
Bill climbed on to the bed, placing himself on Tom’s stomach, his legs on either side of his waist – easier way to say that would be “Bill climbed on to the bed and straddled Tom.”
Bill felt something hard poke his inner thigh, he broke from the kiss trying to inspect what it was, and when he did he blushed uncontrollably. - *giggles* funny
“What baby?” he asked amused. – so mean lol
down “Your… Is um, hard” he mumbled – he has an UM? I though that people could um but I didn’t know that people had um-s … hum something I’m going to have to ponder *winks*
Tom smiled “Yeah” he paused but then continued “Besides, waiting might be fun… It gives me the chance to crave you more” He said winking. - *grins*
Bill smiled “Hahaha that means mom loves me more” he said teasing. – ha ha
“Can we wear matching colors?” Bill asked hopeful. - *covers face* Bill!!! That’s just so goofy!
Date: 12/29/08 02:51 pm Title: Competition
Bill watched as his twin brother, his lover talk to someone else in the same way he would talk to him.
He watched as Tom’s smile lit up his entire face and as his eyes sparkled and glistened every time he did so. – jealous much?
That was Michael… He used to have a crush on your brother” – yeah I think he still does!
“I have nothing to offer” he said letting a tear fall “I’m nothing” – oh poor broken Bill
He walked out of the bathroom and headed back to his table. There, he saw both his mother and Tom eating and talking, the smiles never leaving their faces.
Bill couldn’t help but feel a little out of place, he thought that maybe he just wasn’t supposed to be happy.
That maybe he deserved everything that he had gone through, from beatings, insults and heart aches. – oh poor broken Billa!
“You’re always sexy babe” - *blushes for Bill* cute!
“I love you so much… Be mine?” – ok slipped right in the pile of corn you left there. Ewww now I’m all covered in corn chunks!
“I love you so much more Tomi… I’m all yours and yours alone, forever” - *warning signal* oh my god it’s a vat of corn!!! Look out!!!
“Dude don’t poke my man gut” he said laughing. – lol
Bill laughed at his remark, he then look at his mother who was typing a text message.
He then mouth “I love you” to Tom.
Tom smiled and mouthed “I love you too” – that’s just about right!
Date: 12/29/08 02:30 pm Title: Changes and special needs
Bill shrugged “Will you guys be going too?” he asked. – he’s kidding right?
He loved how his hair came down slightly over the left side of his face, making him look angelic and dark all at once.
His heart sank whenever Bill had his lips parted slightly; it made him want to kiss him roughly, to taste his mouth and to feel its warmth.
Tom wanted to feel his barbell grace his own tongue; he wanted Bill to tease him with it, to make him beg for more. - *shivers* me too!!! *guttural sigh*
Tom nodded “Yeah, you’re just so… Perfect” he said smirking. – just right! On the edge of cheese but not too far into it!
He looked into Bill’s eyes and spoke yet again “I told them that I wanted to fix my relationship with you, because you are my twin, there for you are the most important person in my life… So they knew I was being serious so, I guess they respected that and backed off” – a little over dramatic but *makes a face* got the point across.
Tom hesitated but then spoke “I-I want to kiss you” he said piercing Bill with his eyes.
Bill smiled “You just did”
Tom shook his head “No, I mean a real kiss” – ok *giggles* a little corny but awh!!!
Bill’s eyes widened “You mean like, with our mouths open and tongues?” – ok too far!
Bill blushed and then spoke “I don’t know how to, I-I’ve never kissed anyone before” - *flutter claps* Tom gets to teach him. *grins*
Tom put more force into the kiss causing Bill to release a small moan. Tom smiled into the kiss and so did Bill.
“I love it when you do that” – me too!
Tom kissed him again, letting his tongue slide out to lick Bill’s bottom lip begging for entrance. – good line!
Bill let more moans escape his throat, making Tom force himself deeper in Bill’s mouth while holding him even tighter against him.
Bill let his tongue work along Tom’s, teasing him with the stud just like Tom wanted. - *shivers* yes just right!!! Oh god yes!
“Don’t be upset Tomi, I- I’ll let you do it again” Bill whispered into Tom’s ear.
Tom let a devilish grin grow wide across his face “You better” he said smirking. - *devilish grin* yeah you’d better…*shudders* oh god!
Date: 12/29/08 02:03 pm Title: The dream
The best stuff you write is: the notes at the tops of some of the chapters. They’re really good. The scenes of abuse, you do those bits just right with enough details to get the idea across but not so many that I have to read it behind my hands. You get the tenderness between the boys right…The only hiccup is the corny words of love and explanations of twincest/love between them. Everything else is written with sublet grace the twincest is too heavy handed and you try and explain too much.
I think I forgot to say something about Bill breathing in the dust of the carpet…that was a really good line from before.
Jorg smiled and dragged Bill by his wrists, not caring that he got carpet burns, not caring that his whole body and his head were being brutally hit against the stairs. – nice detail!
Bill’s eyes watered, he knew what was coming, it had been happening for so long. – this what I’m talking about subtle. We know it’s bad because of Bill reaction.
“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to get the bat” - *shudders* very creepy
“This is going to hurt you so much, I can’t wait to hear you scream” – ewww
“TOMI!” he screamed at the top of his lungs as he started to cry hysterically. - *heart aches*
Awh all snuggly Tomi and Billa
“He’s the one” – corn but not as bad as last time…you could have gotten away with this one…if not for the others! *makes a face*
Date: 12/29/08 01:41 pm Title: Confessions
Both twins were sitting on Tom’s bed, Tom against the headboard and Bill curled up on his lap. – awh!
He couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty, after all… This had been going on for the past 7 years and he and his mother had no clue about it.
And to top it off, Tom was mean to him during the time. Bill was alone through all this. – Bill was right Tom’s feeling all guilty…but better guilty about this then the alternative…death
“Um, maybe… Um, 5 times a week” – oohh
“Does he feed you?” Tom asked feeling Bill’s ribs against his fingertips.
Bill sighed and cuddled closer to his twin “No” he said obviously tired. – oi!
“Can I…” he hesitated; Tom gave him a reassuring smile and wrapped his arms around his waist.
He breathed in deeply “Can I stay here with you, to live?” he asked Tom looking away.
Tom cupped his face “Do you honestly think, that I would let you go back after all this?” he said lovingly. – Right answer!!!
“Do you think that… T-that we’re attracted to each other?” Tom asked blushing uncontrollably. - *eye roll* super corny! If I wasn’t already invested in the story that would have been the kiss of death for me…I have a feeling there’s more corny lines coming up. *grunts*
“I-I’m attracted to you too” he said bluntly. – corn!
He and Tom were brothers, twin brothers… And they were attracted to each other, and they both knew about it, did that make them a couple? – and then they had sex …corn pure corn!
… It feels so right” – OMG could you have gone anymore “Classic twincest”? It’s so wrong we’re brothers but it’s so right!
…I still like it but I’m going to comment on the corn ok?! Ok
Yeah Tom’s going to protect Billa!