Date: 11/29/08 09:05 pm Title: Chapter 3
This is really sad...I can't wait to keep reading!
Date: 11/29/08 09:01 pm Title: Chapter 2
I'm beginning to think the ending bits are with Bill and his father, Jorg...Good so far. I can't wait to see why Bill's being such a bitch.
Date: 11/29/08 08:53 pm Title: Chapter 1
As much as I loved this as a first chapter, and the video fit it perfectly, so far anyway, I don't understand the last bit. And I want to.
Date: 11/21/08 02:08 pm Title: Chapter 11
*big eyes* in irritation he thinks he might be killed? WTF? He could have a bad feeling but not think he might be killed he’s had so little interaction with “him” he knows the plan that’s so stupid and lame! Come on!
OMG and he tells his mom come on! Lame lame lame!
Date: 11/21/08 02:03 pm Title: Chapter 10
it's so empty, you have a storyline, and details but there's isn't any emotion and this sex scene is lame and routine no passion. *sigh*
Date: 11/21/08 01:43 pm Title: Chapter 8
Who the hell is Uno? HS student? There was no explanation
Same rule for BTW as for WTF!
Why is Bill ok with Tom becoming a whore he’ll be trapped like Bill is? If Bill loved him then he wouldn’t want him to be hurt like he is.
Nope without question sex scenes are one of the things you are good at!
Date: 11/21/08 01:31 pm Title: Chapter 7
Decent sex scene, but the disappointing thing is that if you can write a good sex scene that means you can write a good story, and this story has been so empty of details and character development.
WTF is not ok to use in a story, it is slang, abbreviation not a real word!
Finally some storyline and details with the story. I’ve been waiting several chapters for it to get good, I didn’t expect it to at all!
Author's Response: I think I suck at sex scenes, seems like we have a very different taste...I'll just try and make better fics in the rest of my life? Jeeze, I only wrote it because it needed to come out, you're not the only one with problems y'know *yes, I read your bio, maybe I'm gonna read your fic too* I'm just hopelessly confused with your reviews, but I gues it's all my own fault...
Date: 11/21/08 01:22 pm Title: Chapter 6
"Why, Bill? Why would you do that to yourself? How can you do that to us? To Gustav and Tom. And me!" Georg begged. I just sighed. – Why is Tom in there, they aren’t friends, lovers they don’t know each other that well?
I kind of get that Bill’s making money by fucking the boys at school but the exchange between him and whoever that is who goes to the janitors closet with him is odd and badly worded.
intersting twist at the end! I really like that! A LOT!
Date: 11/21/08 01:13 pm Title: Chapter 5
"I won't rape you, promise." – what? Where would that come from and why is Tom such a wuss?
What? Where did the he only likes me for my body thing come from?? Oh ok it’s a Bill thought I thought it was a Tom thought. Depressed thoughts straight to happy giggles?
What’s up with the master bedroom and sex toys?
I really really like that you write this from Bill's view! I also really like the ominous phone calls from his pimp, they are good too!
Author's Response: Side story, not important, Bill got his parents some sex toys...and thanks? *still doesn't understand you, I know, I'm a hopeless person*
Date: 11/21/08 01:01 pm Title: Chapter 4
How can Tom have a trademark smirk if he’s the new guy? Awkward wording, who sound like this? - "Bill has some bad memories, let him and he'll tell you some time. Just try and don't smirk around Bill anymore. He would highly appreciate that." Georg said and Tom nodded.; I’m not trying to be a bitch cause I like where this story is going, really I do that’s why I’m still reading it, but the writing OMG it makes me want to scream! If Bill has such a problem with smirking then why does everyone in the story keep doing it?! They would have learned to do something else. Aarrggghh!
“He had been so gentle, so caring, and still Bill didn't accept him.” How? Had he been gentel and caring they haven’t had like any interaction. They’ve seen each other a couple of times. And they think the other one is hot, but they havn’t talked and Bill’s been a total bitch to Tom, there’s no way Bill would be popular with his attitude flip flopping like that, Bill has to fake it more. Aarrrgggh I’m so frustrated cause this freaking story has so much potential and it’s just a crappy mess right now!
Trying to make him hot enough for bill? What? What? Where did that come from?
Who is Dunja in this story what is her purpose his sister? The master? What is her role, she seems to just be in there for the fun of it?
Author's Response: Okay, Dunja is the mother from Bill...I agree that Bill ain't faking enough, and I am not american or english, so sorry for my very bad english...and no one smirks around Bill...only around others...Tomi's head over toe in love with Bill and Georg wants to help, that's where the 'trying to make him hot enough for bill' came from...Sorry if my writing bothers you, I never once said that I'm good at it...So if you hate it, why reading?? *doesn't understand you*
Date: 11/21/08 12:38 pm Title: Chapter 3
Conveniently everyone’s gay? And they each know each other secrets?! Oh and Tom and Bill like each other right off the bat? WTF?! *shakes head* this is not decent writers block plotline come on! I’m all irritated cause I’m still reading this and more irritated because the storyline, and character development are so icky! Gustav is conveniently abused?! And Bill knows?!!!
These are all good ideas I wouldn’t have put them all in the same story. And there needs to be some mystery about it. We can’t all, just know! We have to freaking discover!
Date: 11/21/08 12:28 pm Title: Chapter 2
More plot! More character development! More motive behind their actions! More transitions! Less Marty Sue! eeehhh the only thing that's keeping me here is the freaking idea behind the plot! aarrgghh
Date: 11/21/08 12:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
It’s interesting but dribble, the writing is kind of crappy honey but the story idea is decent. I only say this because you said it was written out of writers block and this is not your “baby” other wise I’d be a little more sugar coated. *muwah*
Date: 11/20/08 06:01 pm Title: Epilogue
wooo!d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)
d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)d:)
Author's Response: :D I like you liked it xD
Date: 11/20/08 05:57 pm Title: Chapter 11
yea....d:)
Author's Response: yeah, yeah
Date: 11/20/08 05:51 pm Title: Chapter 10
wat bushy gonna do now.....
Author's Response: something ;-)
Date: 11/20/08 05:46 pm Title: Chapter 9
is it bushy?
Author's Response: Hehe, you find out
Date: 11/19/08 12:53 pm Title: Epilogue
AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
You know I'll miss this fiction so badly, you know that, right? D':
It was so beautiful to read it, so fluent and and so good! That made me happy, sad, feel like crying, smile, at the same time, and I won't ever thank you enough for writing this! ^_^
I can't still decide who was actually the best, if Tom or Bill. I can swear I loved Bill a lot, because I enjoyed his experience, the way you wrote it, the way he met Bushido. But Tom's so innocent, and I loved the fact that mainly, it was Bill the one who, ahem... topped the most. xDDD So their relationship was so great and so lovely to read, the development immensely sweet. :)
And if I can notice a small detail. I don't know why, bu the fact that Bill was unable to say Bushido's name made me tremble in plaisure. *-* (Told you, it's a weird reason, I don't know why xD). Maybe it's because that gave the readers a perfect idea on how much Bushido... 'owned' them somehow. I really, really liked it.
And the last scene!! xD So hot! Perfect conclusion, you know. xD *pervy grin*
Seriously, I love your hot scenes, they honestly glued my eyes to the screen, from the first word to the last one. So good, yes.
And like I told you, I'll miss this so much. :'( I swear I was very pleased to read it, maybe a quickly published sequel will comfort me and save me from loneliness, don't you think so? xDDD
*giggles* You can update when you want, but just so you know, I can't wait for it!! :D For now, I add this series to favorites.
And I'm so sorry I didn't get to read the ending so soon, but I had a Maths test. :'( So if you still want to found that anti-school club, you know where to find me. xD
Well... I'll try to convince myself this is not a goodbye... (there's a sequel, sequel, sequel!!! >.
Author's Response: OMG Ö Thank YOU for those beauty first lines Ö That made me happy, sad, feel like crying, smile, at the same time, and I won't ever thank you enough for writing this! Love you <3 I love it too *reason why I wrote it xD* It gives some strenght to Bushido actualy...just like in Harry Potter xD Voldermort O_O...*isn't scared to say any name* Me be writing the first chap of the sequel...maybe updated tonight...you happy?? :D And I'm SOOOOO happy I'm sick...Now I can write the whole day xD I love my ending too O_O Everytime I reread it, I'm glued to the screen, too xD Maybe I'm not that bad at sexscenes xDrnxx Chirnrnrnrnrnrn*Hate school!*
Date: 11/19/08 12:24 pm Title: Chapter 11
Awww!
First of all, I'm so sorry I didn't get the time to review before, but as you said, school sucks.
But OMG I wish I had time to do it!! It was amazing, I loved it, from the action to the happy ending. ^-^
That's why I'm glad Bushido's in jail by now, he totally deserved it. u_u
And Bill was actually the best here, you know why? u_u He needed to find so much bravery to tell his parents everything, I really admired his strenght. ^-^ And Tomi was surely with him, that's soooo good. :)
Now I see there's an epilogue. *goes to read*
Author's Response: Hehe, school's a bitch, sadly not mine *I would sooooooooo change it if it were xD*rnxx Chi *goes responding on other review xP*