Yesplease? *blinks eyes prettily*

Author's Response: :] you ask so nicely and your eyelashes are so pretty...okay maybe next week! Geez!

oh my gosh!!!!!!! a chris brown? wow.... um yeah......... roflmao

Author's Response: LOL, I know. But seriously, I luv C.B.

lol i agree. I cna't believe Tom just did that to Bill. Did you at any chance role play it, hmmm? *Raises eyebrow*

Author's Response: Nah, I would've kicked ass :} lol

awwww poor bill!!!

Author's Response: I know!!!

honey your missing a month... its not july 31st then september 1st.. just though you should know.. but i do love this story

Author's Response: DANKE ! I totally screwed over August huh?

I. Need. More.
LIKE RIGHT NOW!

Author's Response: HEY! :sniffles: Don't go Tom me..! LOL

Don’t go into labor, Tomi.” Bill grinned slyly. That was his running joke. Tom never failed to act like a pregnant woman with his constant bitchy mood-swings.- the labor comment is fine but the running joke thing is…off, we haven’t heard of a running joke yet, this is the first time this has been commented on. Yes his moods are like a pregnant woman but there has been no joke up to this point.

toying with the Blackberry he just got Bill and his own iPhone like how a child would with toy cars, little sound effects and all. - I like this line but it’s in the wrong place. It needs to be up where Bill is paining his nails. If it’s down with Tom being angry and pissy then it throws off the mood of that part.

one newly arched eyebrow raised up - what? Isn’t an arched eyebrow raised up already?

“Hell no. I don’t love anyone but me and my twin.” Bill stated seriously, not noticing the slight hurt in Tom’s face. Tom scratched his head nervously.
“Speaking of, do you know anything about your twin?” Tom asked - I’d forgotten about the twin thing.

but its hard to find a girl who wants the same so early - shouldn’t it be “someone” instead of “a girl” since he’s now into guys too? *grins*

“…does it have to be a girl?” - ha ha same page!!!

“Shoot me in the fucking mouth!” - ah ha ha ha *cracks up*

“Bill ,you look too good for words. Instead of roses, I should just give you the world.” - OMG slaps Bu for cheesy line!!!

After a brief second, a soft click was heard and Tom grabbed a knob to right before tugging on it, the wall sliding to the right as a small door was revealed. - what??? *scoffs* come on! Way too mission impossible in the middle of a perfectly good t*cest story!

He could take a shot from any ankle and once he snapped it - um angle?

He was the executioner. - the killer?

The movie was good,--hell--it could’ve been great.
But Bushido had to bring his whole fucking posse. - nuh-uh!!! Lol that’s so funny!!!

Is it nine or eighteen??? You change your number within a few sentences

Tom sucked his teeth. - once or twice fine but…oy!more then once is just kind of gross!

23:00 - do real people really tell time like that?

“Don’t you fucking touch me! Where’s Bill! Did you send him back?!” Georg roared angered and Tom clenched and unclenched his face. - oh he’s worried about Bill!! *grins and smiles bemused*

“With Bushido? Did you sell him?” - *cracks up* probably not funny in the moment but so funny for me right now!!!

“How much?! Whatever it is, I’ll double it! I want Billa!” Georg shrieked his confession painfully as the truth bounced off the walls and into Tom’s psyche.
Georg wanted Bill…his Bill… - awh!!! But doesn’t he have Gustav?

and he’s not for sell!” - um grammar please…sale!

Stygian - someone tried using the thesaurus too much! Use words that most people have heard, its ok to stretch your vocab and use words that you don’t usually use but try to keep it within normal ranges of speech bitte!

He had snapped.
“Or I will fuck-ing kill you.” he whispered dainty, smugly, easily in a sing-song voice despite being dead serious.
Georg swallowed, nervous. - this is on the edge of too much anything beyond this will be too much!

Bill didn’t even noticed the overturned table, or the death glares being armed squarely at the two men. Instead he rushed to Georg and gave him a warm, friendly hug. - I like Bill’s oblivious behavior.

Georg, awed, quickly regain his senses and hugged Bill back. Georg nuzzled his face shameless into Bill’s fruit-scented hair, sighing audibly as he cradled the object of his affection carefully in his arm. Georg had barely slept or ate at all since Bill left. He found himself tormented by Bill’s beauty and wanted to protect him…he wanted him all to himself. He’d pay any price to continue to hold Bill. To caress his back as he did now for a few moment longer. To feel Bill’s eyelashes flutter against his cheek as they did now…and to hold him for just a second later. - PERFECT! Seriously perfect!

Bill shook his head and laughed. - I know Bill is oblivious but he isn’t stupid. Don’t you think he’d be more nervous in a sitch like this. Once I figured it out I would be nervous and on edge.

“And you just practically melted! You never melt for me!” Tom grilled out his insecurities before he shook him again, Bill’s head connecting with the wall with a harsh thump. Bill cried out like a wounded animal as he pleaded for Tom to let him go.
“Tom you’re hurting me!” Bill whimpered in a defeated, damaged voice. Tom was too livid to even hear Bill’s begs.
“Did you do that for Bushido? Huh? Did you?!” Tom growled as he gripped Bill tighter, his fingernails digging in his biceps mercilessly. Bill screamed on the top of his lungs tying to fight Tom off. - oh my!!!! *sighs* this is NOT good at all!

What Bill didn’t know that his twin brother heard him loud and clear. - yeah figured that was going to happen since you teased us with it earlier.

Author's Response: I luv your reviews, they are very insightful and I tweaked and fixed it! Thanks!

omg ugh saddddd

Author's Response: i knw hon! :{

Oh shit!

Author's Response: thatz what i said!!!

interesting......


bwaha... nice reference!

Author's Response: thnks!! But seriously, I love Chris Brown, lulzrn