Date: 02/22/11 12:43 am Title: Chapter 3
LOL "dont even think about telling anyone im waring foundation" ROFLMAO
cant wait for more
i really really love this
Date: 10/19/08 04:25 pm Title: Chapter 3
good!!..continue!=DDDDDD
Author's Response: Thank you! for reading... I'm just waiting for the next chapter to be sent back from my beta and then i'll post.
Date: 09/19/08 11:03 pm Title: Chapter 2
I really didn't know how I would like a Mpreg fic where Tom is the one pregnant, but I'm really loving this story. It's very well written, I can't wait for more. :)
Date: 09/19/08 02:22 pm Title: Chapter 2
that is just so sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: 09/16/08 12:11 pm Title: Chapter 1
oh dear!! this is so neat! tomi is jsut so cute with a baby in his belly!
Date: 09/15/08 06:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
Potentially, you have a good story, but you need to work on your punctuation / sentence construction.
I don't expect fics to be perfect, but it makes them more enjoyable to read if they are well written.
But yeah, the only way to get better is to keep writing! So don't be offended by a little constructive criticism :)
I want to see how they are going to cope with this pregnancy!
Date: 09/15/08 05:26 pm Title: Chapter 1
YEY!!!...TOMPREG!!!!!CONTINUE!!!
Date: 09/10/08 08:07 pm Title: Prologue
She's not being cruel, she's totally telling the truth. The first two sentences in the story weren't even really sentences, they were fragments. I'm sorry, but to write a good story, you have to have at least a basic knowledge of sentence structure and grammar. She could have a good thing going, but without a lot of work, I have a feeling that this story will just end up being poorly constructed sentences and cliched ideas. I really hope she does work things out, though.
Date: 09/10/08 06:45 pm Title: Prologue
omg I like it! specially the part where Bill topped XDDDD that definitely made me love this even more!!
do the Gs know? out of everyone the twins know, personally I think that the Gs should, just because I'm sure they're really close to them too. their mother, family, friends, management, and everyone else shouldn't know but the Gs... because, I dunno, it just seems right. aha, just my opinion. :P
I really want to see what happens soon.
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!! x333
Date: 09/10/08 04:55 pm Title: Prologue
A Mpreg!! I love Mpregs!! And this seems good already!!! I like it very much!!! Please update!!
Date: 09/10/08 04:49 pm Title: Prologue
Hey gril don't be so cruel. This is not even bad, it's just a prologue. Almost every prologue I've read was the same as this. It ended well and I'm sure the 1st chapter of the story will be alright.
By the way, not all stories have to be the same you know. Some people have their own style of writing, why not let it be? If you don't like it, don't read it. There are heaps of other stories written up to ur expectations. Don't judge people for being different. After all, this is their way of expressing themselves.
As for the story, I think it's good, and I'm sure it will get better from here.
Date: 09/10/08 05:25 am Title: Prologue
So the thing is, I can't properly review this story because it's not a story. It's a list. You're saying "This happened, then this happened, then they did this and then this happened, and after that they did this..." Yeah, that's not a fic.
I get that this is a prologue and you wanted to put in background information but really? The first chapter is supposed to draw the reader in, not flood with them with so much nonsense that they don't know right from left. Not only that, but the twin's entire life story wasn't necessary at all.
I can't tell if you even have a good idea behind this fic or not (and for all I know you might) because I got so lost in all of this unnecessary information that you piled on me. Trust me when I say the narrator's voice is best used in a limited quantity. Very, very few people can pull it off without alienating the reader. You didn't just manage to alienate me here, you managed to make me recoil.
I think you'd be better off jumping straight into the story, and actually *telling* it. And by telling I don't mean giving us another list, but showing us what happens, why it happens and how it happens.
Write with the thought of showing the story to your reader, not bombarding them with information, and you might be surprised at the results.
-Ella