Date: 01/18/09 03:52 pm Title: Chapter 7
lol A gansta smiley eh? hahaaha
Sweet chapter! I"m glad you finally got to continue writing^^
Author's Response: Lol, yes you get one as well! (:P Thanks so much for your review! xxx
Date: 01/18/09 12:07 pm Title: Chapter 7
aww poor bill and tomi was so swete to him? are they gonna tell simone soon? i think as tom dickhead of a father knows she should to especially as she knows bill gay. just my opinion love the story and cant wait for the next chapter
much love
xXx
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I don't know if they will tell Simone soon, I will see how the story plans out. (:P xxx
Date: 01/18/09 11:34 am Title: Chapter 7
That was so cute!!! Good on both Tom & Bill love this story.. Keep up daiting my dear love it.
Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much for you lovely review! Will try to update sooner this time! And heres a gangsta smiley as promised! (:P xxx
Date: 01/16/09 11:53 pm Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
And to add on what I wrote below.
This is just a spice of advice.
Read your story, act as if its not YOUR story your reading. Then, when you reach the end, write what your minds wanders to think what i going to happen.
It seems to me you need to grasp the story itself again. Build the fire back up.
Now come on girl lets get them Twincest, Cesting!
Author's Response: Ok, I will try that to just finish the last part of the next chapter. And your 100% right, i do need to grasp the story again. That last line put a smile on my face! Thank you for that!! xxx
Date: 01/16/09 11:43 pm Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Lol it depresses me.
That such a good story is going to waste because its failed to be updated.
This is a REALLY great story. And I would love to see it continued.
Have you ever read a story that you couldnt wait for a update, then it never was updated? Take us out of our misery. Update!
And if you arent going to be updating anymore. Post it as its on a Definite Hiatus.
If you need inspriration, put yourself into the story, think of what would go on if something like that was going on with you. Read stories that in some what relate to that.Or ask someone for help. Just please, if your goign to update, please do soon.
If I came off as rude. I'm sorry. That wasnt my intention at all. Its a wonderful story and I would love to see it coming alive once more. Many people would.
Once again Im sorry if I came off as a bitch. I love your story, please update soon.b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;
Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review. I have started work on the next chapter, and i am half way through. It will definitely be up in the next week. I'm so sorry that I havnt updated sooner, and you most definitely didn't come off as rude. The wait won't be much longer, i absoloutely promise you! xxx
Date: 12/28/08 09:59 pm Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Please update soon. I'd hate to see this story left undone. Your really getting somewhere with this. Start off the newyear with a new update!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! And Im trying so hard to find inspiration, but its not hitting me yet. I'll make that my new years resolution! xxx
Date: 11/17/08 09:04 pm Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
this stroy is so good please update soon
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I'm trying to update, but I'm finding it hard. Hopefully a new chapter will be up shortly. xxx
Date: 10/11/08 08:06 am Title: Chapter 6
awwwwwwwwwwww soo cutee and amazing
tyyy x
Author's Response: Thanks so much! xxx
Date: 10/09/08 04:44 pm Title: Chapter 6
*They are so cute together :- ) It makes my heart melt.
*It's so sad, Tom's mother died, and his father is such an ass :-( Good thing he has Bill now :)
Nice chapter!
Author's Response: Awww, thanks so much! Bills his hero!! xxx
Date: 10/07/08 01:52 am Title: Chapter 2
Hi. I'm trying to give your story a chance, but there's a few problems I'm having with it.
First, Bill seems a tad bit childish. If we readers are to believe that he can be in a relationship with a 22 year old man, he's got to stop the whining and shit. I know he's a teenager and all, and I don't expect him to act so grown up that people mistake him for a 40 year old, but you get my point. The whining at the beginning was a bit grating to be honest. Also, with the whining... you don't have to expresss it by drawing out the words (for example: Moooooom). That makes your story seem like it's written by a newbie. Just say: "Mom." Bill whined... it sounds and looks much better.
Secondly, I notice your have tiny mistakes with words. Such as: 'the actually test' or whatever you put. The word 'actually' is not used there. It should be: 'the actual test'. Actually is used like this: "He actually went to that school, I'm telling the truth!" OR "Actually, I think I'll go to bed now. I'm so tired."
Third, in your stories please don't make weird comments or thoughts that aren't by the actual characters in your plot. You did it in the prologue and you did it again here with: (If you haven't guessed by now, then yes, Bill is gay!) Um what? Why would you suddenly put that in the middle of the story? It takes the reader out of the story and makes it sort of a joke when you do something like that. Plus it sort of insults our intelligence while reading. Of course Bill is either gay or bisexual in an obviously slash story with a Tom/Bill pairing. If a person is reading your story and can't figure out it's a romance or flirting between two men from your plot, then you have bigger problems. So take away the author comments during your fic. Writing is about being able to convey all that you want to convey to your readers by your actual words in the plot. If you are trying to show your character is sad, then it should be obvious through your writing instead of you having to go: (and if you haven't guessed, he's sad.) Just like you explained that Bill is gay. You shouldn't have to point that out. Having him check Tom out should have been enough.
So, back to the story so far. It's not bad, but it's also not good. You may want to get a beta--or a different one if you already have one--and have them help you flesh out your fic. You have decent sentence structure and grammar, you just need to watch the little mistakes and wrong word usage from time to time. Also, think about my advice about the strange comments you throw into your story. YOu may want to go and read over your chapters before you post them and delete those odd comments.
I'm going to continue reading, because I think this is a cute idea for a plot.
Author's Response: Wow, okay. I will take everything on board that you said, and thanks for giving me advice. I'm still learning about how to write decent stories so I appreaciate your review. xxx
Date: 09/28/08 02:28 am Title: Chapter 6
Great updates! Tom's dad's a bitch though....
Author's Response: He really is, but he has to be for the story I'm afraid. Thanks for your review! xxx
Date: 09/27/08 06:21 pm Title: Chapter 6
awww.... d:)(gangsta smiley)
Author's Response: I love your gangsta smiley, its adorable!! I'm gonne use it myself sometime! d:) Thanks for your review! xxx
Date: 09/27/08 12:58 pm Title: Chapter 6
Ooooh that was so good! xxx
Author's Response: Thanks so much! xxx
Author's Response: Thanks so much! xxx
Date: 09/26/08 07:56 pm Title: Chapter 6
awwh that was so cute but i feel bad for tomi.
anyway thanks for the update=DD
Author's Response: Thank you very much! xxx
Date: 09/26/08 07:17 pm Title: Chapter 6
That was cute....Poor Tom though.
Author's Response: Thanks. I feel really bad being mean to Tom, but I have to for the story! xxx
Date: 09/26/08 07:00 pm Title: Chapter 6
i'm glad they had a nice talk^^
don't worry, school can be stressful!
just continue when you can!
Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely review! xxx
Date: 09/26/08 06:32 pm Title: Chapter 6
this is a good review :-D
Like your story :D
Author's Response: Thank you very much! xxx
Date: 09/26/08 06:26 pm Title: Chapter 6
So adorable ^_^
I really enjoy this story. it's just brilliant :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! xxx
Date: 09/20/08 07:38 pm Title: Chapter 5
hi OMG i can´t believe they are finally together i mean TOGETHER i´m so happy your strory is great i hope you´ll continue it soon
see you
Author's Response: Thank you so much! xxx
Date: 09/19/08 03:12 pm Title: Chapter 5
* I so don't like Gordon. Damn, is that a father?! STOP SHOUTING AT TOM ! GOT THAT?!
*Noooooo!! That flashback is so painful! :( Poor poor Tom !
*Good thing Tom told/yelled everything.
I hate you Gordon! Don't you dare hitting Tom again!
*He went to Bill, at least someone who truly loves him.
*"If you were anyone else, you would be in deep trouble for being mean to my hat."
-> hehe, :P
*Gawd, that sex was so hot yet so loving!
Great chapter!
So full of emotions, I got completely caught up in it, so well-written!
Author's Response: I hate writing about Gordon being mean to Tom, it makes me feel so guilty, but its got to be done! I've never written a sex scene before, so thank you for saying it was hot!! Thank you so much for your review! xxxx