Just finished reading your story and found it pretty good. I like Greta and Sofia a lot for some reason. Maybe because you make them seem so natural. Most authors who include OFCs make them all too perfect. I like original characters that seem like normal human beings and now stupid Mary Sues - and you did a really good job in coming up with these two girls.

At times, your writing occured a bit weird to me. Before I realised that you're from New Zealand, I thought you're not a native speaker of English. A lot of your sentences sound as if they have been translated from German or French. But I doubt that German and French are native languages to you? So, you might want to get a beta, maybe?

When you're talking of the "Tal", do you take it for what it is, a valley? Or is it just a name for something else? It sounded a bit weird to me from the beginning, and when you wrote that this "Tal" is very close to the school which is in the middle of Loitsche, I found it definitely weird. I doubt there's a valley in Loitsche. A park would have been much more plausible.

What else?
Oh yeah, when you mentioned that Freiburg always was part of Western Germany and that Tom felt weird about moving there because of that...I doubt Tom would feel that way. I doubt young German people generally feel that way at all. The West and East-stuff may still be a problem at times, but dedinitely not for people born in 1989 and later. They grew up with Germany as a whole with no border splitting the country. And as Bill said when once asked if his "Freiheit 89" has something to do with the Fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 he was pretty much surprised that anybody would have even thought of such a possibility. 1989 does not signify the German Reunification to him in the first place. So I assumed Tom feel's the same way about that.
Oh, and really, this is just to let you know and is not meant in a negative way. I just felt like giving you this info in order to help you broaden your knowledge about German and German people's why of life.

Oh, and it's "Schieße" not "Shieße". ;D

But all in all, a good story. And I appreciate the fact that it did not include Twincest at all.

~ eury ~

Author's Response: 1. Thankyou
2.I grew up in London so yes i am a native English speaker, i do not find my writing confusing and if there are some mistakes i usualy proof-read.
3.Tal as in valley. They're not necessarily in Loitsche when they're there. Park's too common
4.I know that they were born in '89 and i know all about the Berlin Wall becuase i take history. It still doesn't change the fact that there was an Eastern and WEstern Germany.
5.I know how to spell Schieße already.
6.Thankyou, no problem.

WTF?
Queer bitch lol.
I would write more but I'm fucking confused.
His mom must be like.
Man my Billa.
Sure loved the old Mr.Stalin.
But it's not Mr.Stalin that Billa was suicidal over.
It was cause he lost Tomi.
Still.
WTF mate.

YYYAAAYYY TOM'S NOT DEAD!!!!!!!! =D =D =D

thank you, u saved my day!
i loved it. fabolous. brilliant!
continue sooooon??

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAH OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! Are you crazy!? I'm crying of joy of fucking fuck so he's not dead! That has been only a dream to Bill?! How come?! Oh fuck I don't even care how that happened, I just feel so excited that he's still alive of fucking fuuuuuck! Bill HAS to take a train right now and go straight to Tom and hugh him to death! OMG you're forgiven for this

Author's Response: The train to Freiburg... or vice versa... *wink*

shtishitshit, i luv it!
o.o more

Now you begin pumping life again into your story! But I have a stroooong urge to KILL that bastard who tortures Bill!

you just have to update soon. plz plz plz update soon.

Author's Response: Just did (:

ah!!!! no!!!

You left it on a cliffhanger! Ahh! I can't wait for more ;)