Date: 05/31/08 09:06 pm Title: Chapter 6
wow hard way to figure that out :(
but it was awsome :)
and are they REALLLYYY gonna break up??? O_O
Author's Response: They have already broken up :/ And thanks! :)
Date: 05/31/08 06:29 pm Title: Chapter 6
FUCKING GUTTED
Lol.
I'd write more but I'm sleepy.
Xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Author's Response: Haha! I didn't understand that....
Date: 05/31/08 03:29 pm Title: Chapter 6
Yo Foxy mama.
I feel so sorry for Tom, but I'm fighting with myself fr being sympathetic to him.
Loved it, as usual.
Author's Response: Ah! SL! Thank you! ;D
Date: 05/31/08 02:56 pm Title: Chapter 6
Okay, I have read all chapters leading up to this point and I would like to say I really like the story, but there's something that I notice you keep doing that bugs me.
You usually write NC-17 stories. That means it's explicit, right? Yet, your characters--who are guys by the way--keep using terms for their dicks like: "my soldier", "my little buddy", "My little limp member" and other such stuff.
Guys would just say "My dick" or "my cock" It completely throws the reader when you keep weirdly referring to their penises like that. Maybe you have the wrong rating or whatnot, but I'd rather you use the word "penis" than use all that other stuff. It's just...odd.
Other than that, your stores are usually decent. Sometimes I find certain phrases are worded strangely, but that could just be because of the language barrier. You also tend to leave out certain important words in a sentence from time to time. For instance like: "She needed go to the store." when it should be: "She needed TO go..." So just watch that in the future.
But most of all, please please stop referring to guys parts as "soldier" etc. And please stop having your characters do it. Even in a lower rated story, you can still just say "dick".
Author's Response: The reason I use those terms for Tom, especially, is because I want him to come off as very embarrassed about the whole thing. When I write what he thinks, I try to adapt it to how "he" would think. And it's a bit weird for me, actually, to use the words "dick" and "cock" because I'm from a family where those are no-no words xD The first stories I wrote didn't have those words at all, I think and it felt so wrong for me to write. And for language barrier, you're probaby right. I tend to rush a bit, but when I read over it before posting, I usually catch it. || But in other stories, I think I usually use those terms you were referring to. It's special for this one that it goes with "solider" and stuff. To show how Tom is distanced from his work and that not all porn-stars are perverts, aye. And thanks for telling me you liked it. Makes this good constructive critisism and not just... Yeah ;P
Date: 05/31/08 12:49 pm Title: Chapter 6
Ah, I was awaiting the slap. I knew it had to come at some point. And it final did. *cheers for Bill*
But... okay, I knew there'd be a fight, but dammit you better update soon!!!!!!!!!!! I hate leaving off in the middle of a big fight; I need make-up/apology session!! NOW! ... soon, please? I might go mad. And it's never a good thing to go mad around Finals/testing week. XD
Love it. Update!soon!
Author's Response: *is scared* Woah! Then updates for you and your finals! :O
Date: 05/31/08 08:35 am Title: Chapter 6
So sad, poor Tom. ;_;
Please reunited this 2 please. ;_; ;_; ;_;
Author's Response: <3
Date: 05/31/08 04:32 am Title: Chapter 6
aaaw!!! poor tomi...
Author's Response: :/
Date: 05/31/08 02:20 am Title: Chapter 6
Yay, you have no idea how happy I am to see an update! XD Teehee.
Oh my God. I love this story! Amazing job! But this chapter was sad. :( Poor Bill. And poor Tomi, getting slapped.
More! :) Eee, I can't wait. Omg. Haha.
Author's Response: Thank you! And yeah, I felt it was sad, too :/
Date: 05/31/08 12:36 am Title: Chapter 6
Oh, it's sad to see how tom and bill fell out like that. But at least tom doesn't need to lie anymore. He'll make it up to bill, will he?
Please update soon
Author's Response: Maybe he will :)
Date: 05/31/08 12:22 am Title: Chapter 6
omg i like cried, oh mna i hope there's a happy ending :(
Author's Response: I almost cried myself! :O *gives cookie*
Date: 05/30/08 11:16 pm Title: Chapter 6
oh ym god.
My heart hurts. :(
Author's Response: Sorreh :(
Date: 05/30/08 06:40 pm Title: Chapter 6
O.O Oh my! What ever shall he do now! Win his heart Tomi! He should take a line from On the Line and have like a heart or something made with lights from a building, a plane with a message fly by or make a message in the sky, or something like that. Lol SAVE ME THE CHEESE! XD
Author's Response: Hahaha! Maybe, maybe ;P
Date: 05/30/08 06:25 pm Title: Chapter 6
nooo!it can't be!
they can't be over!
please writ emore soon
Author's Response: The story isn't over, so... Who knows :P
Date: 05/30/08 05:22 pm Title: Chapter 6
o...m....g.....
Author's Response: Oh no! CRICKETS! Get them off. GETTHEMOFF!
Date: 05/30/08 05:19 pm Title: Chapter 6
aww poor guys...loved this chapter tho! so much emotion
Author's Response: Thank you! ;D Got kind of emotional from it, too.
Date: 05/30/08 05:12 pm Title: Chapter 6
O.O
Nooooo!! They were both wrong: Tom should have told Bill about his actor-things, and Bill should have react a bit less... hyper? (how do you call it :P).
Now TOm must show BIll how much he really loves him :D
update soon ;-)
Author's Response: Bill shouldn't have over reacted you mean? :P
Date: 05/30/08 04:57 pm Title: Chapter 6
oh what a pity??
i m so sad now.
he left Tomi broken, but Bill is broken too.
Alvaaaaaaaaaaa??
Babe???
cookies and cuddles if you ll let them together again.:))
Great cpt sweetie.
Author's Response: Wow, that is tempting... *stares at cookies* I'll guess you'll have to wait and see ;)
Date: 05/30/08 04:54 pm Title: Chapter 6
Ouch.
Well, I guess it had to happen sometime.
Still love this fic though:)
Author's Response: Thanks :)
Date: 05/30/08 03:46 pm Title: Chapter 6
awwww NOOOOOOO!!!! *cries*
update sooooooooon!!
xoxox
Author's Response: :)
Date: 05/30/08 03:44 pm Title: Chapter 6
biaaaaaaaaaaaaatch xD
LOVE bitchy Bill !!!
he ruuules ;p
poor Tomi though, but he should have seen it coming!
and getting hard because of love *heart eyes* cutie
Author's Response: <1<2<3. Yeah, you're a three :)