Date: 10/03/10 03:53 pm Title: Chapter 7
ummmm is someone going to die here i just saw major character death and i donŽt think i can take it if some of the two will die iŽll take stories too seriously xD just in case u could tell me...
Date: 03/29/09 01:41 pm Title: Chapter 7
It's so amazing. Seriously
Please up date soon.
Date: 09/23/08 09:26 am Title: Chapter 7
You're so good at writing! and you're right! the story is getting better every chapter, I can't wait to read more!
please update soon!
Date: 09/11/08 04:23 pm Title: Chapter 7
oh noooooess!!
i thought i had one more chapter.
but no i got ahead of myself.
please don't leave me hanging!! :)
Date: 08/01/08 12:22 pm Title: Chapter 7
very interesting. you told it well. cant wait for more :D
Date: 08/01/08 12:51 am Title: Prologue
its very good so far. very well written :D
Date: 07/13/08 10:58 pm Title: Chapter 7
Its sooo good!!!
cant wait for the next chapter and to find out why TOm isnt awake yet.
Date: 07/05/08 11:15 pm Title: Prologue
Update soon =]
PLEASEE
Date: 05/27/08 06:16 pm Title: Prologue
okay, here's the banner.
i hope you like it !
if you don't, i have several other versions of this with different colour schemes, or i could start over if you have any new ideas. :)
http://i30.tinypic.com/2qsykn6.jpg
Author's Response: It's perfect!!rnit's going up right now :)rnrnTHANKYOU!!rnrnxxx
Date: 05/27/08 08:21 am Title: Chapter 6
more please
Author's Response: Aaharnsoon i promise :)rn
Date: 05/26/08 04:41 pm Title: Chapter 6
okay no problem. :)
would you rather it with some colour or black and white ? and do you want your name on it ?
like, "by innocenceandpurity" ?
Author's Response: Some colour please,rnwith my name :)rnrnthankyou!!
Date: 05/24/08 09:16 pm Title: Chapter 6
i really like this so far :D
please keep writing !
and if you need a banner, i could make one for you ! i'd need some details of what it would have though. :)
Author's Response: Really? could you?rnrnWow. Umm, maybe a picture of Bill looking worried or summat,rnwith 'what you don't know'rnrnwritten somewhere.rnrnactually, ignore me. it doesn't need to be anything in particular, whatever you can do is fine by me, just sorta relevant to the story if you could...rnrnThankyou so much!
Author's Response: Really? could you?rnrnWow. Umm, maybe a picture of Bill looking worried or summat,rnwith 'what you don't know'rnrnwritten somewhere.rnrnactually, ignore me. it doesn't need to be anything in particular, whatever you can do is fine by me, just sorta relevant to the story if you could...rnrnThankyou so much!
Date: 04/11/08 08:10 am Title: Chapter 3
Aww !! I'm totally falling in love with this story, I really want to find out who Hannah is!
More when you can plz!
Date: 04/10/08 02:59 pm Title: Chapter 2
I'm really curious to know why Tom bothered to get a tattoo that he's not going to let anyone see.
Date: 04/10/08 02:53 pm Title: Chapter 1
You pull off first person POV very well and not a lot of people do. I like getting into Bill's head and then getting to see into Tom's head through the diary entries.
Date: 04/10/08 02:46 pm Title: Prologue
I'm intrigued. There's a lot of interesting things going on in this story that have captured my attention. I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism.
Let me say first that I only give constructive criticism when I think someone has potential, so it's really a compliment.
I don't see any major problems with grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Everything is formatted right and you've covered all the basics of writing good fiction. What's left are just a few stylistic things that could make your story better.
For quite a while I was left confused about who the narrator was, which really is not a good thing in first person POV. I realize that you probably intentionally left the reader in the dark, but I think I would have preferred knowing which twin was narrating from the very beginning.
I'm not really liking the parts of the story where you use second person (referring to the reader as "you".) I think your story would be so much better if you stuck to first person or third person narrative. Second person is so hard to do and there are few situations where it really feels right. Whenever I read second person it reminds me of those campy old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books.
Overall, I like the story. :)
Author's Response: Thanks :)rnrnyeah, i'll think i'll ditch the 2nd person bit, i see what you mean, it's a bit weird and confusing. Any other ways to improve?rnrnx
Date: 04/10/08 12:49 pm Title: Chapter 1
More plzz!!!! I'm really curious to find out what Tom has written in his diaries & I hope he wakes up in the end.... he will right? (pretty plz XD)
Author's Response: XD We'll see :)
Date: 04/10/08 10:54 am Title: Prologue
Well it sounds really good but yes it is a little confusing wich just makes me want to read more. Cant wait till more is up.