Date: 04/04/08 12:44 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
I relly like this idea !! This was a great first chapter and I'm looking forward to see what's to come !:D
Author's Response: Hehe, next chapter shall be smutty *grin*
Date: 04/04/08 02:24 am Title: Creating My Reflection
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Two Bills. That's beyond perfect.
WOW.
Author's Response: Thank you
Date: 04/03/08 10:16 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
“Is it fucked up that I want to fuck myself now?” asked Tom.. 
Yes, but I sure as hell would not be complaining. 
Omg just the thought can give a chick a girl-boner. I didn't realize that this wasn't complete. I thought when I had clicked on it that it was a one-shot or whatever.
Not that I'm complaining. I am so totally stoked as to where this story is going.
Bet Tomi looks hot. Oh just the idea of Bill making out his self 
de~licious
Wonderful chapter. Can't wait to see how Tom will react once he is forced into some of his brother's clothes 
~Ria 
Author's Response: Hehe, yeah, I'm excited about seeing how he reacts too
Date: 04/03/08 08:38 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
My night in heavy make up. My damsel in fashion distress. Haha, I love you. That totally made my horrible day.
Though I can't totally agree with the whole "Tom looking like Bill" thing, at least now theres two ultra sex Bills walking around. But go ahead, I like the story anyway.
Update!!! I need one!
Author's Response: Should be up sometime tomorrow, if I get a fair amount done today
Date: 04/03/08 08:36 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
HOLY SCHEISSE!!! Soooo hot!!! I really LOVE the idea of Tom in Billsclothing. Yummy. And I'm dying to see what his hair would look like just long and blonde, not in dread form. Your description in thus is insane. I love it!! More please!!!
Author's Response: Working on it, should be up soon
Date: 04/03/08 08:33 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
I'm fascinated! Please, keep up the good work! ^.^
Author's Response: Working on it right now, I've got a disturbing number of ideas
Date: 04/03/08 06:44 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
I love this. The idea of them both going back to thier roots and looking alike was something I was kicking around for awhile. Its an amazing story, I cant wait of the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks, next chapter should be up soon
Date: 04/03/08 06:14 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
I’m going to do you nails, and your makeup, cover your tattoos and draw in mine with makeup...”
umm..was bill saying this..? that he's going to cover tom's tattoos..? cause you know that' not the case. either a little mistake, or maybe I just missed something? oh and it's a bit confusing, just a tad bit. maybe you could have included something from bill's diary entry?
anyway, other than that, I really like this.
I've never read anything like it..
I really would want to see this continued..
it's so interesting!
Author's Response: As to the first, with concealer. As for the diary entry I decided not to, so that it's more of a surprise...
Date: 04/03/08 05:58 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
With two male characters it's easy to get confused with pronouns. I noticed a few points where it was difficult to discern which his/him/he you were talking about. For example:
"His voice still sent shivers down his brother's spine".
"Bill's voice still sent shivers down his brother's spine" would have been more clear.
I enjoy your word choice. Your vocabulary is well developed and you generally avoid repetition. I find that very refreshing.
There is something awkward about the use of "said Tom" and "asked Bill". There's no hard and fast rule about the word order here. It's more of an issue of the tone and formality of your story. I think you would be better off reversing the order and going with "Tom said" and "Bill asked".
The dialogue itself is strong. It speaks for itself and carries emotion without needing to lean against elaborate speech tags. You balance dialogue and movement well.
There are just a few places where the dialogue seems a little too stiff for the characters. I can't her Tom saying "I do however, see your point". I can hear him saying "I get the point though." Remember to write Bill and Tom as who they are, teenage boys.
The concept is interesting, fresh, and well executed. All in all, I was pleasantly surprised by this story. I would love to see more from you.
Author's Response: Thank you, yeah in rereading I see myself slipping into over formal dialogue patterns now and then
Date: 04/03/08 05:35 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
ur going to continue this right???
its amazing!!!
cant imagine tom like that but its pretty cute and creative!
Author's Response: Of course I am, I'm working on the second chapter right now... it's about to get smutty
Date: 04/03/08 05:27 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
Whoa, Tom looking like Bill! That's amazing xD.
Please continue! This idea is just too cool.
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm working on it. As for the idea, they are identical twins after all... but no one seems to play up that fact in fic, brothers sure, but the looking alike aspect interested me... especially since I agree with Bill that it is a crime to cover up a body like tom's *giggle*
Date: 04/03/08 04:50 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
You don't suck. This is funny.
Author's Response: Thank you
Date: 04/03/08 04:36 pm Title: Creating My Reflection
I really liked it! I must admit to wondering what Tom looks like under those baggy clothes... Lmao at the 'rapping nun' comment^^ That was a mean place to end it though... Lol. Can't wait for more ^_^
I did notice one little typo that you might want to correct...
it’s a crime that your dress like that around me
Author's Response: That is a typo I probably should correct... hehe, and thanks working on it right now actually ^_^