Date: 01/14/11 11:17 pm Title: Chapter 8
Ok...so why did this jump a year ahead? What happened in that time? Why did Bill not go to school for a year? Why did Simone allow this to happen? Was Bill home schooled or did he go to another school? Why did Becca do a 180 and diss the only friends she had for Tom?
You have a good story here but you are moving too fast and leaving too many questions unanswered. It's frustrating me a bit because the more I read, the more questions come up. You also need a beta reader as you have many misspelled words and some improper word usage.
Please don't be offended by my observations. If I noticed it, other people have too. We offer advice only to help each grow as authors. Any advice given should be taken in the spirit of sharing and helping each other. All of our sisters and brothers on here only want to help you make this story better and allow you to successfully weave the tale your muse has given you. A beta reader would benefit you greatly in that you have a second pair of eyes to catch any mistakes and another mind to help better your story. I would volunteer to help you but I am the beta for 5 other people right now and they keep me very busy. Check out the list of available beta readers by clicking the beta readers link at the top right hand corner of this site. A beta is a very valuable tool in your writing arsenal.
Good luck. I'm looking forward to your next chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you for the comments, I understand about the spelling mistakes and improper word usage I did wright it at like 2 this morning so that probably why. I intend to answer the questions that you and other have in my next chapters though. But thank you again for the comment rn
Date: 01/14/11 10:53 pm Title: Chapter 6
OK...someone was murdered. Why didn't the police show up? Why isn't Jay in jail??
Author's Response: Those questions will be answered in the next few chapters. Thank you for the review :)
Date: 01/18/10 03:34 pm Title: Chapter 7
update damn you, I came on here to read your updates and I'm hooked D: x
Date: 01/03/09 11:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
love the name millie :]
Date: 08/25/08 07:38 pm Title: Chapter 5
this is depressing so far but good also
Author's Response: thanks for the comment [=
Date: 08/10/08 05:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
You Should Continute Its Good(:
Author's Response: thanks for the review :D
Date: 08/10/08 05:18 pm Title: Chapter 4
Oh my god this is a really good story I can't wait for the next one I really want to find out what is going to happen to Millie.
Author's Response: thanks for the review rnrnyeh i have big planns for Millie :D
Date: 04/02/08 07:55 pm Title: Chapter 1
Aw, I like it a lot! xD
Please update soon! xD
Author's Response: i will try when i get a chance thanx for the comment :)
Date: 04/02/08 05:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
This isn't finnished is it? I says so but it doesn't look like it.
Author's Response: no it aint yet. thanx for your comment :D