Hmmm. I decided to give this odd little story a try. It's ephemeral to be sure, and that's the main appeal I would say, but it's a little too disjointed IMO. Ideas should flow in and out of each other, not skip erratically. I mean to say that some skipping feels wrong while other places it feels right. I would also review some of your grammar choices- many areas feel like mistakes. On the whole, this was interesting- it pulled me in to a dreamy world. The fact that I don't know what Bill is talking about most of the time is ok- it's more about the mood and images he recalls, and that's enough to tell the story of their love. Super creative. There are some particular moments which are really powerful and impressive. And there are also times where the fic is beautifully poetic. Good start. Needs work, but very cool concept. :) .... Just to make sure I understood this correctly- Bill commits suicide and Tom kisses him in the end, right?