The idea is very cute, and I think this could have made a great story, but you could try to make it a bit longer and slip in some more details in it :)

Also I think you should take a look at the Writing Guides you can find under "Main Menu" to the right of this page, no one is perfect but those can actually help you a lot to make the story flow better :)

Keep writing though! Practice makes perfect and like I said, the idea was really cute and I like your characters, they were sweet and brotherly ^^

Author's Response: Thanks for the tips Ill look into it next time :)and I'm glad you thought it was cute.