Date: 07/11/13 08:27 pm Title: Stop..
It almost sound like an intro to a longer story actually :P Ever thought of maybe continue? Like, keep this as the first chapter and then maybe write about how it started to change or the coming back or something in more detail? More chapters, happenings etc? I liked the way it was written, you could feel Bill's pain and the feeling of betrayal when his brother stopped being that person that protected him. I liked it and I encourage you in keep writing! I think you can do very, very good if you keep on trying :) practice makes perfect, as they say!
Date: 07/08/13 06:57 pm Title: Stop..
Well, first of all I like that you had courage to write about a though topic. Also, Tom as Bill's protector is always nice start. However, I noticed that there were few chapters written couple of times. You had lot of things and long story behind this (good!) so it's a shame that you ended up writing it all so quickly? I assume that you haven't written lot of fanfiction before? I encourage you to continue, but perhaps pay also attention to going more to details, background stories, character development. I'm sure it'll be good in no time. :)
Author's Response: Your totally right! I was posting and then half of it got deleted and then I copied the half that was still there onto the bottom and it messed up so I redid everything in like a few minutes. The original that was FAR more better got deleted because of my clumsiness. I have no beta either and I need one, I really enjoy writing but it's hard when your really bad at it.
Date: 07/07/13 05:51 am Title: Stop..
It's must be a fault of my bad english, I meant that story is very good and and not disturbing at all, just reading story written in first person is problematic. Story wasn't "nice" but very intersting.
Date: 07/06/13 07:38 pm Title: Stop..
So pity it's written in first person. It's too disturbing to read, even if story seems to be very interesting :/
Author's Response: That's why there's warnings, I'm sorry you didn't look at them or the title. You should have figured out it was disturbing.