Date: 11/27/12 09:40 pm Title: Homesickness
I would love to read more about just tom...i really think Bill should give life their a serious try...
Date: 11/26/12 09:00 pm Title: A Phone Call
*loves*
Their relationship is totally believable. You have nothing to worry about there.
Well...at least he made sure it was a time no one would see him, and left no pprints and gave them no info. I just still have a bad feeling that hes going to be found regardless.
Fantastic chapter. I can't wait to see more!
Author's Response:
I am glad it worked. I don't generally chat with my friends we just text when we're not around each other but I always write phone calls as quirky and fun if you haven't noticed yet. I wanted to show that while Bill needs his friends he was still thinking about the danger it posed not only to him but to them as well. We shall see what happens. Thanks for the review.
Date: 11/26/12 08:39 pm Title: A Phone Call
Ok ok I'm turning over a new leaf and being a lover not a lurker: I love this story. It's unique, well-written, and so far all of the characters are believable. I like how Bill isn't a diva, Tom's not an asshole, and Bill's friends are sweet. All of the emotions that Bill has been feeling are understandable and what you would expect. I'm looking forward to reading what will happen next and am so curious about Bill's past!
Update soon :)
Author's Response:
I am glad you decided to review. I am glad my writing is so good to you. I have always written this way. I wanted to write Bill and Tom in ways that they aren't usually portrayed. I wanted to show that's Bill's friends were as quirky as he was. I wanted to show the confusing mix of emotions Bill would be feeling after witnessing something so horrific and having to leave behind everything he had known for his whole life. Bill's past is still a mystery to me to so we're both curious. Thanks for the review.
Date: 11/26/12 03:49 pm Title: A Phone Call
this was a good chapter!
i cant wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
I am glad you liked it.
Date: 11/21/12 12:39 pm Title: Homesickness
Nice suprise to have two chapters when I come to look:)
I think there is quite lot behind Bills OCD and I believe some of it isn't pretty:/ And what have happened that he have tried to kill himself? I got that kind of feeling in that sentence: "Being alone in his own mind was a scary thing for Bill. He had been there in high school and it had nearly cost him his life."
I hope to see more of Tom and I would like to know what he thinks about Bill and do he likes him. And I believe Bill needs to sosialize more with the other people or he gets "weird" tag.
I think in this chapter it started to come to Bill that something have really happened and he just can't erase it easily and go back to his old life. Maybe the schok starts to wear down and that's why he was little "out of it".
I stay here to wait moreb29;
Author's Response:
I am glad you like my updates. I try to be timely about them. Bill definitely has some of his own demons to deal with. We will see more of Tom in the future. We shall also see peaks into Bill's past. Bill will definitely undergo change in this story. We shall see in future chapters what is going on with him. Thanks for the read and review.
Date: 11/20/12 07:46 pm Title: Homesickness
nice chapter!
i cant wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
I am glad you like it. See you soon.
Date: 11/19/12 11:41 pm Title: Homesickness
Omg whe I was first reading Lucy I totally was picturing the owner from Coyote Ugly! And don't think I missed that Tom's line at earlier this chapter was snatched from the movie either. Lol, I guess you did do a good job portraying her then huh? God Coyote Ugly, I used to love that movie, haven't seen it in a long time though...
Bill's OCD came through much better in this chapter. And, I understand what you were trying to do with showing us when he's more comfortable, its less pronounced, but you tried a little too soon imo, 2nd chapter we've still only just met the character, and they haven't really developed enough for us to realize things like that, know what I mean? But that definitely came through here. And I really appreciate that. And I would looove to know more about why he's OCD.
Umm, yes. I do think i'd like to see a bit of Tom without Bill's presence.
Fantastic chapter. I almost felt the stickyness myself. Keep up the amazing work.
Author's Response:
I am glad she came across that way. I was hoping someone would recognize where Tom's line came from. I might add a, "HELL NO H20!!!" scene later but I not sure right now. I kind of figured that it was too soon but I thought I would try. I will start toning it down more subtly as we go along. I am sure Bill will tell us all about his past soon, he is terrible at keeping secrets. I want to do a scene where Tom is thinking about Bill or maybe having a conversation with someone like Lucy about him. I am glad you liked it and that you could almost feel what Bill was feeling.
Date: 11/19/12 11:33 pm Title: Homesickness
I liked the details of Bill's germophobe experience working at the bar, seeing that things bothered him but he did minimal things to protect himself while still working. I wouldn't mind hearing more background of Bill's problem, maybe at some point he'll confide in Tom?
I can see that Tom is watchful of the new guy, to notice his OCDness. Tom seems nice and friendly. I'm sure it is weird for Bill to go from a city where everyone basically ignores each other, to being in a small town where everyone is up in everyone's business.
Author's Response:
I wanted to show that while neurotic Bill is still reasonable and realizes he can't avoid every germ forever. I am sure Bill will tell his OCD story eventually, he can't keep secrets. I wanted to show that Tom noticed people and cared even when he doesn't know a person. I am sure Bill was adapt he is very adaptable after all.
Date: 11/19/12 12:08 pm Title: Homesickness
I love it!!! Bill's troubled mind is so sad but you write it just perfect so intense feelings!!! and poor Tom TuT with that cold Bill :'D!!!i would love to know what is he feeling when he is seeing Bill like that *---* cant wait for more in the next chapter thank you so much!!!!
Author's Response:
I am glad you like it. I wanted to show that Bill was troubled and stubborn like we all know. I also wanted to show that Tom was not going to push him and that made him the sweet understanding boy next door which is perfect. I will be updating soon.
Date: 11/19/12 09:35 am Title: Homesickness
I can tell I'm going to like this :D
Author's Response:
I am glad you feel that way.
Date: 11/19/12 08:54 am Title: Homesickness
i don't understand why Bill doesn't want to make friends there and like Lucy said his acting kinda odd...well, i' waiting for next :)
Author's Response:
He just wants to go home to NYC so he doesn't want to get attached to anyone or anything. I know exactly how that works as I have been moved more times then I care to count. Putting down roots and meeting new people is hard when you are craving a different place. I am glad you like it.
Date: 11/19/12 03:51 am Title: Homesickness
really like everything so far! :) the OCD thing is going pretty well, had a friend who was a bacteriaphobe and he acted pretty much the same, having a bottle of antibac in every jacket, bag and jean pocet (not to mention his nightstand, the kitchen, the bathroom and the laundryroom)
only thing that bugs me is that bill doesn't seem to shaken up by seeing someone murdered.. it's only human to have nightmares and such..
but yeah, looking forward to reading more! :D
Author's Response:
OCD symptoms are a a way for the person to disassociate from stressful situations. I think that Bill is being extra neurotic because he is stressed and in denial. Eventually it will all catch up to him and then he will be a wreck. I am glad you like it and that the OCD is at least believable.
Date: 11/18/12 04:34 pm Title: New Job
I like Bill's OCD. Shouldn't he have antibacterial wipes at work or does it not bother him that much? Guess he doesn't mind getting changed into clothes he hasn't washed himself.
I was amused at Bill's dislike of his new flannel shirt.
Author's Response:
His OCD has gaps but so does mine and I am not nearly as neurotic as my Billi in this story. I am not sure I have a few ideas of where to take it but nothing really seems to fit yet. I thought people would get a kick out of the flannel shirt bit. Thanks for the read and review.
Date: 11/18/12 04:23 pm Title: The Move
I liked the insight into Bill that he didn't like County music; I liked seeing a little more of his interests outside of the general things the Sheriff wanted to know.
And I'm sure Bill will look good in rags, even if they aren't stylish. He has a soft, pretty face under the war make-up I bet.
Author's Response:
I just thought I should show how really not his style all of this is starting with the music and the clothes. I myself like country music but I am very eccentric in my music tastes. Bill could pull anything off and I have seen Bill without make-up he is truly a gorgeous creature.
Date: 11/15/12 07:13 pm Title: New Job
So far so good. Looking forward to more.
Author's Response:
I am glad you like it. Thanks for the read and review.
Date: 11/13/12 10:09 pm Title: New Job
Well, it seems like he's pretty well set up for witness protection, not that I know much about it, but I would think they'd have them set up fairly minimally and any 'extras' like cable they'd have to work and pay for themselves. And the house seems awful big for just him, I would think they would've chosen a smaller locale for a single man, obviously they have multiple places all over the country set up.
Lucy is...quite a character. I can totally see some bar owners handling 'applications' like that, especially when it comes to their significant others requests.
I'm loving Tom so far. I'm a bit surprised Bill didn't throw something out about the dreads on a small town boy, but I'm sure we'll get around to it. I'm kind of hoping we find out he's one of Bill's neighbors, preferably the one with the goats. I dunno why...I just really want to see Tom owning goats.
Bill's OCD came across really strong in the first chapter, but pretty weak in this one in my opinion.you could've mentioned him wiping down the pool cues, or using something to carry them. Something. I dunno.
Are there many normal bars that have a locker room? That seemed a little odd to me.
Overall I really enjoyed these two chapters and am really looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Author's Response:
I think that is probably how it really works and as the story progresses I am going to make Bill more and more self-sufficient but for now I want to show that the government is trying their hardest to keep Bill from being too mopey. I really wanted to put him in Wyoming since that is my home and there aren't many small places in Wyoming. We all pretty much have houses. Those who live in the city, actually there are no cities in Wyoming, those of us who live in towns have decent sized yards and those who live out in the country, there is quiet a lot of it here and it's all fairly cheap, have massive yard enough to raise livestock on. I wanted to put Bill in one of those to make it a polar opposite of his life in the city.
rnLucy is fun to write she is different for me though so I am not sure how to completely handle her yet. I want her to seem like kind of a hard-ass to show why she handles one of the rougher bars in town but I also want to show her more caring side. If you have ever seen Coyote Ugly the bartender lady is kind of what I am going for here. If you haven't seen it you should look it up, it's a good movie. I wouldn't call the sheriff her significant other but that will be touched on in the story soooo.... yeah.
rnI like writing Tom too. He is cocky and sweet while still maintaining that lovely confidence that I so adore. There are a couple of guys in town that have dreads. They aren't actually uncommon around here. Although most of them aren't salon products they are made simply because hitch-hikers don't wash or brush their hair as often as they should. I'll still probably have Bill think about even if he never gets around to mentioning it. That would be kind of funny for Tom to own goats mostly because I think Bill's OCD would really go crazy over that.
rnIt did come across really strong in the first chapter and in this one I kind of wanted to show that when he is more comfortable around people and places that it sort of goes away. I have borderline OCD about things so I kind of know how it works and when I am more comfortable around people and places it goes almost completely away.
rnMy mom worked in a couple of bars and they always had a locker room and a employee lounge. The employee lounge so they could take union breaks and the locker room so they could change into their uniforms. I also have big plans for something happening in that locker room so shhh... ;)
rnI am glad you liked it and I will be posting soon. Thanks for the read and review.
Date: 11/13/12 04:06 pm Title: New Job
I like it! It does seem realistic to me and I like the job that Bill has, since its kinda similar to mine (I'm a server in a Casino) Looking forward to more!
Author's Response:
I am glad you like and it seems real. I always try to make my stories as close to reality as possible although with this one I am breaking some of those rules since Cheyenne is not nearly as small as I make it seem. I am glad the job Bill has makes you happy. I can just imagine him as a server at the Crown Bar, which is a real place by the way, it's a classy cowboy bar and I think Bill would be perfect if he toned down his look. I am glad you like it. Thanks for the read and review.
Date: 11/12/12 11:43 pm Title: New Job
she's an interesting person...i like both bill and tom so far...everything seems legit so far...i;ll be waiting patiently for the next chapter...
Author's Response:
Lucy is definitely a character. I think I will be describing her more in detail soon so we can all get a clear picture in our heads of what she looks like. I am glad everything seems legit. Thanks for reviewing.
Date: 11/12/12 11:23 pm Title: The Move
poor bill...it must've been horrible to witness something like that...but witness protection seems to have it's perks...i like it so far and will keep reading...
Author's Response:
I can hardly imagine what it would be like to witness someone getting murdered. I have probably exgerrated witness protection in many ways but I've never been involved in the program so I have no clue if it's true or not. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for the read and review.
Date: 11/12/12 06:58 pm Title: The Move
i like it :)it doesn't looks so bad for Bill to live life he has now and as to Tom maybe they would be friends :)
Author's Response:
We shall see how well Bill adapts to his small town life. I tell you though it is not easy moving from one place to another even without the culture shock so expect so major drama. Thanks for the read and review.