Dear mizu,

I devoured your two stories, Karmic Lessons and Karmic Embrace, and sat down to read every free minute.
You have completely captivated me with your writing style, although I was skeptical at first when I read the summary, if this "Mafia thing" is something for me.

But you captured me immediately and I wanted to read without any breaks, which unfortunately does not really work in everyday stress.

Thank you for the two great stories. Since I can read English stories quite well thanks to my Kindl, but unfortunately I am not very good at writing,
Since I only learned English at school and this time has been a while since, I'll be brief and let Google help me translate it and hope it does not sound too horrible.

Angeleyes

Author's Response: So sorry for the delay in answering your review, Angeleyes! I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed these mafia stories. It was definitely a world that pulled me in, for a long time, and it's always wonderful to hear that other people fell into the story world with me. Your google translate worked just fine, and it's fun to know that my little stories are helping with your English. Haven't come up with a new idea yet, but when I start writing again, which will hopefully be soon, I hope to see you there!

I know this is a really old fic and that maybe you'll never even read my review, but if I've been hanging around on this website for over 10 years now, then maybe you'd be too.

Anyway, I really, really, REALLY enjoyed reading this. For 3 days I could do nothing but read, basically. You managed to catch my breath, to make my heart beat faster, to make me boil with anger. That's a sign of well-made characters, and that's what your story truly is full of. I'm not gonna go and tell about all the individual things I loved about this 'cause I'd still be here tomorrow if I did, so I'm just saying I loved almost everything, and the rest of it still made feel something other than love, so that was awesome. What I most loved was how everything tied together really well, how you dropped little hints early on and then later the big hits would follow. Everything made sense in the end. Also Bu leaving, because in past lives he left Bill as well, so makes sense.

I do have couple of things to say, tho. This was clearly written more like a soap opera tv-show rather than having a one major plot line to follow. By purpose, or accidentally, doesn't matter. I enjoyed it. However I have to explain to you why the oh neither Andrej nor Poppi died -thing wasn't cool. Ok, the Poppi dies was all fine because it had to do with the war so it was good, but Andrej was not cool. Why? Because everything in a story has to bring something to it. If you can get from A to B without this thing, it's useless to the story and readers will notice and wonder, what was the point? Indeed, Andrej's almost-death was pointless, though what happened after wasn't. So I dunno, you could've dragged him to his daddy in many other ways. This just didn't work.

The worst issue though was inconsistency. When writing, there's two ways to tell something to a reader; either writing it down as words, or showing it through action. What you were doing here and there through the whole story, was that you'd write down about how nothing is more important to Bill and Tom than themselves, but then what you showed in their actions often told other things. This really drove me mad 'cause it makes everything seem fake. That's why I hated Andrej, because in Tom's actions he often actually seemed to care about Andrej more, but then you'd write down in words how he loves Bill more than anything. Get what I mean? What you said and did often didn't match. So that was your biggest flaw in this fic.

Ok, hope you didn't get offended. Just explaining this in case you're still in the writing business and want to get better. Well. Whether you'll ever read this or not, thank you anyway. I cannot imagine myself writing such a big piece in one go. Applause.

Author's Response: Hello, Cynthie! I'm still here. Funny thing is, because I haven't come up with another story to write since Cards, I'm re-reading my old ones to see what I think about them, and I'm on this one right now, about 2 chapters from being finished. (I read Delusions right before, and you think THIS one has problems? Ugh, I'm almost embarrassed enough by Delusions to take it down, but decided I'd try rewriting instead. And my first two? DEFINITELY need rewrites. And the VAMPIRE story??!! What was I thinking??!!). Anyway... The "soap opera" style...It's really my personal favorite, because I want to dive into a world and stay there for a while, getting to learn a full range and depth of it. I like to explore. Stories with a singular plot, with a START, MIDDLE, END, dumping you out on the street, alone and cold, just make me feel a little frustrated. Plus, this long, rambling style that takes forever to end is just how I tend to write - I come up with a tiny flicker of an idea, then just start typing. It goes on and on because I don't know where it's taking me, I love being in that world and staying there, and then meanders around for a while (a long while, apparently - I didn't realize I worked on Karmic Lessons for over a year!), and then the end kind of jumps out at me. So, in other words, I'm a lazy writer who doesn't make much of an outline, doesn't write a rough draft, doesn't edit, or rewrite, or fuss too much about what's going to happen. I just get into the imaginary world and kind of describe what I see there. Lazy. But it's how I like to write, and the thought of doing tight, novel-like plot lines with lots of rewrites doesn't appeal to me, which is why I haven't tried my had and writing anything publishable. rnrnThe things about KL I don't like myself are the smaller mistakes, like the fact that Bill had never been spanked by Dave, but when Bu asked him about that, I had forgotten that. And there's way too many long, drawn-out sex scenes, many of which get far too emotional for me as a reader (although as the writer, I obviously had no problem with them). I wasn't too crazy about the character of Andrej, but I'll defend him by saying that TOM was in love with him, and the characters themselves need their own kind of independence, which gives them a greater realism than if I forced them in other directions. rnrnAs for the "almost deaths?" I hate MCD! I wrestled with these two plot lines while writing, imagining different outcomes. Andrej needed to be out of the way, so I sent him to South America. I'd actually been planning a trip to Peru or Chile about that time, and I'm familiar with the earth quakes that happen throughout the continent, so I decided...why not? It's actually a realistic possibility, it kept Andrej out of the way, and added a little more drama llama. When I was pondering about killing him off, though, I knew it would wreck my Tom character. He'd be inconsolably depressed, and I didn't want the story to revolve around that from thereon out. Plus, I hate MCD! And Poppi... I just wasn't ready to get rid of him yet. I really like his character. I decided to go with a couple of serious "bumps in the road" kinds of plots, without derailing the story altogether. If the Andrej-in-an-earthquake seemed rather pointless, I apologize. With the way I write, things kind of unfold in unexpected ways, and sometimes side-plots clunk down a little awkwardly. If I was going to rewrite this, I might take this out, but at the same time, I rather like it myself - because it came to life for me, and I could visualize being there, watching Andrej in a Buenos Aires devastated by earthquake. Taking care of his father, struggling with being alone, and separated from Tom. And I'd also debated for a long time of either killing him off here or taking him out of the picture some other way, so I ended up staying in that scene, probably for too long. Honestly, as I said, I wasn't terribly fond of Andrej's character myself, and as I'm rereading the story, I can see where I tried to make him more likable or interesting, and it didn't work so well. THAT'S what I'd fix if I went back - I'd use more subtlety with him and let him develop more naturally. But I just couldn't kill him off. Maybe I could have had his father demand he stay with him for some other reason, but that wouldn't make a lot of sense to me. Anyway, I apologize for the awkwardness of that meandering off-shoot of the story, but those are my reasons for it.rnrnAs for the inconsistency in Bill and Tom's emotions for each other and other people? I don't see that as inconsistent at all. Just because they are the most important people to one another (which would be fairly natural for twins in general, even more so in an incestuous relationship between twins who are also in a very intense world), doesn't mean they can't deeply love other people. Tom would need Bill at a molecular level - nothing would or could ever separate them. But their connection is matter-of-fact, something that's innate in both of them. However, this does not preclude them from falling deeply in love with others, or even needing to be with someone else in a different style of relationship. Tom and Bill aren't romantically in love with one another. They are family, they are twins, and they're the kind of twins who would need to live side-by-side their entire lives. This isn't that unusual. They also have emotional needs that they cannot fulfill for one another. They're both insanely romantic at heart, and they want and NEED romantic partners. It's a different part of the brain that can connect to another person but is pretty much a dead zone to each other. That part of Tom's brain, for instance, is LIT UP LIKE CRAZY for Andrej, but completely ignores Bill. People can deeply, deeply, DEEPLY love more than one person. Bill and Tom are twins - that's their strongest connection. Nothing can replace that. But it doesn't mean they wouldn't fall head over heels for other people. Doesn't mean Tom wouldn't love his children, Andrej, his parents, or anyone else. But Bill is part of his soul in a way that no one else can match, he's a necessary part of his existence. Doesn't mean he isn't madly in love with Andrej, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't need him in his life, too. Does he care for Andrej more? Not necessarily. He's a dramatically in-love teenager, so it might seem like it. His feelings for Andrej are romantic in nature, and romantic emotions are always pretty dramatic. Sometimes (often, if you ask me) to an annoying level. But Bill - he's part of Tom's very molecules. They couldn't live without each other because they're tied together almost like Siamese twins who can't be separated. Love is not one-dimensional, it's complex and multi-layered. I don't think that I showed any discrepancies in how Bill and Tom felt about each other - their connection goes beyond mere loyalty or emotions - it would exist for eternity. Doesn't mean they wouldn't or couldn't deeply love others. rnrnI hope that clears some of that up, even if you still disagree. rnrnI'm glad you had such a good time reading and analyzing this story! Reading your review was a lot of fun, definitely made me think. I agree with you on the Andrej almost-death plot, really, but I think if I changed it, I'd only make subtle differences, smooth it out some. It feels like, once the world is created, it's practically set in stone, which is why I'm having trouble rewriting Delusions (so frustrating!). I really appreciate that you took the time to give me some well thought out, constructive criticism. Part of my biggest problem is not having an in-depth outline! I think Miami Heat was the only story I wrote one for, and even that was only maybe 2 pages long. I tried to have one for Cards, but once I got into THAT world, I ended up wandering around for way too long. I'm working on a couple of ideas for new stories, and thanks to your review, I'll definitely start off with a fleshed out sketch of where I need to go. Can't promise I'll stick to it, though - I'm easily distracted by shiny (imaginary) things! rnrnThanks again for taking the time to write!

This was so freaking awesome! I don't have words. Which is sad, since I enjoyed yours so very much. Thank you for all the time you put into your writing! On to the sequel :)

Author's Response: So happy to know you're reading the Karmic stories, which I really got into and still kind of miss! Hope you're enjoying the sequel :)

I've been reading this story religiously for the past week. Finally finished it today. I have many feels; I don't know how I feel over all. For all the fiction in this story it has a realistic ending. It feels like endings in real life, not necessarily always bad, but just an ending. Content that it happened, sad that it ended. aaaaannd I'm rambling.
Anway, your story was amazing! Very creative and original and lovely! I feel sad, and happy and a bit empty now that I finished it. It was a journey, and I'm kinda upset it took me this long to read it!

Author's Response: Hi, stealkix! I'm so happy to know you read and enjoyed the first part to this mammoth story. You might be happy to hear that part II, Karmic Embrace, is already 24 chapters long. Thank you for mentioning that the story seemed realistic - life isn't all rainbows and unicorns, and fiction needs to reflect that, I think, to really draw readers into the little world. Writing the difficult scenes, like the ending of this one, can be a bit painful, but it's got to be true to the characters and the story. Hope to see you in Karmic Embrace, and again, thanks for reviewing!!

I really don't like that andrej be in this relationship with tom. but the other sides of the story are very interesting. And this is how I practice my english, at least reading ... =)

Author's Response: A lot of people didn't really like Andrej in this story! I know he's not very spicy, but I still find him kind of endearing. I'm glad you like the rest, and that this is helping with your English! Sorry I didn't answer before, I somehow missed this review!

This is absolutely one of the best stories I've ever read! (Trust me I've read a lot of stories) you are truly talented! Thank you for sharing this with us!

Author's Response: Woahhhhh! Thank you! I'm just thrilled to death to have provided you that much entertainment (trust me, I know the feeling of finding a great story). Thank you so much for letting me know!

Possible spoiler alert for anyone reading this who hasn't read the whole story? Aww, I forgot how much I loved Raf and his relentless dread-squishing. And Bu being so possessive...*sob* okay okay, loved it. Ah to what might have been, Tom, Raf, Andrej, Miranda, Ani...anyway. I need to stahp. Uh, Sex. Yes. Capital S Sex. :'(

Author's Response: I miss Raf's dread-squishing! You're re-reading this? That is an awesome undertaking! I am sooo flattered to know it's worth a second go-around. There is Sex (with a capital S) in the sequel!

It’s taking me a while to review, but aside from a crazy week, I had to really let it sink in that the journey-for this portion of their lives is complete. So happy that you are doing a sequel because I don’t know how I felt about the ending. It didn’t seem like the ending was natural if that makes sense, it seemed to be more like “I need to end this part so here goes”. The content was all there, but I don’t know how I felt about the flow of it, if that makes sense. (I’ve said that too many times now) It wasn’t bad at all, it just seemed a little…..forced. Let me back up for a moment to the beginning of this chapter. I wasn’t surprised that Bu left, like I said before, he’s not built for that foolishness (and this is from a Billshido fan first). (Although, somehow, some way, I hope he makes a return in the sequel and not in a dream sequence) What I really took away from this story up to this point is that Bill is the stronger of the two twins emotionally because even in his NOT dealing, depression, etc., He IS actually dealing with it. Just to compare the two- Tom was ready to off himself when he thought Andrej might be dead in that earthquake, and Bill had to talk him out of that. Bill has to protect Tom all the time by making sure Andrej is okay. It was Bill’s idea that he takes the twins some mornings so Tom can “take care” of Andrej. On the other hand, when Bill loses Bu, he becomes introverted and depressed, but slowly but surely we know he will come out of it. I hope more positivity comes Bill’s way in the future, but I’m not necessarily too worried about Bill, I think he can handle it, he’s resilient. I can’t believe it’s been over a year since you decided to gift us readers with this dynamic story full of wonderfully complex characters. I can never say it too may times, thank you, thank you, thank you, for posting your stories. Nearly half a million words, are you kidding me? You truly are a writing beast and I love you for it. :) On to the Sequel—I can’t wait!!!

Author's Response: I know it seemed a bit abrupt, but that was the whole plan - to bring it up to exactly that point and - END. And not on a terribly happy note (especially for us Billshido lovers! Argh! I like bringing them together in a huge sappy romance, so this was not easy!). I always love your reviews. You pick everything apart and analyze each piece, which makes me try to work harder to make sure that what I'm writing is worthwhile. You're right that Tom falls apart where Andrej is concerned, but Bill tends to be pretty dramatic whenever a relationship ends, too. And both of them stayed committed to one another, even though Tom lost Andrej over it for a while, and Bill lost Bu (forever? We'll see!). But they both know what's most important, even during times when they're absolutely wrecked. Getting to work on chapter one of the sequel now. Eight pages in, so hopefully I'll have it out there in a few days! Although, it feels like a rough start, a bit awkward with the time jump and finding my footing with where everyone's at now. But I'm excited about it! Thank you so much for all your fabulous and helpful reviews during this epic drama. See you soon!

I loved your story! It was very well written. You are a very talented writer. One question...will Bu be in he sequel?

Author's Response: Konichiwa, YaoiLuvi! Thank you for your nice review! One answer: MMMMaybe.

Great story! I think the end makes perfect sense. It's a bit unfair that Tom has "understanding" Andrej and Bill does not have a partner, but the way I see it, as long as Tom and Bill are together, they'll be well.

I'll be very interested in reading the sequel or any other story you'll write.

Author's Response: I know it's not exactly fair, but Andrej and Bu react completely different to the whole twincest thing. They do have each other, though, and that's more important to them. I'm glad you liked the story, hope you like the sequel as well!