Date: 08/23/12 05:37 am Title: See as I See
I love this story so much! It's so innocent, yet dangerous! Please update more soon! :D
Author's Response: I'll do my best! Thank you.
Date: 08/23/12 03:56 am Title: See as I See
I always say wow at every chapter, but wow! I knew Bill had killed Georg but I didn't expect he'd have killed him for Tom! It's strange. Like Bill has a weird connection to Tom, seeing as he already did that for him and they barely know each other. Tom must be special in some way...Maybe I'm wrong.
I uploaded my fic I told you about. It's called Unendlichkeit. Maybe you'd like to read it c:
Author's Response: Maybe Bill is as lonely as desperate as Tom. :c
Okay. C:
Date: 08/23/12 01:39 am Title: See as I See
Bill is quite scary but at the same time I can't be totally frightened of him. He's so pretty and so far kind to Tom. Tom is so alone but now he had Bill for however long that could be.
Author's Response: I think Bill just does what he has to. C:
Date: 08/23/12 12:02 am Title: See as I See
i f love it OMGGG all the feelings i will be waiting for more aslkdmaskdaslkda *u*
the wings thing is in the book?? i dont remember that in the movie gosh xD maybe i really need to see it again!!!! hahah
really awesome chapter i love it!!!thank you so much for share!!!
Author's Response: There is one single mention of flying in the book/movie but no actual explanation. I just decided to add it for my own little extra. :)
Date: 08/22/12 11:43 pm Title: The Beginning of the End
well you desurve it hun ^^, i might end up having a 3 way tie for fave authers if all your storys are as good as these first two ^^
Author's Response: Thanks so much C:
Date: 08/22/12 11:39 pm Title: Inside the Apartment
Oops I'm a stupid and the review did in fact cut off! Here's the full one:
--
Ahh I read this chapter before work but didn't have time to review, and then I come home and there's a new chapter up! Lovely.
Bill and Tom are so sweet together, and Bill continues to be incredibly intriguing. There are a lot of interesting paths you could take from here and I'm eager to see which you choose! And I like all of the subtle macabre, it's a very unsettling contrast against the fluff (in the best way possible, of course). Tom's casual thoughts about murder, his joy at Georg's death, the comfort he finds from Bill's horribly depressing apartment, etc. Speaking of which, I wonder if we will ever find out what the burned rubber smell comes from? I'm curious.
Also, now that the story is starting to take shape, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind some concrit! This is just an observation I've made about fics with short chapters (less than 3,000 words) in general. Something about the format usually creates a sort of claustrophobic feel, probably because you start a chapter intending to accomplish one general goal, and if you take only ~2,000 words to accomplish that goal, there's not much room for anything else to happen. After a while, it gets repetitive because the setting doesn't change much (Tom's house, the courtyard, Bill's house) and the same two characters are almost always interacting (Bill and Tom).
Adding in some filler content, even if it doesn't seem as interesting to you, helps flesh out chapters so there is some suspense and also helps to give your characters more dimension. For example, in this chapter, you glossed over the events between Tom's finding Bill's note and meeting him later at night. In that space though Tom obviously did some things, even if it was just clean the house and brood. You could use the opportunity to explore his feelings about Bill some more, or delve deeper into his past, or create more friction between him and other characters. While Tom does interact with characters other than Bill, so far each instance has been very brief. And while this story does revolve around Tom getting to know Bill, you also kinda have to find a way to make it not revolve around Tom getting to know Bill, if that makes sense at all. Plus, if you're going to have the plot complicate later on, small filler scenes are great for planting clues!
As a last word of advice, subplots are your friend! Having a minor plot or two unrelated to Bill (though he might become involved in them later) which build Tom's character is a great way to change things up and keep your readers always guessing.
Okay that's it! I hope that made sense and is helpful. ♥
Author's Response: Thanks you.
Date: 08/22/12 11:36 pm Title: See as I See
Hmm...*chinstroke*. I wasn't expecting Tom to learn this much so fast. I'm not really sure what might be coming next. I guess there was just something a bit anticlimactic about the reveal? But then, I'm a fan of drama. I guess I would have liked it if Tom had figured it out himself, or came upon Bill killing someone.
I also feel like this chapter might have been somewhat rushed? It didn't seem to have as much emotion as the last few. On a positive note, though, I enjoyed the beginning with all of Bill's terrifying possessions and Tom going to school. I stiiiill think there could have been more build up before the reveal but I'm assuming you chose to have Tom find out so quickly because you still have much in store. That, or the fic is ending sooner than I expected, in which case I'd be very sad.
Sorry for all the negative commentary. ._.;;; I still have my faith in you, though, very much! I patiently await the next part :)
Author's Response: Thank you. :)
Date: 08/22/12 11:34 pm Title: Inside the Apartment
oh so beautiful and cute i just love Bill and Tom here TuT so amazing!!! thank you so much for share!!!
Author's Response: C;
Date: 08/22/12 11:30 pm Title: The Beginning of the End
this 1 is definitely going to be 1 of my re read ones :-) and my re read list is not a lot and that means it's a very very good story :-)
Author's Response: D'oh! Thank you so much that really makes me happy to hear. :3
Date: 08/22/12 11:27 pm Title: The Beginning of the End
Your welcome ^^
Amazing story by the way
Author's Response: ♥
Date: 08/22/12 11:14 pm Title: Inside the Apartment
Ahh I read this chapter before work but didn't have time to review, and then I come home and there's a new chapter up! Lovely.
Bill and Tom are so sweet together, and Bill continues to be incredibly intriguing. There are a lot of interesting paths you could take from here and I'm eager to see which you choose! And I like all of the subtle macabre, it's a very unsettling contrast against the fluff (in the best way possible, of course). Tom's casual thoughts about murder, his joy at Georg's death, the comfort he finds from Bill's horribly depressing apartment, etc. Speaking of which, I wonder if we will ever find out what the burned rubber smell comes from? I'm curious.
Also, now that the story is starting to take shape, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind some concrit! This is just an observation I've made about fics with short chapters (
Author's Response: I'm not sure if you meant to end it there or not, but thank you in advance!
Date: 08/22/12 10:49 pm Title: Can I come In?
amazing amazing love it i need to watch the movie again good lord!!! XD and maybe read the book too i love this chapter really cute omg alkdmalksdmask x3!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Date: 08/22/12 10:41 pm Title: See as I See
only thing i knowtessed was this
“Bill, come home with me. I need to show you more.”
it should be
“Tom, come home with me.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Date: 08/22/12 10:21 pm Title: Meeting the Neighbour
just brilliant!!! i saw the movie, the original and i fckin love it is pure art and this chapter is just amazing and OMG you have uploaded really fast let me love you!!! hahaha *runs to read more* xD skdmadlkamdald thank you thank you!!!!!
Author's Response: No! Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!
Date: 08/22/12 09:32 pm Title: See as I See
georg=eeww!
bill's wings=interesting visual
tom is oddly calm about everything bill's telling him. my theory? tom will let bill turn him into a vampire and together they'll wipe out all the people that have hurt tom.
Author's Response: Maybe... but I think Tom is very afraid inside still but too interested to make a note of it just yet.
Date: 08/22/12 09:23 pm Title: See as I See
ididnt found any mistake dont worry :)
greate chapter :)
cant wait for mooooore :)
Author's Response: Thank you!
Date: 08/22/12 09:21 pm Title: Inside the Apartment
so cute at the end there! dare i say...affectionate?
Author's Response: Definitely affectionate. c;
Date: 08/22/12 07:42 pm Title: Can I come In?
I really like it :P question... is it like a mix of twilight and Vampire Diaries?? (no offence I just ask :P )
Author's Response: Twilight is dreadful and I've never seen the Vampire Diaries. It's based off of an amazing Swedish book called Let the Right One in. :)
Date: 08/22/12 07:37 pm Title: Inside the Apartment
This story is very different from what I tought it will be, in a good way for sure. Its not that dark, its actually sweet and cute :D
Hmm wonder what "ya spasu tebya" means, does he says that before he kills an human? Guess I will have to wait for the other chapters :P
I must also say that I love the animated pictures you put before every chapters, it gets us in the mood.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Thank you so much. C:
Date: 08/22/12 06:08 pm Title: Inside the Apartment
OMG. I love this story, and i really hope you woun't abandon it. I love your writing style and the details you describe. cant wait for the next chapter.
P.S is Bill russian?
Author's Response: He very well could be!