Date: 02/12/09 06:28 pm Title: Chapter 10
Ok so I’ll say it cause I’m a stickler for reality and correct details. If his hypothermia was that bad then he would seriously need medical care. Ok now with that said…I continue to read.
Bill did the only thing that felt normal in such a situation: he ground down tentatively, and threw his head back in surprise as a shock of sexual tension rippled through his hips. He looked down at Tom, who was grinning upwards, his hands still firmly placed on either side of Bill.
"Do it again," Tom said huskily, his voice still hardly above a croak.- the whole part before this is ggghhhhhaahh uha uahg…*composes herself* it’s good *she says in a high pitched voice and nods*
*squeaks* this is soooo good!!! *bounces and flutter claps*
"Bill. Shut up."
Bill clamped his jaw shut, a little miffed at the reprimand, but stayed silent nonetheless. - well the couch didn’t tell him what to do but Tom did. *grins*
"You should know this though," Tom continued, his tone growing softer with emotion, "I’ve always wanted you, since the day I first saw you and nothing in this world would ever make me turn you away. I love you. I always have."
"Don’t say that…"
"I’ll say whatever the hell I want, especially if it’s true," Tom retaliated, though his tone had remained soft and sweet, "I love you, Bill." - *squeaks and grins*
Bill pressed his newly hardened cock against Tom’s, emitting a deep moan from both boys. - that line got me uuuhhhhaahh!
He shut his eyes and bit his lower lip, trying to keep his vocals buried in his throat.
"Don’t…I wanna…hear you…scream…" Tom panted, his eyes sparkling with lust. - oh god!!! Uuuhhhggg aaha aaaahaaaahaaaah
"That was…amazing…" Tom said, his voice lilting a little, though it was rich with satisfaction. - OMG my sentiments EXACTLY!!!
"I love you."
Bill regretted the words as soon as they had been set free. He knew he was just making it harder for himself, yet he couldn’t help it. The fact remained: one day, Tom would have to die and Bill would be the one to do it. - after that I don’t think you can!
The problem was, Bill had become so good at lying over the years, he couldn’t even see when he was lying to himself. - Nice! Another forest through the trees moment.
Date: 02/12/09 05:47 pm Title: Chapter 9
"Another one!" Bill cawed, forgetting how arduous finding the answer to the previous one had been.
"Really?" Jorg inquired, arching an overly questioning eyebrow, his mocking, interrogative demeanor ruined by the smile on his lips, "That was a tough one, you’re not ready for a break?"
"No! No, I want one more!" - so cute!
Would things have been easier if Bill had just caved into his new life and abandoned Jorg’s future plans? The thought had never even struck Bill until this moment as the wind whipped across his face, though this natural phenomenon was nowhere near the painful slaps of reality. - beautiful forest through the trees moment!
He didn’t know how he had managed it, in his weakened state. Probably the effects of pure adrenaline. It definitely wasn’t love. - *smiles*
He wasn’t trying to be a hero. He had long ago accepted his role as antagonist of the story. - that’s funny I though you should know that I think it‘s funny too!
Acting on impulse, Bill bent down and placed a feather-light kiss against Tom’s collarbone. - this situation is such a perfect set up for this! There are so few I rescue you and we have sex stories on this site. Yeah there are the “the bully is going to punch you” rescue stories but not like real rescue. NICE! Ok so no sooooo different but different enough that it’s a nice change/twist of what I’m used to.
"Look, I have everything under control, okay? I’ll kill Tom, don’t worry. You’ll get what you want and everything will go as planned. Happy?"
"Bill, I need to know you’re on my side."
Bill looked at the receiver, not knowing what to reply. He could hear his name repeated over and over with growing alarm. He decided he couldn’t do this right now.
He hung up on his father. - oh my!!! The shit will hit the fan for that soon I’m sure! O.O
Date: 02/12/09 05:19 pm Title: Chapter 8
"Gay." Tom mumbled - *snorts*
"Mom, we’re eighteen. Can’t we plan our own birthday for a change? I wasn’t exactly planning to spend my first year as an adult sliding down some lame hill holding a pair of sticks."
"And what were you planning to do? Hang around getting drunk all night long with your friends?"
"It’s like you read my mind, woman."- *chuckles*
"Fine. I’ll come too." - so Tom’s Bill’s puppy…can’t we do something with that. Like stick Bill’s dick up his ass? *innocently smiles* That would make me very happy *nods and smiles sweetly*
Bill smiled as he imagined drowning Tom in that hot tub. It was the little things in life that kept him humored, these days. - I understand that logic!
Oddly enough, the new sense of responsibility left Bill feeling strangely claustrophobic. He looked around the tiny living room, which, moments ago, had seemed gigantic. The fire was still flickering away in the fireplace, casting ominous shadows. The sporadic glimmer of the firelight felt like an accusing spotlight as it danced off Bill’s face. - nice panic moment!!! VERY NICE! VERY REALISTIC!
What was Tom’s hat doing out here in the middle of nowhere, under a pile of snow? Tom never went anywhere without his cap. Hypothetically, if he had been driving his snowmobile and an unfortunate gust of wind knocked it off, Tom was stubbornly mule-headed enough to cut the engine and pursue it to his death. His caps were his babies; he would never abandon one, not ever. - OMG he’s going to go and freaking save Tom isn’t he? Such a silly stupid boy if he just left him then his job would be taken care of. But he doesn’t want to he love’s Tomi boy!!! Grins!
There were tears in his eyes, most certainly from the cold. His hands were also trembling, though that too could be blamed on the descending temperature. - yeah yeah yeah sure! *giggles*
It would be okay…Tom wouldn’t die. Tom couldn’t die…Not like this… - ha ha
Bill suddenly stopped his process, his hands pausing in mid-dig. What the fuck was he doing? - *giggles* the conundrum is spectacular!!! OMG!!! So awesome!!!
It was over. It was never meant to be.
This was bound to have happened sooner or later. It was probably even better this way. Maybe if Tom hadn’t died like this, Bill would have realized he didn’t have the balls to stab his adoptive brother in the back anyway.
It was for the best.
Goodbye Tom.
Bill got up with difficulty, still weighed down by this inexplicable sadness. The wind hammered at his back and the cold still stung his flooded eyes but Bill had long ago become immunized.
‘Tom."
He let the name fall one last time from his lips. His throat constricted painfully as they left it, maybe trying to pull them back.
The coat sleeve was almost completely covered as Bill turned away to make the small journey back to his snowmobile. - I would be screaming obscenities at you if a) there were warnings of character death and or b) if I didn’t know there would be more chapters to come. One of the few benefits of reading a story after it’s completed.
Oh and BTW if I had been reading this I would also be screaming obscenities at you for the cliff hanger. So one for the road…OMG you f***ing suck for writing a cliff hanger like this!!!! OMG @#$%^&%&!!!
Date: 02/12/09 04:52 pm Title: Chapter 7
Bill snorted, his eyes snapping open, slurping up a string of drool that had attempted to trickle from his mouth. - eeeewwww!!! Yucky!
Sammy D - dude if you’re going to make fun of my Samy at least spell it right!!!! *frowns and glowers*
"Tom…How many fuckin’ times do I have to tell you," Bill grunted, trying with difficulty to lift Tom from his chest; he was starting to fear Tom had passed out there. Tom’s face was pressed onto Bill’s collarbone and a low, guzzling sound familiar to a snore grated his throat. Bill stared down in horror as he imagined himself still here in the morning, clutching for air as Tom’s unconscious body pressed onto his rib cage, cutting off his cherished supply of oxygen. - nicely phrased!!!
One more year. One more year of this suffering and he would finally be able to do away with this nuisance of a person. When he was 18, he would no longer be considered a minor. He would be a fully-fledged adult and therefore entirely capable of inheriting all of Gordon’s possessions, including the responsibility to do with them what he would. This was all part of Jorg’s plan. Once Bill gained the fortune of a lifetime, it was as good as Jorg’s. The elimination of Gordon and Simone would prove difficult, though not impossible. With Tom out of the way, getting the job done would not only be possible, but miles easier. The only condition was that Bill must, without fail, attain the age of a citizen capable of balancing his own finances. - OMG good plan! Not what I was expecting at all! Awesome sauce!
As for conventional stabbing, it was messy and hard to pull off as an accident. A large bloody cooking knife protruding from the back hardly says "whoops-a-daisy". - *cracks up* the juxtaposing of murder and whoops-a-daisy. OMG hilarious!!!
Disheveled would be an underestimation of how Tom appeared right now. - how about wrecked?!
"I’ve always loved you, you know…an…and…And. You were so damn sexy in that playground, right…and I had to kick the ball over so I could see you…" - ha ha from the beginning! *giggles*
Bill stared in perplexity at Tom’s face, which was pressed heavily into the mattress. His eyebrows climbed higher up his forehead as Tom’s shoulders began to shake and wheezy, whiny sounds muffled by the bed covers, rose through the fuzzy mass of dreadlocks. Bill’s perplexity faded into alarm. Was Tom crying?
"Tom? Tom! What’s wrong?" Bill asked, bouncing over and crouching by Tom’s sobbing head. He grabbed a fistful of dreads and yanked upwards, revealing Tom’s red, tear strained face.
"I need you Bill…" Tom choked. He was looking straight into Bill’s face though he spoke as if Bill weren’t really there. He rose his hands in slight prayer, though still seeming to see right through Bill’s solid frame. "You’re the only one that cares…" - awh!!!
You got drunk right!!! Everyone ALWAYS fucks up drunk! They make them silly and stupid or whatever! But hardly anyone ever gets it drunk. I suspect that those that are writing “drunk” have never been drunk. They also tend to used it at a plot device to move the story along faster instead of like a tool to get information. Good yob!
Bill’s torture over not being able to say “I love you” is spectacular! Deep, emotional, real. *nods* it’s really, REALLY good character motivation, development, and depth! I’m a very impressed!
Author's Response: thanks! I have gotten drunk, but I don't think I ever cried (I HOPE I didn't cry :P). If I did, next time I'll make sure I have a Bill there to comfort me :)
Date: 02/12/09 04:25 pm Title: Chapter 6
"I’m here," Bill spoke softly, ducking his head. If he timed it perfectly, he might be able to feign a blush. Just a slight shoulder hunch…Now look away….Not too much…just a small cock of the head…and now twiddle the melting popsicle and…bingo! Instant bashfulness!
Man, he was such a pro. - damn he is good!!!
It took them 4 stinking years to get him a cell phone? Um that’s more then enough time for Bill to lose the indoctrination which Jorg has forced upon him. *sigh* too much time!
Still good hence the few comments. I’m suck in despite the minor flaws.
Date: 02/12/09 03:28 pm Title: Chapter 5
Dude I’m so sucked in that I’m not even stopping to comment! Now that’s a complement from a prolific reader! I can’t even do what I do best ‘casue I’m so enthralled!
However, every night, when the day was done, Tom would sneak into Bill’s bedroom with a blanket and his teddy trailing along. When this happened, Bill always pretended to be asleep. The first time, he did this in hopes that Tom would just go away, but he didn’t and after, it had just become a ritual.
Bill would feel the bed sink a few inches where Tom’s weight pressed down, he would feel a small arm being wrapped around his body and the bed would wriggle for a couple of minutes while Tom got comfortable. And then there would be silence as they both slept.
Bill knew he was always the one to fall asleep last because Tom’s soft snoring always made him doze off. The tiny expulsions of air sang a sweet lullaby to him and he rocked in the rhythm every night while his eyes slid shut peacefully.
Every morning when Bill woke up, Tom was always gone. - awh!!!!
The maybes Bill imagined got even more wilder by the second and finally, Bill was picturing horrible scenarios in his mind of Tom somehow breaking all his bones and flinging himself out the window. - ha ha I do that too in my real life!!!
He paused, his head resting on the soft carpet, the full horror of the situation finally dawning on him.
Wasn’t Tom’s death was what he was eventually supposed to cause?
Yes, yes it was.
Then why…? Why had he been so scared? Why?
The answer hit him in the face like a ton of bricks.
He had gotten attached. Somehow, through all his hate, he had managed to get attached.
Bill sat up, swaying from the blow of this discovery, dazed and confused. - awh poor Billa all confused and mixed up!
Dude you're throwing me off my game! *giggles*
Author's Response: woah! Thanks for your comments! And more importantly, your honesty and thoroughness :) It helps me out a lot when I re-read my stories to look for places to improve :)
Date: 02/12/09 03:12 pm Title: Chapter 4
Tom…the glue…O.O
The attempted kidnapping of Bill was awesome! A great idea!
Who would have thought, that only a year after this moment, Bill would attempt to take Tom’s life? - nice!
Date: 02/12/09 02:57 pm Title: Chapter 3
Bill didn’t know what to do. His mind had drawn a blank, devoid of any memory on how to proceed. He suddenly felt extremely nervous and vulnerable. Here he stood, a mere space between himself and the person he was destined to eliminate and he couldn’t say a word. His mouth tasted like a sock and all the moisture seemed to have transported itself to his sweaty palms. - this description of panic is awesome!!!!
"Well, maybe Bill could come home with us, until he regains his memory," she suggested, "God knows, there’s no way I’d leave the poor kid alone with that woman," she whispered under her breath though the teacher threw a hot stare at the woman’s back, having evidently caught every word.
The man chuckled softly. "That sounds like a plan. As long as Bill’s okay with it." - oops! Logic pit fall! *makes a face* I’m disappointed with this bit!
Of course their kids would overhear; they weren’t stupid or deaf. And of course, by the law of monkey-see monkey-do, they would react in accordance. - NICE!
"Alright. But don’t take too long. It’s necessary to have contact with him, or the whole plan falls to pieces. Get it done." - very true!
Tentatively, Bill reached a hand out from under the covers and touched Tom’s hand. It felt warm.
Bill didn’t care anymore. He was tired and felt lonely and Tom was here, giving him the comfort he craved. The source didn’t matter, as long as the comfort was there. Besides, in the morning, he could go back to secretly hating Tom and waiting for his new instructions on Tom’s destruction.
Slinking his fingers through Tom’s hand, Bill fell asleep. - awh tender and subtle! I like it!
Date: 02/12/09 12:26 pm Title: Chapter 2
"Okay, let’s play pretend. Pretend this is Tom. What are you going to say to him when you see him?" Jorg asked, holding the picture out so Bill could shimmy closer and stare at it.
"I’ll say; Hiya there. Let’s be friends!" Bill flashed a heart-warming smile, and held out his hand to shake the pretend Tom’s. It was a perfect semblance of polite friendliness.
‘And then what do you do when he turns his back?" Jorg asked again, flipping the picture over.
Bill yelled and lunged at the picture, ripping it up into shreds and tossing them in the air, dancing and cackling as they sprinkled down around him.
"Ha haaa" Bill chanted and rolled around giggling in the mess, getting Tom confetti all in his light brown hair.
Jorg laughed along at the sight of his energetic adoptive son.
"’But not until we give the signal!’" Both of them chanted in sync. This had been something they had gone over countless, infinite times. - I like this bit…it’s a little juvenile but it fits Bill’s age! *nods* I like it!
"Don’t call me ‘daddy’," was all Jorg replied as he stepped out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hall. - cold! I like it!
Tom. He was the reason Bill had to leave his cosy niche.
To kill Tom Kaulitz.
The words, though perhaps scarring to any adult, were almost meaningless to Bill. He had heard his utility so often, it had lost all substance.
Kill Tom Kaulitz-Trumper. That’s all he had been born to do.
Tom was the reason he was being sent away.
He hated Tom even more. - flawless *flutter claps and grins*
I’m so distracted by the story I can’t even figure out what to flag and tell you that I like the best. It’s all so good!
"Daddy…?" He called out tentatively, knowing deep down, he wouldn’t get an answer.
Self-denial was always a fun game to play though.
"Daddy!" Bill tried again, a little louder and more desperately this time.
He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to. Someone else could kill Tom.
Anyone. - NICE!
There, in the flesh, stood Tom Kaulitz-Trumper.- dun-dhun-ddduuuuuunnn!
Date: 02/12/09 12:02 pm Title: Chapter 1
No one talked about how cute he would be, or what a nice boy he would turn into; they spoke about the consequences, and about how his future would be nothing except business and trying to avoid getting shot by the German Mafia. They talked endlessly about how the repercussions of being the only child of the richest man in, possibly, the whole world, would have dire effects on his personality. - interesting world you have built!
though he had the fortune (or perhaps misfortune) to be born in a family of riches, where, even at the young age of a single day, he was being mentally silhouetted by millions of people. - this bit is REALLY good!
I am already impressed with your character development! Clear, deep, well though out! *shakes head* I wish that others could develop a character!
Yes, he was definitely the one. Once under Jorg’s wing, the kid would become a mastermind, all in good time. - I was on the fence about this story but I’ve very won over at this point!
Jorg tried to be the best father he could; it was imperative that he gain the boy’s trust because with that, he could get Bill to do whatever he wanted. - great logic and a beautiful twist!
It was time to teach Bill how to lie.- *grins*
Date: 02/05/09 05:47 pm Title: Chapter 12
This is such a beautiful story, I loved the ending so much, it was so sweet. I also loved the bit when they were in the chalet and Tom was "unconcious" and Bill finally realised he did have feeling for him. It was nice, it made me happy. I wish it had been a little longer, but the chapters were long enough so that was good, I hate short chapters!
I need to check out more of your work, definitely ;D
Date: 11/12/08 04:43 pm Title: Chapter 12
Gah that was so good. That part with Tom about to jump off the bridge, good Lord that was sad. Brilliant job!
Date: 10/23/08 07:53 pm Title: Chapter 12
oh what a good ending! YOu almost made me cry! Damn, I thought Bill would jump followed by TOm being thrown off and those last words were so beautiful, but thankfully they didn't!
this was a awesome story^^
Author's Response: thanks, and thanks so much for all your reviews :)
Date: 10/23/08 05:03 pm Title: Chapter 11
Jorg you low scum!
*sings I hate you so much right now! ARHHHHH*
I'm actually scared to read the last chapter:/
Date: 10/23/08 04:46 pm Title: Chapter 10
omg, that was insane!
So hot :D
now I have an image of a naked Bill making soup for Tom...
Date: 10/23/08 03:02 pm Title: Chapter 9
Jeeej for Bill!
I"m so glad he went back and took TOm with him!
great chapter!
Date: 10/23/08 02:37 pm Title: Chapter 8
*.* omfg
I can't believe he let him die!?!
Man that was Horrible!!! Fuck i really hope it wouldn't end this way:(
*still have a incy wincy bit of hope at a better ending*
Date: 10/23/08 01:33 pm Title: Chapter 7
xD lol just one more year.
Hmm, I really wonder if he will do it or not^^
This story is awesome :)
Date: 10/23/08 10:48 am Title: Chapter 6
darn Jorg came back in the picture -_-'