Date: 07/09/12 07:32 am Title: Chapter 9
Updatee yeaahh!! i love it that the chapters are this long. But...what do you mean its nearing to the end?! it just started!! nooo, pleaaaseee :D there must something else going on in a vampires life! how about sequel? or anything really, i getting to like this very much, this story is really promising, if you make it bigger :) Anyway, Bill is so sexy when he is possessive!
Author's Response: Funny you should ask for a sequel, since there are two I have planned! I must warn you though, with the current pace of my life, they will be a long time coming. But they ARE planned. I do indeed enjoy possessive Bill as well. I'm sure you'll love how things progress in his and Tom's "relationship" as the stories continue ;)
Date: 07/09/12 05:15 am Title: Chapter 9
Lol, oops, I belatedly noticed that the last quarter or so is all italicized. But it's understandable since that was a heck of a lot of tags you needed.
Oh, I absorbed every bit of this. *heart*
Really well-written drama in the first third of the chapter. I was biting my knuckle.
I got all wide-eyed when Tom put together the sensations and attributed them to the harbor D:
I liked Bill's peanut butter talk XD
Holy crap... O.O That Sarah isn't actually a psychic came as no surprise, but wow... So Tom's going to have her confess. The thing is, does Sabine already know about the murders?
“Okay. And how. do you. know that?” -- Shit D:
“You killed the oldest living source of immortality there was.” -- Hmm, Bill never implied he'd killed the thing. (Besides his use of the word 'was') Unless relocating the crate had killed it.
Aw, nearing the end? :( Well, all good things have to end sometime.
Author's Response: Yeah, italics prob fixed. Sabine didn't know about the murders, and that wasn't good news for her. You are an astute reader; Bill didn't say he'd killed it, sabine assumed. If you look back, you'll see he changes his tone and begins implying it WAS killed, as soon as Sabine makes it clear that she believes it to be dead.
Date: 07/08/12 11:26 pm Title: Chapter 9
I´m curious about the old vampire that was trapped in the yacht... i missed yoy by the way haha :)
Author's Response: Sorry was on vacation, then started pastry school (which is soooo hectic!). The old vampire critter is really something I've come to regret about this story (it's finished). I feel like I stuck him in there at the end and am worried you guys might find him a weird addition. You'll have to let me know what you thought in those regards.
Date: 07/08/12 08:23 pm Title: Chapter 9
Holy shit holy shit holy shit!!!! God this was so worth the wait! I loved this chapter probably the most out of every single one you've posted so far. I'm beyond sad to see it coming to an end already; I mean seriously, I love this story so much. It's one of those, 'I'll read nothing else until it's updated,' kinda of stories.
I'm dying to see how Bill and Tom interact next chapter. Just whoa all the emotions that flew between them; it's just freaking insane! But amazingly insane *-* I could just sit here and fan girl all night/ day over this but I wont! Instead I'll sit with anticipation for the next chapter *-*
Oh! And hope your classes are going well :D!!!
Oh xD And half of the chapter is in italics again. It starts in this sentence:
“So you have to do something!” I urged, “She’s evil! Her disgusting, secret creature aside, she had all those people murdered. Murdered so that it would look like your right hand did it.”
:3~
Author's Response: God! I HAAATE when I don't double check and the italics thing happens. So embarassing. Thanks for telling me:) I am very pleased that you still feel you're getting a better chapter than the last at this point in the story. I guess that means I'm still awing you in!
Date: 07/08/12 06:48 pm Title: Chapter 9
I'm more and more in love with this with every chapter :)
Author's Response: Great! That means I'm doing my job :) What exactly is it that you like best?
Date: 07/06/12 03:40 pm Title: Chapter 8
I’d like to start my review with a ‘small’ preface if that’s okay? I hope there isn’t a word limit to these things.
I am nearly 22 years of age, and have been using the internet for many years, in all this time I have NEVER, EVER, left a review for a story, left a comment on utube or even posted an opinion on an internet forum. (I don’t even have a face book) I couldn’t really say why not, I guess if I think about it I’m just a very private person, prone to slight paranoia and I just didn’t want to leave much of a ‘trace’ on the internet (ridiculous I know) once you say something it’s out there forever. Anyway, I’m currently reading ‘the art of happiness’ by His Holiness the Dali Lama; I’ve not even finished it yet, and at the risk of sounding ‘airy fairy’ I can honestly say this book had totally changed my perspective on life, (go read it!)
So from this moment forth I’m endeavouring to change and develop some of this inner discipline and compassion which the Dali Lama talks about. I asked myself ‘what small change can I make today?’
After all you always read and hear about how authors of fan fiction etc, would really love readers to comment and get feedback, and it’s such a small thing to do for someone really, it seems it means a lot to them, so why the devil not!
I have no problem talking and giving my opinion face to face, might as well do it over the internet. After all, surely all humans want in life is to connect with others, and have an emotional impact. Well other the years I’ve read some amazing stories on this site and the internet; stories that have touched and moved me, only right that I show my appreciation for the hard work of the authors. Phew, now let’s begin!
I’ll start by saying I love this story!
Initially read it because I was drawn in by the lovely banner, also I recognised your handle ‘sarahyellow’. I read your story ‘gilded cage’ which I loved btw (sorry I never reviewed it!) I definitely think you’ve matured and improved as a writer. As the plot to the former was a little clichéd (hey nothing wrong with that if you do it well, and you did), and this seems a lot more original, although though I recall some other reviews saying something about ‘Anita Blake’ books?, I’ve never read these so I wouldn’t know. That aside, another way to tell growth I think personally, is by your versions of the characters. If you compare your Bill and Tom now to how they are in your previous work they are totally different! (same as mizu, who I shall review next) this is good, sometimes you get this where once an author ‘gets a character down’ or so to speak, their mannerisms, characterisation etc, they just stay the same in every story it’s just a different script. Again nothing exactly wrong with this, if your obviously an amazing talented writer like fyredancer – who I shall also have to review- but the fact that they are not the same shows you’ve really taken the time to create something new and special with their unique personalities... speaking of which, I recall some other reviewers saying they didn’t like bill’s personality, or that tom was too cynical? Each to their own but I disagree. Personally I absolutely love them, you never really get to see dark/dangerous/dominant and perhaps stern Bill often, and given what we’ve seen of tom’s back story his cynicism is understandable; and together it creates such delicious friction between them. This is something a personally love, I hope it continues for longer, although it seems like Tom is starting to soften towards Bill since the kiss, and then trying to comfort him with the hug.
Someone said men are often unfairly characterised? I absolutely agree! I liked that you put tom being upset and almost crying over his job in there. It didn’t make me recoil and think his character was too weak and feminine, it just added a feel of authenticity/ too often in fiction plots seems to revolve around ‘champagne problems’ you know, the type of problems that rich and privileged people have, with no mention of realistic mundane problems we all have in real life -like needing a reference to get a new job.
I’ll make a theory that Bill’s initial attraction to Tom may have ironically been caused by Tom’s abrasive attitude towards him. Bill seems like the sort that everybody’s always fawning over. Surely it would have caught Bill’s attention that Tom was imperviousness to his charms?
It’s so annoying when you read fiction and the characters are so dense; so it’s refreshing that as soon a Bill started to drop hints and say ambiguous things, Tom started to suspect Bill’s feelings for him. Although you’re suspending your disbelief to an extent reading supernatural fiction, you still want realism and that adds it. After all in real life, I always know when a boy likes me, we can all tell. Along with the character flaws that some reviewers were moaning about, I feel these bad/unlikeable facets to their personalities are essential, makes them so much more real.
Don’t listen to anyone who says the pace is too slow! I think it’s perfect, it’s so obvious sometimes when a writer gets bored and starts skipping things just to hurry it all up. I actually wouldn’t even call this slow paced, I think it has a perfect moderate pace; slow enough for the characters and world to be properly established (which is extra important in a A/U), before getting to the plot, but not too slow that your getting bored waiting for the next Bill/Tom interaction. Plus I think it’s important in any fic to see how the protagonists interact with other characters and not just each other.
Loving the Andrej! impressive that you’ve made him a more masculine ‘serious’ character, rather than the typical Barbie doll.
Hmmm, what else, yeah just in general very rich in detail, like the ‘clarke kent’ reference thing; I thought that was cute, I never would have thought of something like that! That’s all for now, I don’t know why this fic has so few reviews, it deserves way more. Lurkers everywhere! I did it and so can you, I urge us to unite and let our voices be heard! Xxx keep it up! :)
Author's Response: Wow. I am utterly floored by your awesome review. What a treat, sqeee! Every comment you made had me grinning wider and wider in appreciation. Where have you been lurking? Was it in a bush? If so, I must chop it down. What tickled me most about your review were all of your comments on Tom's character. I have never put more thought into a character's personality, moods, reactions, and past than I have done for Tom's,d it means soooo much to hear that not only has my effort been noticed, but that it's been appreciated as well. It's good to get an opposing take on the characterizations and pacing, I was surprized that other readers had strong complaints aboutt those. rnrn
Date: 07/06/12 01:44 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hello! I've been reading this since the beginning and I finally found the time to react.
First, I love the relation between Tom and Bill. You can feel the tension between them. Tom wants to walk away, but Bill keeps pulling him back. I like how Bill almost always an answer has, so Tom becomes even angrier.
I love Tom. I always like that kind of character. The once who is the pessimist and has a past. There are a lot of stories where a person was abused or saw someone being killed and then there is so much drama. Everything that they write is around them, they become broken people who need help. I like the fact that Tom is not like that, that there isn't so much drama about it and it isn't the end of the world for him.
The dominant Bill is really good. I am a fan of a dominant Bill who knows what he wants. A Bill who is independent and gets what he wants. This Bill knows a lot, but not everything (the human servan thing) which makes him human and touchable.
The whole community in the church is beautiful. I like how every creature lives there, not the typical 'everyone has to fight with each other'. Bill has control and I think he cares about the people around him, even if it's hard for him to show it.
The scenes by the police are good. It is something human, at least a lot of the people who work there are humans. Some people might think it's unnecessary, but I like it and I really want to know who did it.
I hope my Englisch wasn't that bad, haha. I think I wrote enough in once. I hope you update soon, because I want to know what happens on Halloween :D
Author's Response: Hey new reviewer! About Tom, I really wanted him to have a not so nice past and a very complicated, often times negative personality, but like you said: he doesn't make a big deal about it. Real people don't always make such big deals out of the small tragedies and hardships in their lives.rnrnAnd for Bill, I really did want to write a relationship where he had the upper hand most of the time. It's good you noticed that he doesn't always have eveything perfectly figured out though.rnrnControl in Bill's world can seem cruel and overlordy (is that a word? hm...) but in the long run it helps everybody. I stick the cop stuff in to keep the story fleshed out in plot and to prevent it all from being soley about Bill and Tom. They are two people who function in a larger world, after all.rnrnI don't blame you for not always reviewing if it's hard for you to compose a review in English, but I have to say: you're English was quite good. Congrats.rnrn
Date: 07/06/12 01:10 am Title: Chapter 1
How about sharing some recipes? ^ _^ I thought you had lost interest in the story, but I'm glad you are still writing despite being very busy (read previous response).
Author's Response: Haha, I only have pate a choux and pastry cream recipes so far! Very busy indeed, but the best kind of busy. Will post this weekend!
Date: 07/04/12 01:12 am Title: Chapter 8
I don't care if its an annoying thing to do, but please update soon ;-; It's like beyond sucky not getting to see this story ;-;
But with that being said, if things are going on in your life that are keeping you way too busy, I understand. I just miss this story a lot XD
Author's Response: The reason posting has slowed down so much is because I went on a beach vacation (no internet), and now have just begun pastry school, which is a very rigorous program. I will try to post this weekend though.
Date: 06/29/12 06:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
i hope you received the other part of my comment... i send it to your contact! ( its long like hos..and th fiction decided it was no good together XD ) ..because in there i explained a little better how i feel about the police part! let me know, or i'll re send!! and please, post D:
Author's Response: I did get it actually. I get that you want Tom and Bill interaction all the time. That's clearly the most desireable aspect for most readers. But it really wouldn't be a good story if I limited it to only that. I must extend your Bill/Tom cravings sometimes, unfortunately :) And you're right: Bill feeding from Tom would be quite scintilating. But alas, this cannot happen yet. Tom still has too many hang ups. Also, Bill has already saved Tom's life (though in the past) and this is definately telling, as to how Bill may feel about Tom.
Date: 06/27/12 09:30 am Title: Chapter 1
heyyy!!! here i am!! i'm so sorry for the delay! but i've done my exam and now i feel wayyy better!!
back to the story, so since my english is sooo bad ( ugh i can read and talk easily but when it comes down to writing.. i feel sooo insecure!!! ) i will make a list of what i love in this story u.u
a) Bill. is simply my favourite! he is so classic but yet so.. not modern, but soo stylish. i love the fact that he can talk with tom through minds and dreams... tom doesn't realize this, but he thinks of sexual when bill fed from a person... but the things they can do to each other are SO intimal.. almost like lovers whispering in each p
other ears... i'm in love !!!!
b) andrej and twin. i simply ADORE the fact that you put twins in a story were they aren't twins and at the same time you menaged to use andrej REAL life..so, personificating both genders..is so EASY to picture a female andrej this way, we already saw it XD!
mhh i love less the fact that they were involved but this is just cause i don't like billxandrej pairing... i don't see the man in the couple XD though i pratically jump in the air whenever andrej seem to be jealous of tom, or bill feels the need to point out that it's not like that anymore XD ..like.. who ask it bill? XD
c) i'm in love with the place you put vampires in, so... ..well, nobody would really think about that bein the right place surely!!! more like a very old castle or something more..dracula ahah, but the scenary like that is spectacular !
d) i'm in love ( yes. ) with bill's call, the wolf...and sabine too. this is just perfect for a perfect epic battle. bill having power on another gender ( wich is so powerful, not like... a rabbit XD )other than his, is so..sexy!
e) i love ALL the other people of the story, and the thing that makes me go all crazy is that while i'm reading i'm trying to understand from what story-movie- book you took the inspiration for that carachter !!!!! you see, my favourite vampire movie is UNDERWORLD, with kate B. i really adore it, 1-2-3 and 4 X' so i'm always hoping for some underworld hints somewhere!!! and even if you didnt do it on purpose, the meeting of the clans is simply underworld u.ù
f) i don't like SOOOO MUCH the police part... its kind of slow
Author's Response: okay, I shall respond in a matching format for this amazing review: a)The ties that bind Tom and Bill are intimate. That's the inevitable push for a relationship between the two, despite Tom's plethora of negative sentiment. b)I thought it quite clever to give the ultimate genderbender a female twin, hehe. I like to imagine that as a couple, Bill would be the masculine half, since I do try to write him as a more dominant, strong male character int this fic. c)I chose the cathedral as a very grand, ironic home base for the preternatural community, since vamps are traditionally thought to find holy places repugnant. d)It's interestign that you find the animal to call power "sexy." It is sexy, but I hadn't really contemplated it that way before... e)Well I can say that this fic is HEAVILY influenced by both the tone, and the actual content, of the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series, by Laurell K. Hamilton. f)Hm, I'm a little sad that that was slow for you, but I can see how it would be less interesting for some, given that there's no vampire powers or Bill/Tom interaction happening.
Date: 06/27/12 01:44 am Title: Chapter 8
I'm glad Tom finally got out all his feelings about Bill and could talk to him about the resentment he felt. And i'm glad Tom finally got confirmation about Bill's feelings for him, and they kissed! squee lol. I liked Tom's whole little self realisations about the fact that finally figuring out what Bill and Andrej are made him happy. And poor Andrej being framed for all those murders. Another great chapter! hope to see more soon :)
Author's Response: This chapter had a great deal more introspection going on than those previous. It's nice to know you apprecitaed that aspect of it. I haaad to give you readers at least a kiss, what with the annoying lack of gratuitous sex ;)
Date: 06/27/12 01:35 am Title: Chapter 7
Oh my goodness this chapter was so intense, I can't believe Sabine almost killed Tom im glad Bill didn't let that happen. This whole chapter was great from Bill and Tom going into each others dreams to andrej's twin sister and the dinner. I'm still wondering about Bill's mental institution memory, all I can think about is "poor Bill". Anyways great chapter! onto the next
Author's Response: Yeah, this chapter certainly had a lot going on. Glad you enjoyed all the drama! (Oh, and you won't find out about the mental institution memory until the second installment of the series (yes, I have a series planned).
Date: 06/23/12 11:59 am Title: Chapter 8
I'm sorry, my inner narrative right now just consists of things like "he wants to toooooouch him, he wants to kiiiiiiiiss him, he wants to hoooooooold him..."
Did they get hold of Andrej's hair somehow or is it possible his sister somehow has DNA that would be mistaken as identical? I'm thinking Sabine is responsible for the murders to weaken Bill's power base and I wonder why this hasn't occurred to Bill.
Author's Response: Haha, I like your inner narrative. Hm... DNA is a pretty concrete thing. Very unfortunate for Andrej that his showed up at the crimescene. I'm pretty sure only the DNA of identical twins can be confused. A girl would have an extra X chromosome. And as for Sabine, well... Bill isn't suspecting her because the murders began weeks before they ever arrived in America.
Date: 06/23/12 11:57 am Title: Chapter 7
Ohhh, Tom. He is definitely his own worst enemy. I certainly can't blame him for struggling so hard, but he didn't seem to realize his struggles made it so much worse. But Bill - geez! He's maybe a bit too arrogant to recognize he's promising protection on one hand and putting Tom in a position where he doesn't feel he's protected at all, with the other. It's tough.
Author's Response: Bill certainly isn't being super careful about Tom's safety. Kind of selfish, when you think about it.
Date: 06/20/12 08:42 pm Title: Chapter 8
"You’re the most uniformed vampire ever!" > Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I think you mistyped "uninformed".
Author's Response: Oh crap, ew!
Date: 06/20/12 05:30 pm Title: Chapter 8
I love the way this story and Bill and Tom's relationship is developing. Wonderful writing
Author's Response: Thanks!
Date: 06/20/12 12:35 am Title: Chapter 8
Emily Dickinson :D She's been my favorite poet for years.
Bill woke a few hours early? That's very strange.
“Like what, apply makeup?” -- Okay, that made me laugh aloud XD
My gosh... So that's what happened with Bill and Karl and Tom. Hmm.
Someone is framing Andrej? Oh no. I'm not too attached to him, but he doesn't seem to have the motive/personality to kill all those people. (Though he did have that altercation with that crazy person) Eh, I'm tentatively with Tom on this.
Also, I was totally with Andrej about that cop.
Author's Response: I was excited to put the makeup quip in, when I thought of it. Yup, now you know what drama happened the first time Tomw as hanging out with the baddies. Andrej's not particularly a likeable guy in this fic, but you're not meant to perceive him as evil either, so I guess I'm satisfied with your take on him.
Date: 06/19/12 11:19 pm Title: Chapter 7
Wow... Delicious drama.
I can't believe Tom was trapped into being drunk from by Sabine DX Hmm, that Tom's last thought was Bill needing new upholstery is like something I'd think before passing out :P
The entire dream sequence in the beginning was fascinating.
Towards the end, I also noticed how Bill only gave two of Tom's faults. Being a reactionary and being stubborn. I wonder what the third one is... Maybe not realizing that Bill likes him? Heehee.
Author's Response: Haha, yeah I like adding weird little thoughts into people's minds like that. Glad you liked the dream, I wasn't sure if it was too weird of an idea or not. I left the third fault open for nifty readers like you to insert what you may ;)
Date: 06/19/12 10:11 pm Title: Chapter 8
I´ve been so stressed for weeks... your story gives me some air... thanks
Author's Response: Aw, nice to know I'm a pleasant moment in your busy life. Thanks for reading and hope things get better soon!