Date: 07/11/12 01:11 pm Title: What do you want to tell me?
Actually, I am... hm. This is a very fluffy and cute story, and also has been called classic twc, but it has some elements in it that make me think it could potentially grow to be even more fluffy and prima classic twc, in a very good way. But let me mail you and I'll give you fb if you want to. hugs!
Author's Response: Thank you so so much! I had nobody to learn me about how I can improve my stories, so... And, yes, I'd be very very grateful if you gave me fb!! hugs!
Date: 05/09/12 08:46 am Title: What do you want to tell me?
"Thanks to that broken radiator!"... that part is cute. :) Ok, so I like this, but it could use some work IMO. Your writing for one. I know you're not a native English speaker, but what annoyed me more was that you seem to not finish your ideas... like, when David came to tell them they had 2 days off and then the G's leave and suddenly the twins are alone. It was like, really? That's it? No more dialogue to explain the strange new events? Or later when Bill says "I wont sleep in your bunk anymore if it bothers you" and Tom replys "I didn’t want to upset you, it’s not your fault. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”.... I thought that it seemed like something was skipped over which would have made everything make more sense. And later when they were playing cards and Tom just comes out and tells Bill he loves him. That was really sudden. You switch subjects too quickly I think. If you're trying to write a shorter story, not a really long one, I think that you should choose short scenes to write, but choose the ones that mean more and draw them out. Choose the ones that are full of meaning and let that shine through, tell us exactly what the twins are feeling in those moments. Ok?
Idk if what I said helped at all, but I also want to say that I did like reading this and it was very cute and sweet. So not bad. Well done and keep writing!! :)
Author's Response: Thanks for your long review! I understood what you meant. And yes, I thought that it would be better if I wrote it shorter, because it's my first story. Anyway, thank you for telling me all these things; I'm sure they're going to help me in the future. I'll try to linger more on the dialogue and not to switch subjects so quickly. I really want to tell you exactly what the twins are feeling in those moments and I'll try harder. Thanks again for giving me advice! I appreciate it very much! :)
Date: 04/30/12 07:23 pm Title: What do you want to tell me?
Aww, thank YOU! I always love to see new authors writing fics and it made me so happy to receive your post about this. What an honor! Thsank you... :)
And this was a sweet fic. I'm sorry the twins had to do it the hard way, but I'm so happy for them when they could eventually confess the trith and how it changed their life for good.
I hope you'll write more also in a future. :)
Author's Response:
Date: 04/29/12 04:16 pm Title: What do you want to tell me?
You did really well. This was a lovely sweet story.
Author's Response:
Date: 04/29/12 03:52 pm Title: What do you want to tell me?
This was absolutely lovely and I enjoyed every word of it. Your English is very good and you have nothing to be sorry for. I loved it. Bring on the next story. :)
Author's Response:
Date: 04/29/12 11:56 am Title: What do you want to tell me?
nice story!!
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Date: 04/29/12 07:05 am Title: What do you want to tell me?
Ah that was so heart wrenching, but luckily with a happy sweet ending! Well done, it was a pleasure :)
Author's Response:
Date: 04/29/12 07:00 am Title: What do you want to tell me?
i loved it. It was absolutely amazing.
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