Date: 07/30/12 02:54 pm Title: Bleeding Lines and Unresolved Fears
woow, nice chapter. I love it
Date: 07/14/12 10:47 am Title: Bleeding Lines and Unresolved Fears
Hi there, sweetie, I'm sending this review to see whether you receive stuff through THF as you're not getting my emails and you didn't seem to get the PM I sent you. Can't chat about personal stuff through here because too many people can see, but just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten you and really hope the issues can be sorted so we can chat again. So sad to hear about your dog, and good luck with your interview. Hugs and love as always, Helen x
Date: 06/29/12 01:17 am Title: Pancakes and Pleading
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee update soon!!! for this and you other history the playhouse palace too... I hope you fine :D
Author's Response: Sorry dear, I'm off the internet for a while, please be patient and thank you as always!!!
Date: 06/23/12 07:00 pm Title: Pancakes and Pleading
I thought about waiting a few more days to see if you update buuut impatience won out so I'm reviewing again and begging for an update :)
So you'll have one in an hour? Great! Thanks. Bye!
Author's Response: I'll be back online asap, thank you for sticking with me.
Date: 06/18/12 09:26 am Title: Bleeding Lines and Unresolved Fears
I found your story yesterday and can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this and I will update asap, but my internet is down for a while. I'll be back asap!!
Date: 06/17/12 09:07 pm Title: Bleeding Lines and Unresolved Fears
I totally read this right after it was posted but forgot to review! I can't write nearly as good a review as heleng, considering hers hit all the points, but I do definitely agree that this chapter was phenomenal (like all of them so far). The way that Bill thinks and acts are so real and perfectly in-line with how someone with his problems might think. It's so interesting to read about his inner turmoil with continuing his path of destruction and lying about it versus accepting recovery and feeling like a failure. He doesn't want other people to be burdened by his presence and wishes they would just leave him alone. I understand how frustrating that can be, and it's hard to understand why other people are so adamant about protecting your own life when you couldn't care less. I guess that's what friends and family are for in the end.
I hope you update soon because it's been too long :)
Author's Response: Thank you as always for this superb review!!! Bad news is my internet is down for another month or so and I can't update, but please don't lose faith in me. I will be back though and will update asap. Thank you so much and please be patient with me!!!
Date: 06/10/12 04:49 am Title: Bleeding Lines and Unresolved Fears
Did you stay up all night to get this posted? I got my email reminder at 9.30am here in the UK so it must be something like 2am where you are. If you did post it in the middle of the might it was so worth you missing sleep over. This chapter is the perfect mix of Bill breaking down and then finding ways to overcome the restrictions Tom is placing on his little routines. I love all the tender moments between the twins, and then really I want to slap Bill upside the head when he does stuff that would hurt Tom so badly if he only knew about them. And yet I can totally understand Bill's need to find a way of coping with the emotions inside him that he can't let out any other way, and that he doesn't even understand. You wrote the self harm, the laxative abuse and the over excercising shit so well, so fucking accurate it made me shiver. Also that sneakiness and finding ways to thwart the 'help' from others that Bill knows in his heart is needed but he can't accept it because that would mean completely changing his life and losing all control. And then the guilt eating him up because he also knows that by being deceitful he's hurting the people who love him as well as himself...and that's one of the reasons he excuses his secrecy, that he needs to be more careful so that nobody finds out and gets hurt because of him. Vicious cycle or what? Oh, and nearly forgot, I think Gustav's attitude will either be really good or really bad for Bill. He did get Bill to listen to him and apologise so he struck some deep emotions there, but he might also alienate Bill with his take-no-shit attitude just when they all need to pull together. But then he's looking out for Tom's best interests so I doubt if he'd feel really guilty for pissing Bill off a little. Like I said, amazing chapter. This is one of your very best for the insight you've given it.
Author's Response: Helen, I did stay up all night for this. I simply could not seem to get it done because of distractions. This was absolutely the hardest chapter of this I've had to write so far. I'm beginning to wonder if romance is going to be a strong point to me, if I ever get to it, in either story, LOL!!! That's all an eating disorder is if you break it down. Just a vicious cycle of hiding, getting caught, hiding deeper,getting sick, refusing help and so on and so forth. That's why it's so much a malignancy to people who have it, because it can come back over and over again without warning and there has to be a breaking point somewhere. Bill here is very ritualistic, and very control oriented. There's a deeper reason for that and his uncertainty of where to place his emotions. I think that's where self-harm comes in. It's like this, 'I can't see emotion and I can't understand it, I can't release it right now, and it's frustrating and hard to focus with it. But, I can see the cut, I can definitely feel the cut, understand it, the cut's a release, and once the pains gone and the endorphines kick in, I can focus better.' I think that pretty much sums up what Bill's feeling as with so many people who self-harm and such. I'm not sure what role Gustav will play in the future of this story, but I believe I'll make it a strong one, either way it goes. This, like so many of your other reviews, is just perfect. I am fucking elated right now and thank you so much, for all your support. I will never be able to thank you enough. You nailed all the main points I was trying to make and I loved reading this!!
Date: 06/09/12 11:00 pm Title: The Gs Tell and Tom Takes Over
Finally an update! I hope the next one is soon because, as usual, I am incredibly impatient....This is definitely a turning point now that Tom knows more about Bill's problems. I don't like that Gustav is blaming Bill and calling him selfish and an attention seeker when he's really just trying to hide from life. But that's often the way friends react when someone has problems because they don't know what to do or how to fix it and turn to anger. It's difficult to deal with things that you don't understand.
I am still wondering what exactly is in that diary that Bill is so obsessed with, and I'm looking forward to finding out. Also, I am wondering how Bill is going to do on this tour...probably not well. Honestly, I don't want him to recover anytime soon because 1) the story would end too quickly and 2) no one ever does. EDs are so difficult to overcome, and often people never really do. I'm sure he's going to be irritated having people watching him at every corner.
Ahhh just update soon so I don't have to keep wondering! Cater to my needs! ...pretty please?
Author's Response: It's a difficult problem for people to understand, yes, especially when they feel the person can just stop. You're definitely right about people not recovering with a quickness, because the disease works very much like an addiction. I'll reveal hints of the diary pages as I write and I've been in the process most of the evening trying to get the next chapter down. It's just not an easy subject to write about. I don't know exactly how I'm going to work out what goes on during the tour either, but I'll get there. Thank you once again for this excellent review. I'll update as soon as I get the next few chapters all worked out!!
Date: 06/09/12 02:47 pm Title: The Gs Tell and Tom Takes Over
I'm glad Georg talked to Gustav and then they both talked to Tom, and all three are in the know and are going to work together to help Bill recover. I think it was a great idea to take Tom out for a relaxing drink instead of sitting him down and getting all serious from the get-go. It was heartbreaking the way Tom broke down in the middle of the bar...as if he hadn't already suffered enough with Simone's death and the way Bill has been acting. I love how caring Georg and Gus are even though Gus isn't really happy about Tom having to stress over Bill yet again. And while Tom is breaking down over his twin, Bill's at home ditching his dinner, taking diet pills and working out. And reading those pages he ripped from the diary. You are so bad giving little hints at what's in those diary pages...I am dying to know what the secret is. I loved the way you handled the three confronting Bill, how Tom had all his props laid out like that. I could not believe that Bill would try and lie his way out of it and expect Tom to believe him. But I guess that's the whole thing with EDs with the secrecy and lying and hiding shit, and also how Bill turned on his brother when he couldn't get his own way over the scales. I'm glad Tom is standing his ground, though. But then its just the beginning, is he going to manage to keep as strong and determined for months ahead while Bill fights him and pushes him away? At least he has Georg and Gustav's support. Excellent chapter, sweetie, and now I'm really eager to see how the band tries to keep an eye on Bill and how he manages to dodge them and lie and cheat about what he's doing.
Author's Response: Your beautiful and detailed responses inspire me so much. Thank you again for all your support. I would probably give up writing altogether sometimes I think, if I didn't have your guidance sometimes, especially in our emails. This was such a personal chapter in so many ways and it all came naturally when I wrote it, though some of it was very difficult to get down. I've already started the next chapter and I'll be giving hints about those journal entries until the time is right to reveal what's in them. It is true about the secrecy of eating disorders and most who have suffered won't admit it, no matter how much evidence is laid out before them or how much someone loves them and begs. It's the control in the secrecy of it. Only when trying to recover will one confess, I believe, because then, they're taking true control of the disease, instead of it taking control of them. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read, and I love to throw in light-hearted moments in a story like this, to break up the tension the reader's may feel. Maybe I'm too typical a writer, I don't know, but atleast you're enjoying it. I'm not sure how I'm going to work out things with the secrecy part on the tour, yet, but I do have some ideas. Thank you again for all your support and I can't wait to get this next chapter written and posted, hopefully sometime tonight!!
Date: 06/08/12 11:14 pm Title: The Gs Tell and Tom Takes Over
This was such a good chapter, Tisha. Sad, raw and a real turning point in the story. I'm so glad that Tom finally found out that Bill was having problems again, and that they're going to get him some help. Bill is just on the edge at this point, and I feel like the tour might screw with his head. But we'll see ;) Great job! (as always!) Can't wait for the next update, love!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for all of your support. This was a beautiful review and it came from some pretty close to home experiences. This wasn't an easy chapter to write, and none of them probably will be from here on out. I'll make sure Bill will be fine in the end, but you know me and a bit of torture must ensue first. But, yes, now his brother knows for certain and has taken it upon himself to help his twin through this. Awesome review. Thanks as always!!
Date: 05/25/12 01:15 am Title: Good Lies and Deceitful Smiles
Wow!!! I had reading all capitulos and I like it very much... ist very hard that happenning to Bill, and worst with his mother... uffff,.... but i see about pudo haber apsado with his father long ago...
very interesting y I have keep reading.. :D Other history yours great!!! like always :D
Im waiting for the next!!! and The Playhouse Palace too!!!! Completelly addictive your historys!! :)
Author's Response: Thank you, as always for this wonderful and unexpected review. I'm going out of town for the weekend, but will probably take Sunday night to get a little writing done. You are just awesome for this, girl, and I will let you know when I update again. Love you much!!! Thanx again!!!
Date: 05/22/12 10:27 pm Title: Good Lies and Deceitful Smiles
Whooaaah another update! I thought my eyes were deceiving me when this popped up and even stared at the updated date that read 5/22/12, still thinking it must be a joke. But no, it's real, and it was a great chapter as always. You literally made my day, and I would have no problem with you being stuck in the fanfic world...though that might be problematic for your real life, but what is real life anyway? Answer: Not as exciting as this!
I still think that you're slow progression of this story is perfect, despite my impatience with wishing I could click the next button after every update. I also don't think the laxatives nor the purging is particularly shocking, as some people might. When you're already in too deep, you tend to lose all respect for self preservation and act in the heat of the moment. Bill buying laxatives on the spot to get rid of the food he ate is something that really happens, and one time is all it takes to start a habit. It's amazing what people will do out of desperation, and all logic is thrown out the window, though their actions may seem logical and perfectly rational to themselves. If that makes sense...it makes sense in my head, but I tend to write these reviews like a stream of consciousness (CLEARLY, I am not the writer here haha)
Anyway, as usual, I'm looking forward to your next update, which will hopefully be soon as well. I hope that you continue to be inspired and definitely keep the story a little on the slow side. It keeps things progressing seamlessly and builds things up in a natural way to create an amazing dramatic moment that I can't wait for. If only I could fast forward 3 weeks...
Author's Response: Thank you so much again for this amazingly detailed review. Sometimes, I believe people will take desperate measures in circumstances when they're trying to harness something like this and feel like they're in control of it. But, like a drug, this disease consumes its victim and literally takes hold of their life. It's a nightmare to be trapped inside one's head like that and I wanted to portray Bill as someone feeling like he has the wheel, when in fact, the disease does. He's under a lot of pressure now and it's building.rnrnI'm not quite sure when I'll update this again, but hopefully it'll be soon. Just keep checking back. Again, I love your reviews and appreciate you reading. I put a lot of effort into this and am so glad you're with me to enjoy it!!
Date: 05/22/12 04:57 pm Title: Good Lies and Deceitful Smiles
This was such a great chapter. I felt so bad for Bill when he had to resort to purging and buying laxatives. Another nosebleed, too? This is really going great ! I love love love it. :) I'll email you later, okay? Update soon! :D
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I wanted to portray his character as someone desperate enough to do whatever it took to feed his disorder and control issues, and make it realistic. Thanks again for the awesome reviews!!
Date: 05/22/12 04:38 pm Title: Good Lies and Deceitful Smiles
Amazing chapter, sweetie. Have to admit to tears in my eyes and my heart breaking when Bill bought the laxatives...but then you know why that part would be so painful for me. You wrote the whole deceit thing so well, the sneaking about and hiding shit. I loved the whole injection bit with Tom because that's just how my girls were, the eldest shit-scared of needles and her younger sister watching her go apeshit at the doctors and then calmly sitting down and having her own injection with no fuss whatsoever. I'm glad that Natalie finally confided in someone and Georg acted on the information. Now he has proof of what Bill is doing he really needs to tell David. I just hope David cares more about Bill's health than the upcoming tour. My heart aches for Tom throughout all this. He's watching his twin withering before his eyes and still coping with his own grief over their mother's death. All the attention is on Bill but someone needs to give Tom a big hug instead of expecting him to be able to look after his brother. I'm glad that Georg realises that Tom has been through so much already. This was just so realistic and brought up so many emotions. Incredible writing, as always.
Author's Response: Thank you for this. I'm sorry about the laxative thing though, makes me feel like I'm being insensitive, but I thought it would be good to show that just because you're labeled an "anorexic" doesn't mean that eating disorders don't change and that the person will do absolutely anything to dodge having food in their body and not give up the control. Don't worry, others will be there for Tom. I'm not so sure about the tour, yet, but I will be introducing a new character soon. You'll see the grief pouring out in coming chapters and what will happen with the journal entries and such. You're a great support in my writing because I honestly don't know if I'd even continue without you. Thank you so much for being there in soooo many ways, Helen. I love writing this story and can't wait to get back to it a little later tonight. Lots of love to you, thanx again!
Date: 05/21/12 07:28 pm Title: Pancakes and Pleading
I don't know how you don't have more reviews nor do I understand how this story is so amazing! I just love how real everything seems to be; nothing is overdramatized. You really seem to have a grasp on their characters and a feel for how they would react in certain situations. I can't wait until your next post, which in my ideal world would be, um, in 5 minutes? Can we make that happen? No? Update soon! I would write more about how much I'm looking forward to finding out what is in the diary, etc, etc, but I think the previous reviewer covered all that. Update soon!
Author's Response: Oh, hunny, I love your reviews soooo much. Thank you. It makes me want to start writing straight away and if I could wrap my head around my stories more, I might fall into the fanfic world never to return. To me, it's not really the number of reviews I get, but the sincerity behind them, and yours are very, very meaningful to me. I'm not sure when I'll reveal what's in that journal or not in the next chapter, guess you'll just have to keep reading and find out. Thank you so much, again, for your wonderful reviews and for the compliment on Playhouse in your last one!!! U R Awesome!!!
Date: 05/21/12 08:53 am Title: A Closed Book and An Opened Case
Bill's control issues just bleed through this chapter. With the way he takes charge of all the funeral arrangements, tells Gordon he can't sell the house, and then goes off to work at the end rather than accept Tom's offer of comfort. Every time emotions are involved he tries to shut them out and starts organising or working. And, of course, he refuses to eat, refuses to let his bodily needs control him. I am so sorry for Tom and Gordon having to deal with Simone's death and worrying themselves sick about Bill as well. I'm a bit surprised Tom gave in so easily over the journal, but I guess he just thought it was stuff about the eating disorder and he didn't want to upset either Bill or Gordon any more. Now I'm wanting to know really badly what those entries say. I'm strongly suspecting it's something to do with that camping trip with Jorg. My heart was in my mouth wondering whether Jorg would show up at the funeral. I was sad for Tom that he wasn't there, but also glad because that would have been really hard for Gordon having his wife's ex there. This chapter was just really emotional and I want to actually shake Bill and tell him to stop trying to cope with everything by himself, and to let Tom in because of how much his behaviour is hurting his twin. I can just see a real breakdown happening sometime and that's going to be catastrophic. But it is so hard for folks close to someone like Bill to know what to say or do to help without making things worse. This really is so well written, sweetie, with so much insight into all the emotional shit. It makes me sad for them all but is so compelling I have to know what's going to happen.
Author's Response: I really love this review. I swear, you hit on everything I was trying to convey here. I think that's what a person with these kind of issues does. They try to over control, and unfortunately, especially when Bill Kaulitz was younger, I could actually kind of see that in him, so I wrote it in, with my own characterizations, of course. There are back stories here and it's all leading up to some pretty fantastic scenes in my head. Unfortunately, Bill can't see what he's doing to Tom, he's just trying to deal with the pain the best way he knows how and that's just not to deal with it at all. Thank you so much for this insightful review and I can't wait until I have all my thoughts collected for the next chapter. It'll be a bit probably before I reveal that journal entry. I gotta keep you hangin' on somehow, lol!!!
Date: 05/08/12 09:32 pm Title: Pancakes and Pleading
Wow. This story is so well written, and the way you describe the emotions of the characters is flawless! I love your story, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter...and of Playhouse Palace (because that's amazing too). You're a fantastic writer! I especially love that there is no "cheese" in this story; it seems truly genuine :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this. I love reviews like these and I especially love the fact that you mentioned PP, which is really hard for me to work out because of the crime drama aspect of it all. I'm just having a difficult time with that one right now, but the next chapter is in the works. I find this one a little easier to write and it's just kind of special to me for many reasons. Thank you once again for this beautiful review and I will do my best to update these within the next couple of days.
Date: 05/08/12 08:01 am Title: Denial and Disbelief
It's hard to know where to start reviewing. It was all just so sad. I feel so, so bad for Tom needing Bill to comfort him, just wanting them to share their grief together but Bill being so cold and distant. I felt sorry for Bill as well, that everyone was nagging him to get upset when he wasn't ready to let go. I'm glad you at least had him break down in the shower, I was afraid he wasn't going to allow himself any emotion at all, not even while he was alone. I feel awful for Gordon, too. He's dashed back to be with the twins and Bill starts straight in with questions that sound almost like accusations. I can see why Bill would want to see Simone's body, though. He just cannot accept that she's gone until he sees for himself and can't really grieve until then either. You have written this so well, showing Bill's control issues even in such tragic circumstances. I'm just wondering what he's going to do, how he's going to insist on seeing her...or worse, what will happen if he keeps getting denied. I can see him breaking into the funeral home in the middle of the night or something just to satisfy his need to know. David and the G's care was so sweet too, that they were so affected by the death of the woman they'd come to love, and how tender they were with Tom. That bruising on Bill's wrists was horrible when he said it didn't even hurt. I can't imagine how bad Georg felt about that. Okay, this is a bit muddled, but the chapter evoekd so many emotions and I just felt really bad for all of them. I have to know how Bill's going to handle things in the future, whether he's going to insist on seeing Simone's body, or just go on denying that she's dead. You have to keep writing.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. Thank you so much for this, as you seem to be the only one really keeping up. I wanted to show Bill as trying so hard to force the emotions down to keep his cool and control, but at the same time being ripped apart by the death of his mother. His mind just won't let him know she's gone and he's doing his damndest to shut down the painful emotions and let his disorders help him through it. Thank you again for this and I will keep writing, though Playhouse Palace will probably be up before the next installment of this one. I have the next few scenes sorted out for the most part and I will start this up again as soon as I finish the next part of PP. Thanx again!!
Date: 04/25/12 05:30 pm Title: Pancakes and Pleading
Oh my god. Seriously, seriously. Oh my. God. Ahh.
First, in reference to the second chapter, that was awesome! I can start to see Bill's eating problems catching up with him, and I can't wait to see how they develop as the story continues.
To the third chapter,
AHH. oh my god. I can't even BELIEVE you would kill her! OMFG. Gahh. poor Bill. D; Imagine how much worse he's going to get, now that his mom is DEAD. You just love hurting this kid, lol. Meannieee. ;P Jk jk. love yaa ;)
Anywhoo, UPDATE SOON DAMMIT.
Author's Response: Thank you, sorry I always torture the poor boy. He just can't get a break, can he? Thank heavens I'm not a god, right? Lol, okay, that was a little wrong to say. rnrnIn the next you'll find out exactly how Simone dies and what it's starting to do to Bill's control issues and his eating/work habits. Thank you so much again and no, I am in no way giving up on PP. I will be trying to work on that one tonight, but I've got a lot going on right now and this one just has my muse in overdrive at the moment.
Date: 04/25/12 04:04 pm Title: A White Wedding and Black Morning
YOU ARE A MEAN PERSEN, doing something like that, killing Bill and Toms mom.
I hope we get some hope in the next chapter, but yours story are alway very sad before it gets better.
Anyway what about your other story, are you not writing?
Keep thsi story up, I like it, you are a geat writer
Author's Response: I'M SO SORRY BUT IT WAS NECESSARY TO THE PLOT!!!! LOL!! No, but really, thank you for this incredible review. I will be working on The Playhouse Palace and I actually took down my other one, but Playhouse Palace is my baby and I will be finishing it with a sequel eventually. This ones just got my creative juices running wild. There will be very little hope for a while, my dear, but reviews help me keep going and I'm so glad you dropped me this one. It was fantastic!!! Thanx again!