Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/21/14 06:00 pm Title: The Meeting and the Denial

That voice in Bill's head is one scary bitch. I wonder why it's a woman's voice he hears, unless when he first started hearing her as a defense mechanism to help him cope he associated women as safe and men as dangerous. I thought BIll was too calm about seeing Jorg so in a way it made sense that that inner voice would break through to taunt him when he was so controlled on the outside. Anyway, it was good Tom insisted on staying in the bedroom and was there to help Bill. Bill's continous migraines are really cause for concern. I think he needs to get a cat scan or something to rule out any physical cause considering how frequent they are and how long they last. I know they're probably just from stress but they really are debilitating and I don't know how he can manage to function at all when his head is so bad. I do love how you work in little hints that Bill is improving despite all the shit he's dealing with. Being able to glance at himself in the mirror and not give in to the temptation to stare and critisise at every tiny detail was a small triumph and also a justification for him being allowed the mirror in the first place. The meeting with Jorg was...I don't know how to describe it, harrowing, I guess. Bill was so brave but I thought at first Jorg was going to continue to play it cool and simply deny everything, but he eventually showed his true colours and couldn't stop himself throwing out the insults. I'm glad Bill didn't get to throw that punch, in light of Jorg going to the press it was a good job he hadn't been sporting any injury that could be attributed to Bill. I love Bill's fighting spirit. I'm wondering if everything finally coming into the open and Bill being on the offensive rather than being a victim will actually help in his recovery. He's now got something positive to keep well for no matter how difficult things might get for him. After all, he's doing this for Tom as well as himself, and even for Adam too. By working through all this and getting better he's giving them all a future. Oh, and that final part was so good, showing how determined Bill is not to give in. I loved him voluntarily going to the fridge and planning on eating something, that's a great sort of fuck-you to his ED and the demon bitch in his head and his disgusting paedophile father. He won't be beaten by his past or the illness that could kill him. Now I'm left wondering how everything with the media will be dealt with, what the Gs will feel about things going public and whether the fans will rally behind Bill and the band. If this was real (and it feels pretty real the way your writing affects me) I'm sure you and I would be backing him up all the way. Like you've said in all the wonderful reviews for GD that you've written me this evening, I'm sure I haven't done this chapter justice, but it was so very good and despite the awful scenes with Jorg and the fact everything got out to the press, it actually came across as quite a hopeful chapter. I'm sure there's a lot more I could say but its getting late and I want to drop you a quick email before I go to bed. As usual, I can't wait for the next chapter. Great work. Love you, Helen x

Author's Response: Thank you, as always for the wonderful review! You definitely gave me a few ideas for the rest of this and even some for the sequel. He really is trying at this point, and I'm trying to keep this story progressing in that direction. I know I'm getting closer to wrapping this story up and moving on to different things. I have loved writing it and your reviews always keep me going. Between reading GD today and this always detailed and absolutely lovely review I have gotten some really good ideas I'm working with. I don't know how much I'm going to play up the media in this, but there are definitely some surprises in the next couple of chapters that I know aren't expected. I've given some thought to how some of the other characters are going to react to this and I'm off to attempt to work out my next chapter. I am itching to get some different writing done. Thank you again for the beautiful review and I'm so freaking tired at this point, I don't know if my response did your review justice, lol! It was really good! Love you back!

Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/13/14 02:29 pm Title: Shiloh and His Point of View

Unfortunately I can absolutely empathise with Bill's guilt over Jorg abusing someone else. You know my background. I have younger sisters who also suffered and I've gone through the what-ifs all my life. If I'd said something when it happened to me would it have prevented that? So, yeah, I can get how the guilt will twist Bill up but I do think Tom was right to tell him. I know it would have been better for Tom to tell him in person, but until he could do that it would have been awful if Bill had found out from the lawyer or someone else. I'm definitely worried about Shiloh getting so involved in the twins' lives that his professional detatchment has gone out the window. If he had concerns he should have gone to Anita rather than voice his opinion to them. How did he expect them to react when he called them out on it? I must admit I'm still a bit surprised that Adam seems to accept the way they are with each other. I know there's still a little bit of tension between him and Tom, especially when he thinks Tom is hurting Bill unnecessarily, but he's surprisingly cool with how cuddly and affectionate they are with each other. As always, I absolutely love all the detail you put in. It brings everything to life. I loved Bill rebuilding Simone's garden, also I could just see him being deperate to get it finished and resenting being told to stop. But I'm so pleased Adam is starting to really appreciate how manipulative Bill can be and that he didn't fall for Bill's pleading for Adam not to tell Tom about him sneaking a peak at the numbers on the scale. Maybe Tom and Adam will really be able to work together now,to trust each other that they both have Bill's welfare at heart and are both working towards the same goal of getting him well and helping him deal with the fallout from whatever happens with Jorg. I loved your last paragraph, loved how strong and determined Bill sounded, and in effect their relationship is a threesome now with only 2 of the members having sex. I'm not sure this review has come out quite how I wanted it to, and it certainly hasn't done the chapter justice, but it's all just so involved I could write a full chapter of my own on all the different aspects of it. Looking forward to Jorg getting his just desserts, hopefully sooner rather than later, but it sends a shiver down my spine to think of either of the twins having to face him. God knows what a court case will do to Bill's progress towards getting better. Hoping for the next chapter soon. Love you as always, Helen x

Author's Response: Thank you so much, love! Your reviews are always so detailed and appreciated. I will respond to the first part of this review via email. Just to let you know I understand, maybe not emphatically, but I get it and that's why I wrote it in, because I believe it is a very real experience for some people. As far as Shiloh is involved, I'm clearing some of that up in this chapter I've been working on. I won't put it here or give it away, but you're right, he was probably out of line. Adam and Tom are pretty much on the same page, although is there is jealousy there with Bill's time and how he reacts to each of them. I want to build Bill's character as stronger, but there's still a lot of difficulty with that, so if you read this response before you email me, then give me some hints. I'm not sure if I'm going to write the trial in this or save it for the sequel or if it will even go to a huge trial. That would take a helluva lot of research and I don't know German law, so I'm having to make some of this up as I go. I do know in most states here, if you are abused as a child or whenever and you didn't tell anyone, then there are a certain number of years you have to bring forth your attacker. Thank you again for this beautiful review and as always, keeping this alive in me and pushing me to set goals and get things done. Love you, babe!

Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/06/14 12:06 pm Title: Complicated Departures and a Simple Request

Wow! Just...wow! Such a long, intense, epic chapter. So much in it I'm not sure where to start. As usual your attention to detail - especially the medical stuff - is amazing. Also, Anita's therapy was so realistic and I'm so, so happy its starting to help the twins although the sessions are traumatic, especially since Tom is starting to recall more and to feel riddled with guilt that he didn't help Bill more at the time. I know you were worried about the 'rough' sex scene and Bill wanting to be hurt, but I think it turned out fine, with Adam showing how caring he is of Bill even in the midst of passion. It was kind of funny with Tom listening to all their noises, although I know it had him freaked and I almost expected him to break in on them and demand to know exactly what Adam was doing to his twin. But I'm glad he didn't. As much as Bill needs Tom to look after and look out for him I think he'd have been mortified if Tom had burst in on them. I don't think Tom would have liked the eyeful of naked men he'd have gotten either...so much worse even than hearing a few details from Bill. Like I've said before, the twins relationship is almost twincest without the sex, but even more so. They are so co-dependent, with Tom needing to care for Bill as much as Bill needs his twin to take care of him. It's cute, but kind of weird, so they do need to seperate a bit so they can each have their own lives and loves too. I think their week apart, with Bill having to learn to rely on Adam, will be good for him, though knowing you I'm sure it's going to be far from easy and filled with angst and drama. I love, love, love Adam's idea about the garden. Goes to show he already knows Bill fairly well, or he's developing an instinctive understanding of what works for him. Now I'm just hoping Tom doesn't get into a world of trouble and pain by going after Jorg. Even though the fucking abusive bastard deserves having something huge and red hot shoved up where the sun don't shine, Tom doesn't need to bring any more shit down on himself or Bill right now. They need to concentrate on getting Bill better and adjusting to a relationship that also includes Adam before they go after their father. If it ends in a court case, either because Tom's attacked Jorg or simply them bringing Bill's abuser to justice, the legal side of things could drag on for months or years. I'm not sure either of them is strong enough to deal with that kind of confrontation and the memories it will invoke just yet. Tom's so irate though, and his guilt at not protecting Bill is driving him so I'm pretty sure he won't be listening to the voice of reason. Thanks for the mention; you're very welcome. But you know I have selfish reasons for keeping you writing, because I want to keep reading. Can't wait for the next chapter. Love you, Helen x

Author's Response: Helen, what can I say? You tell me my chapter is epic and intense and then I read this review and think, did she use some kind of magical force to crawl into my brain and dissect each part of it? Thank you for keeping up with this. It takes a lot of time and is a very hard thing to write. The few reviews I get are well worth it and I really enjoy my time with this when I have it. I really don't know how it's turning out to be so long, though. Initially, it was supposed to be about twenty average length chapters, but my brain is fixated on it. I think Tom is finally at a place where he knows Adam won't intentionally hurt Bill and he's putting a lot of trust in him with this area of his life. The sex scenes in this are very difficult for me because I don't really know what I'm doing, and I have to concentrate so hard to get them just right, I think. I had to figure out a way to separate them for a while so that they can learn to live without each other for a moment and also to give Tom a chance to figure out what to do about Jorg without his twin getting in the way of that. Well, we'll just have to wait and see how well that works out. The trip might be a bit longer than expected, *that may or may not be a hint, lol. I'm not really sure about a court case, but with the journal entries and therapies and the aftermath of the abuse enforced upon the boys, I can see something building from that. I know their love for each other is weird here, but like you said, it's a bit twincesty without the actual incest, lol. Maybe I will write a twincest one day. I just have to get this done first. Thanks again and I love you so much, my very dearest friend. I will try to reply to your other review later on, but the computer is acting up today.

Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 06/16/14 04:03 pm Title: The Press Conference and Aftershock

Sorry for the delay in reviewing, sweetie, but I've had such a busy few days and I've finally found enough time to really sit down with my laptop and read your chapter. What can I say. Your descriptions of Bill's nightmares have me close to tears every time, and my heart breaks for Tom trying to help his brother but not being able to do a damned thing to prevent his bad dreams. Tom will soon have as many scars as his twin with the way Bill claws at him. I'm surprised that Bill could even sit down at the press conference after that injection and with his thigh still so sore. And I want to scratch that bitch reporter's eyes right out and feed them to her for breakfast. It's disgusting the way the twins' privacy was invaded by the media taking pics of the bathroom, and now Bill and Adam's relationship will come under the spotlight and I'm wondering how long they can keep the truth under wraps. I can see some really trying times ahead with Bill pushing against the restrictions Tom and the professionals impose on him; he's already complaining about lack of privacy, but what else can Tom do when Bill's been so secretive before and taken every opportunity to sneak away to throw up,take laxatives or cut himself. I think he was under the impression that once he got back home those restrictions would be relaxed. Even though he knows what's happening is for his own good he's going to hate being treated like a child who can't be trusted to make decisions about his own life. Sneaking out of bed, drinking wine, smoking and torturing himself by checking out reports of the press conference won't do him any good. I'm actually surprised he's drinking wine because of the calories...or will he use someone else's bathroom to throw up in? If Tom or Adam find out...Oh, there we go, you've got me sucked into this amazing story all over again, with countless scenarios going through my head. Now I'm dying to know how Bill will react to what he's reading on the internet. Will he blame himself for the adverse publicity and work it through by hurting himself even more? Can't wait to find out. Love you tons and promise I'll email you tomorrow. Hugs, Helen x x x

Reviewer: BillsAngel Signed [Report This]
Date: 06/13/14 01:13 pm Title: The Press Conference and Aftershock

Another wonderful chapter! It's so rare to see writing like this, you have so much talent. You have the perfect balance for when and where to put detail and write characters reactions and emotions so well. This story is so heartbreaking but I can't get enough of it. Well done! ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful and inspiring review! I'm so glad you are enjoying this story and when I get a review like this, it really makes me feel I should continue writing it no matter what. I appreciate that you think I am talented, when I really only write for my own reasons and for fun. Thank you again!rn

Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 06/04/14 05:55 am Title: Deep Dependency and David's Interference

Amazing chapter and so much detail as always. And, wow, I never saw that coming. I cannot believe Bill's going to face the press. But then, having something like that to focus on seems to have spurred him into action, made him start fighting 'for' something rather than simply fighting 'against' all the restrictions. I know the twins' relationship is viewed as unhealthy by a lot of people in the story but I love how sweet they are together. It's twincest without the sex as far as I'm concerned, and you know how I adore the twins loving on each other. It must be extremely hard for Adam, though; he must feel shut out of a lot of the important stuff in his lover's life. And their co-dependence is pretty self destructive since Tom needs to be there for Bill as much as Bill needs him there and they're both suffering to a certain degree because of it. Seems like Tom almost got a taste of his own medicine, though, having control taken away with David making decisions for him. It must've given him an insight into how it is for Bill with him having power of attorny. I am kind of wondering where the twins are going to house all these folks invited to stay when they get back home; that will be quite some entourage they're taking with them. I'm not so sure about Shiloh in this chapter, and kind of surprised Tom didn't protest Anita aranging for him to stay with them. After all, he made a bad call over the feeding tube and actually caused Bill injury. I know Bill took the blame for that, but Shiloh admitted that he could have waited...after all as long as it was inserted sometime that night waiting a while for Tom wouldn't have hurt. I guess that since Bill's gained weight, and with Shiloh's experience in treating such patients, Tom must feel that outweighs one error in judgement. I hated those last few words of the chapter; Bill so happy when he fell asleep only to be terrorised in his dreams. Now I really, really want the next chapter up to see how Bill will cope with the press conference. Will he give his usual amazing performance and fool the world? Or will he crack under the pressure? Get writing, girl...pretty please. Love you, Helen x

Author's Response: Helen, I am coming to kidnap you. That does it. You are now my personal muse because you have got my head reeling with friggin' ideas that are spinning just off of your review!! Like I don't have enough of with the one in my head, lol. To answer some of the things in here, I'll have to go over and re-read some of the chapters, but as I said in a past chapter the twins actually have a room, sort of like a mini hotel in their house where Anita will stay, then they'll have a couple of other bedrooms as guest rooms, but David and the Gs will only be popping in and out. So, it's actually going to be Anita, Shiloh and Adam living there for a while with other specialists working on and off during the day and sometimes at night. I'll have it all worked out. Don't worry. I think that Tom is so stressed, he kinda had to forgive David and he has to let someone like Anita take the reins from time to time. I have to remember as I'm writing them as just out of their teens what I was like at twenty. I have to remember I was far from an adult as I know they probably were. So, I have to think about some of the stresses I was under and how I had to turn to someone for guidance here and there. Twincest without the sex, huh? I simply died when I read that! I never view it like that when I'm writing them, so I'm gonna have to get this moving now and go write something all twincesty with them...not as brothers. Just-can't-do-it. Okay, enough already. Thank you so much for this amazing and excellent review. I always appreciate the details you put in. I'm am going to get writing as soon as I email you. Thanks again. Love you back!

Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/26/14 04:40 pm Title: Power Struggles and Parental Restraint

Finally my internet is working well enough for me to leave you a review. As always this chapter is full to bursting with the details that make your writing so realistic. I can't believe how much you put into the legal document, Bill's injuries and illness, and his treatment. I love Shiloh; he's the right mix of competent, commanding and compassionate. He knows what he's doing, will do what is best for Bill depsite his patient's behaviour but he also understands the emotional state everyone is in. I'm afraid Anita has now gotten a little too involved with her clients but how could she not with her personal experience through her daughter. The twins are going to have quite a houseful with so many people staying with them. I was actually pleased that Tom had a good cry; if he'd kept on bottling everything up and trying to stay strong for Bill there was a danger he'd also have a major breakdown at some point. I think Adam must either be a saint or head over heels in love with his Bill or both, I think a lot of men would have made excuses and run for it rather than deal with so much drama after such a brief aquaintance. Bill's new determination to beat his illness is great, but once again you write this so realistically because all the promises in the world won't prepare him for the days when his obsession won't let up, when he fights for his right to do what he wants with his body despite the vows he's made to everyone. But at least he's managed to silence the voices this once, and every time he succeeds will hopefully build his strength to succeed again and again. I know you had trouble finding the time to spend on writing this chapter, so I think you've done an amazing job with it. Looking forward to the next one, sweetie. NO Pressure! LOL!!! Love and hugs, Helen x

Author's Response: Thanks so much for continuing to keep up with this. I literally wrote this in shorts spurts from fifteen minutes at a time and no more than an hour about every other time. It was a little exhausting and sometimes I feel like tossing the computer out the door when I have to sit down and face finisihing this thing I've started. It's honestly because of you reminding me that I need to finish things I start that I even put so much effort into it. Thanks for the brilliant review and noticing all the little details. No, it won't be an easy road from here and there will be a lot of stops and surprises along the way, but it's getting closer and closer to the end. Love you back and I'll start asap!!

Reviewer: mrsbillkaulitz2012 Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/25/14 10:14 am Title: Power Struggles and Parental Restraint

I'm glad Bill is willing to try and fix this. He seems to slowly grasp the realization which is good because if it hit him at once he might go berserk. As for the twins' co-dependency it might cause issues in the long run. Tom is becoming a parent almost and if he gets stuck in that mindset he may negate the treatments Bill would need if they cause him pain. Overall I loved this chapter and can't wait for more.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing. I really appreciate it. I was a little worried about this chapter being a bit too over the top with Tom's own parental issues over Bill now that he has custody over his medical treatments but it'll all work itself out with therapy, hopefully...thank you again!

Reviewer: amy_tokiohotel_kaulitz Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/26/14 09:08 am Title: Water and Blood

I am in love with your story! Really, it's just so so good! Keep writing, it's fantastic! :)

Author's Response: Thank you, hon. I really appreciate someone else finally reviewing. Let me know some details about what you like or don't like. Only if you feel like it, though. I will most certainly keep writing this! Thanks again!

Reviewer: heleng Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/25/14 05:03 pm Title: Water and Blood

Hi, I hope you got my messages about my change of email address. I'm still getting mail to the old address for a couple of weeks but trying to transfer everything over to the new one before it cuts off. So, you did say this chapter got angsty and it sure did. And yes, I did hate Bill when he lied right out to Tom, trying to blame Adam for setting him up with the pills when Adam was right there. Shit, how could he do that when he's supposed to love the man, but then I guess the demon of his obsession and the one that's possessing his mind are stronger than everything else. So scary that voice he's hearing in his head. I don't blame Adam for almost walking away; his love for Bill must be amazingly strong for him to turn and stay when Tom asks him to. Tom's terror was frightening to read when he learned Bill was cutting and he was in that bathroom alone with the door locked, and then when the door was opened and Tom got a look at his baby brother...God, girl you can write descriptions of blood and injury like no one else I know. So graphic I could see the scene. I am so glad Tom's got power of attorny now. As long as he can be strong enough to use it when Bill pulls out all the emotional stops to try and get his own way it will mean he can insist Bill stays in hospital and gets the proper treatment. I'm guessing there's absolutely no way the tour will continue now, at least I hope not. Bill and Tom both need out of the extra stress and to just concentrate on Bill's recovery. I'm hoping this is the turning point now; I'm feeling Tom's pain at watching his brother destroy himself and I'm not sure I can take much more. Love you as always, Helen x

Author's Response: I wrote you through your new email address, so I guess I'll send you an email through your other one for right now. It was short, but I wasn't sure if you were getting my email or not. Thank you for sticking with this story. It will be a turning point in a way, yes. I'm not going to reveal anything about the ending which I have pretty much worked out in my head. I hope the blood and injury aren't too much for you. You'll have to tell me if I'm getting too carried away. There are some very real aspects to the voice Bill hears and more will be explained about it in the next chapter. Just try to bear with me. I'm going to wrap this thing up really soon. Thank you for your review. I absolutely loved it and, again, I'm really sorry if the descriptions got to be too much for you. I'll try to tone it down with how I write some things, but it's hard when my muse won't shut up about it. I have a couple of really great ideas for the next few chapters and I think you'll like them. Thank you so much for this. I love you and will write you soon!