Hi hon, it's me Lazurline. You asked to read this but I didn't even finish the second chapter. Let me give you some insight.
1 - your format is all wrong. Everything is mashed up. You're 17, you know how to use paragraphs and indentations. I know they taught that in school.
2 - you're not a horrible writer but this story is not fanfiction. This story has absolutely nothing to do with Tokio Hotel. You THINK it is because you mentioned Bill. But to any seasoned writer in the THF world will tell that this is not a fanfic, this is your original fiction with a character that looks like Bill is not even the main character, Taylor is. Taylor is also an annoying characterization we call a Mary Sue--who is short is a fictional, completely unreal or plausible in real life. This why your 3-chapter fic only has 1 reviews. This site is now saturated with these kinds of docs but its ok because you're not doing this for any other reason but entertainment, but this is not really entertainment, more like an elongated emofic.
I hope you take this into consideration. Do something a bit realistic. 'I think the originality of the fic is nice, very nice. Just develop the character more.

Author's Response: Could you explane how I would develop the characters more?