Date: 04/22/08 06:49 pm Title: Chapter 10
yay!! thanks for updating!
Date: 04/22/08 03:21 pm Title: Chapter 10
more more more more more
Date: 04/22/08 01:44 pm Title: Chapter 10
woooooow soooo soooo goood as usal ur gr8 wow i love it haha tht line about bein scarrred for life classic i swear update soonish
lyl
xxx
Date: 04/20/08 10:33 pm Title: Chapter 1
*gleeful cackle*
innocent little billie is not what he seems is he?
slut.
thanks for the update!!
Date: 04/20/08 10:04 pm Title: Chapter 9
hot is all I can say! lol
make more plz :]
Date: 04/20/08 04:43 pm Title: Chapter 8
LOL! OMG! Got me all in a fluster! Haha! I love it!!! More as SOON as you can pleaseeeee!!!!!!!!
xxxx
Date: 04/18/08 10:34 pm Title: Chapter 8
He's too adorable. So corruptable; I love it, lol. It would only be too much fun to be the one to debauch him, and I'm very jealous of your character being the one to do it!
Author's Response: I have this obsessoin with corrupting bill. LOL. IDK why but I figured this fic would be the place to do it.
Date: 04/05/08 12:23 pm Title: Chapter 8
***“Wachen Sie, cutie auf,”***
Formal address and a pet name does sound weird. --> "Wach auf, cutie." (cutie would be "SĂĽĂźer"^^)
***“Morgen schon?”***
Almost^^. --> "(Ist) schon Morgen?"
***“Sorge, mich zu zeigen?”***
Hm, "afraid to show me?"? --> "Angst, sie mir zu zeigen?"
I like the way she treats Bill... I really do XD
Author's Response: Yeah I used an online translator, and forgot to go back in and fix that before I posted it on here. But thanks for the corrections. ;)
Date: 04/05/08 12:10 pm Title: Chapter 6
***“Siehe, Bill, dies ist, warum ich eine Woche im Voraus einpacke,” Tom said.***
If Tom ever said that to Bill he would laugh himself to tears. Not because it´s wrong - it is correct german but it´s as old-fashioned as can be ;)
--> "Siehst du, Bill, deswegen packe ich (schon) eine Woche im Voraus ein."
You do not need the "schon" but filling words like that make it sound more idiomatic.
***“Wenn denkst du, dass er schlecht ist, hättest du sehen sollen, dass mich versuchend, sich vorzubereiten, hier zu kommen,” I answered.***
I´m not sure if I got it completely, it´s kinda messed up. I would propose "Wenn du denkst, dass er schlecht organisiert ist, hättest du mich mal sehen sollen, als ich gepackt habe, bevor ich hier her gekommen bin." (= If you think of him to be badly organized you should have seen me packing my stuff before I got here)
***“Klar hast du es rechts verlassen, wo es und du hättest sein sollen, könnten nicht finden es, dumbass,” I said.***
Sure have you on the right side left, where it and you should have been should, could not find it... Help!^^ You wanted to say that he left his belt where it was supposed to be and searched for it everywhere except there? Then it´s "Klar, du hast ihn genau da liegen gelassen, wo er hingehört, und ihn deswegen nicht gefunden."
Date: 04/05/08 11:47 am Title: Chapter 4
God chap 3 was hot :)
***“David, hallo, Wie sind Sie?”
“Ich bin gut,” he said.***
Uh, word by word-translation^^
It´s "Wie geht es Ihnen?" and "(Mir geht es) gut" - usually you don´t answer "Mir geht es gut", but "Gut, danke".
***“Sounds good,” David said. “Ich werde mit Ihnen morgen, dann sprechen?”***
It´s correct expect for the order of words: "Ich werde dann morgen mit Ihnen sprechen?
***“Ja, Dass Klänge einen Plan mögen,” I said.***
Word by word again XD Sounds pretty funny and took me again some time to understand what you mean^^
--> "Ja, klingt nach einem guten Plan/ einer guten Idee"
***“Sehr gut,” Daid said. “Auf Wiedersehen.”
“Auf Wiedersehen,” I said, and we hung up.***
When you speak to someone on the phone you say "Auf Wiederhören" instead of "Auf Wiedersehen" (as you can´t see and only hear the person you´re talking to) - but that´s a rather minor detail
Date: 04/05/08 11:25 am Title: Chapter 2
Just got trough the second chapter and I have to admit I like it so far :)
Since I´m german and you asked for correction - here it is (I´m sorry if my English is somewhat... bad)
***“Hallo!” I said, approaching the group,” Ich heisse Ellet Monticello, und ich bin von Revolverzeitschrift.”***
To make it sound "more german", I would add an "der": "und ich bin von der Revolverzeitschrift."
***“Hallo!” The all replied, and we all shook hands.
“Ich heisse David Jost, und sie heissen Bill Kaulitz, Tom Kaulitz, Georg Listing, und Gustav Schafer.”***
It´s correct german, but you would rather say "Ich bin David Jost und das sind Bill Kaulitz, Tom Kaulitz, Georg Listing und Gustav Schäfer."
(Btw, there is no comma after "und")
***“Nimmt Ein, um Ein zu kennen,” I said, defending Georg.***
This doesn´t make any sense at all. If you wanted to translate "It takes one to know one", the correct translation would be "Um etwas in jemandem wiederzuerkennen, muss man es selbst in sich selbst erkannt haben" - but it´s way too long, complicated and stiff for a witty answer.
I could imagine Ellet to say something like "Das sagt der Richtige" (= That´s rich, coming from you) or "Da erkennt sich einer wohl selbst" (~ Someone seems to have recognized himself) or if you want her to be a bit more "sophisticated": "Spieglein, Spieglein an der Wand" (= Mirror, mirror on the wall)
Date: 04/04/08 06:55 pm Title: Chapter 8
*snicker*
dear god this is AMAY-ZINK.
Date: 04/03/08 01:19 pm Title: Chapter 8
haha... that was good... Bill was like... What!?!?!
more
Author's Response: That's how I envision him acting. he likes the idea, but he's totally nervous. hehehe
Date: 04/03/08 01:01 pm Title: Chapter 8
lol the poor boy lol loved it as per usal
and agen i would so totally give u more than ten for this cha[p but sadly i cant so ill have to put up wioth it it
and as long as theres more chaps there will be more positive comments there all gr8 im hooked literally [points to hoook it lip] and it hurts
lool
ly
xx
Author's Response: There's plenty more...it's just a matter of me posting/working. It's getting to the point in the year where I'm not working on much other than school.
Date: 04/03/08 01:15 am Title: Chapter 7
is this story on hiatus?
Author's Response: No I've just been lazy. I'll update. ;)
Author's Response: No I've just been lazy. I'll update. ;)
Date: 03/27/08 03:46 am Title: Chapter 7
love it. keep writing.
Date: 03/22/08 01:25 am Title: Chapter 7
this is actually really good. usually i despise OFC fics but oh hey! this one is actually written well! keep it up!
Date: 03/21/08 10:55 am Title: Chapter 7
awwwww how adourable i always love ur story spring nicht bein my first then school days now this its gr8 luv it cant wait for u to update ly xx [ps i would give u more but tens max lol so from me i give u 15 lol ] x
Author's Response: awe, how sweet. Thanks bunches! *mwah*