The idea is good! The writing and grammar is fine.

The only thing are the changes in pov and characters and 2nd and 3rd person.... it's hard to follow. In the chapter notes, it's always a drag when I read "this chapter is in this character's pov, and it'll switch halfway through and the next chapter will be in this other character's pov."

If you don't want to change how you do it, that's fine too, though. It's your story! But for the reader, they might want to be shown what's going on (who's pov or whatever told through the story events) rather than being explicitly told (like in a chapter note). Good luck with whatever you do!