(Before I say anything, please note my warning: I am unnecessarily blunt when leaving reviews. Please translate my bluntness into something slightly less mean. This should not be taken as a flame.) This had the potential to be very good, and it had the potential to be very bad. Unfortunately, it fulfilled it's potential to be very bad. Part of that was the grammar. There were so many grammatical errors that it was hard to focus on the story, and it made the story very vague and cliched (and yes, sometimes grammar has the power to make things cliched). Also, nothing was explained. There was no reason for Bill's family to give him an arranged marriage after high school, and there was no reason for Tom's family to give him an arranged marriage after college. It also doesn't make sense that Bill got pissed off at Tom for having an arranged marriage when Bill himself had an arranged marriage. Gustav being Tom's younger brother didn't make sense either, because Gustav's older than Tom and Bill (yes, I'm aware that it's AU and that liberties may be taken, but that annoyed me for some reason). No school in their right mind would take liberties away from a student because that student was getting bullied. It would be unethical, and it would never happen. Also, the end was unnecessarily harsh: No one knew where they went except Gustav, and two years later they died in a car crash. I mean, seriously? Actually, scratch that. The car crash would have been plausible had this been better written. However, because it was so badly written, the car crash seemed ridiculous, cliche, and pointless. Also, we never meet the girl Bill's supposed to be marrying. This also makes no sense, as one would expect to meet the girl destroying their relationship in such a story. We never meet the girl Tom's going to marry (I expect his parents have already chosen her), which, likewise, makes as little sense as not meeting the girl Bill's going to marry. The girl whose name starts with L - the slutty one - made no sense whatsoever. I simply cannot imagine someone doing that, and what's more, I don't understand why Bill was at cheerleading practice, since you never said he was a cheerleader. I thought you'd said he was in the drama club, so he'd have no reason to be at cheerleading practice, or at basketball practice. I'm both sorry and not sorry for being so harsh on your story, but it had to be said. I don't know how to fix this story either. I'm no good at giving suggestions, only at pointing out mistakes (it's a shortcoming of mine as a writer, editor, and reviewer). Please think over what I've pointed out, and try to think of ways you might be able to fix them. That way, when you next write something, it'll be better =) I do not write reviews such as this one with the intent to make the writer feel miserable (though I know that sometimes happens - sorry =/), but rather, with the intent to make the author look at his or her writing in a different light, and to improve their skill. Good luck improving your writing =)

I'm glad it all ended well for them. True love never dies.

Author's Response:

so ture :). Thank you so much for reading also please check out my newest story called Twisted Fari Tale. * HUgs you* Bye