Date: 09/30/11 03:57 am Title: Chapter 8
very very interesting.
Date: 09/30/11 03:39 am Title: Chapter 6
I liked Tom's answer. Its pretty clever actually.
Date: 09/30/11 03:34 am Title: Chapter 4.5
Tom lucked out a bit here.
Date: 09/30/11 03:31 am Title: Chapter 4
oh how very cool.
Date: 09/30/11 03:19 am Title: Chapter 1
very interesting beginning.
Date: 09/23/11 11:42 am Title: Chapter 28
I finally finished this, and I'm so in love with it ;~; I feel like anything I say will be completely insufficient to convey just how much and what I adore about this story. But I guess I'll try!
First of all, one of the things I'm always kind of neurotic about when I read a story is the pacing. If something is too rushed, or drags out too much, I can't enjoy it - but this was perfect. You weren't afraid of passages of time, and I think you chose the right things to show us, in terms of Tom's development and growth, and the development of his friendship with Bill.
The mythology you've created with this story is absolutely fascinating, and remarkably well thought out as far as I can tell. I noticed you mentioned writing a sequel, and normally I can take or leave those when it comes to fanfic (especially when they have an ending as fitting and satisfying as this one has), but I'm so interested in this world that I would absolutely love to see more of it. I will be favoriting you, so even if it does take awhile, I will be there if/when it eventually goes up ;)
Along with the mythology and the world, I really love your exploration here of fear and its insidious irrationality, especially in the face of how *actually* unpredictable Bill's power is (and fire mages in general, but especially his). You created many layers of grey area, so that we can feel for both Bill, and most of the people that fear him. I LOVE that fleshed out dimension.
And probably my favorite thing about this story is your imagery. There is not a single TH fanfic cliche in here in terms of your descriptions of Bill and Tom and their interactions, and it is pure, mature, rich fantasy. Few stories on this site have managed to sweep me up inside them in quite the easy way this one did from beginning to end!
One day I'll have to re-read this and review individual chapters so that I can make sure I won't feel like I'm leaving anything out :)
Author's Response: I have to admit, I'm a bit neurotic about pacing too, at least in my own stories. I thin the deadline of the challenge really helped me boil everything down to what was absolutely the most important stuff to convey. It was hard to figure out what should be described and what should be summarized. Eventually, though, the characters told me what they really wanted to do and what was just incidental to get them from point a to point b. They're a pretty vocal bunch.
I'm glad you think the fear and paranoia came off well. It's something I fretted over as I was nearing the end. There had to be believable reasons people hated the fire mages, even if they did take it too far. I kept adding scenes in an effort to show this but eventually had to stop or ruin the aforementioned pacing :D
no cliches, huh? Good. I was afraid I might have fallen back on them for, say, my sex scene because I'm so inexperienced writing them. You certainly don't need to go back and comment on every chapter because I think you did a marvelous job expressing yourself here. But... if you really want to, I'm certainly not going to complain ;-) Like all fanfic authors, I'm a bit of a review whore and I'll take as much as I can get, whenever and whereever. Thank you so much for reviewing and I'm really glad you enjoyed it :D
Date: 09/22/11 07:32 pm Title: Chapter 4.5
Is this the reason Tom kept coming to the ball room, when Gordon told Tom to put out a fire? I remember when Tom kept going there sweeping the floor or something. Like in the chapters you said that Tom discovered a tunnel, I thought that was years back when he was younger like when he first got there. Then Tom said he meet Gordon before and found him scary, again I thought that was when he was younger. Now it makes sense.
Anyway when I saw this updated, I was wondering if you added anything to the end or re-writted it. Again nice story! ^^
Author's Response: I know, I know! I'm awful! I can't believe anyone made any sense of this without it. Ah well, it's fixed now. I'm glad you saw and went back and read it. Sorry there wasn't more added to the ending. I'm working on the sequel but without a deadline it's going much much more slowly.
Date: 09/21/11 06:35 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh thank goodness! I mean, I'm so sorry that it was missing, but I'm really glad I wasn't just being horribly nitpicky, I felt terrible XDDD I think it says a lot though, that the confusion wasn't enough to put anyone off reading or anything :D
I also left that review before I'd finished chapter 8 and moved on to 9, and holy woooooooow! Those two chapters especially, everything involving Tom and the Firedancer and the fire mages in general, it's utterly enthralling. I am so impressed with how intense and rich your imagery is *_______* I had to force myself to put this down last night, and I'm excited to get back into it now :)
Date: 09/21/11 06:51 am Title: Chapter 8
I am really, *really* loving this story so far! I thoroughly enjoy this world, I feel totally swept up in it :)
However, I don't usually comment until I've finished a story, but I'm a little confused about something. Is there a chance a chapter is missing, or something like that, between chapters 4 and 5? There's mention of a tunnel that Tom discovered, but I don't remember reading anything about that before, and I also feel a little lost about why he started sneaking in there to work in the first place. Last we read before that was the Firedancer, so I thought maybe it was curiosity about him, but that doesn't seem to be at the forefront of his mind (unless I'm reading it incorrectly XD). The first mention of Gordon in chapter 5 seems as if we're supposed to know him from a week earlier, but I can't find a previous appearance of him, before that. I'm really sorry if I've just missed something!
Author's Response: Do you know, you're the first person to realize that!? There is a chapter missing and I never knew! That really sucks, know wonder there was some confusion about he ended up where he did. Talk about a pivotal chapter. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for pointing that out for me! :D
Date: 09/16/11 11:40 am Title: Chapter 3
Yowch, that sounded like it hurt. I love how Tom's positive demeanor made him the favorite! He's such a good kid, huh.
Author's Response: Tom's pretty good with people, despite some of his discipline issues.
Date: 09/11/11 04:00 am Title: Chapter 6
[I'm bad, I kept reading anyway.]
At this point I'm a little confused. Why did Master Gordon recognize Tom, why are they boarding up the banquet hall, and why was Tom lurking around there in the first place?
Author's Response: It was a very brief explanation; you might have missed it if you were reading too fast. Gordon didn't recognize Tom, one of his men came forward and told him who Tom was. It would have been big news that Tom survived his accident and chances are that someone in that room recognized him and spoke up. I dunno, I just woke and am typing on my phone's versy small key board so it probably doesn't make much more sense. And hey, at leasst it's Saturday night, right? :D
Date: 09/11/11 03:32 am Title: Chapter 4
I am soooooooooo in love with this story already. You have created a whole world so perfectly - there's not so much information that I'm overwhelmed, nor a lack of information such that I'm confused. Tom's character is vibrant and relatable and I almost forgot that Bill was supposed to make an eventual entrance because I got so wrapped up in reading about him.
And Bill...wow. The description of his dance was gorgeous and so captivating, I felt the same shock and awe Tom did. I want to stay up all night reading this but alas it's already 3:30 AM and I ought to sleep, so I'll leave this review and pick up again tomorrow. :)
Date: 09/11/11 02:33 am Title: Chapter 2
Tom is free like the wind! Such a lovely thought. Reading this is like watching a movie in my head- you describe their world so vividly. It's wonderful! I really love a mischievous Tom~
I was surprised when the Dean admitted that the fault lie with the school's methods rather than with Tom. That's rare for adults to admit they're not in the right. Respect to the Dean!
Author's Response: The Dean's a pretty good guy, isn't he? I just couldn't make everyone mean and callous. There are good people in the world too.
It's cool that you see it as a movie in your head because that's how I saw it to write it down. I could see it very clearly which made it easier to write down. I love mischievous Tom too! Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 09/11/11 02:14 am Title: Chapter 1
What a magical introduction! It set the mood for the story. Such a lovely idea, that the air tells you things! I'm sure the wind has a lot to say, traveling so far.
Author's Response: I have an idea of just how much the wind says, that people aren't sensitive enough to hear. There's not much more involving that in this story but it will definitely be included in the sequel.
Date: 09/10/11 06:41 pm Title: Chapter 28
For me it came out of left field. Before the Big bang I had never heard of you, I didn't even know you existed; I read it on a fluke. And I was completely wowed! This story was AMAZING! Like really Amazing! The story line, the characters and the world they lived in were just right. I read it with a single minded focus, to get to the end; I'm going to have to go back and read it again to get more details and to "get to know" this story a little better. I'm going to have to read your other work to get to know you a little better. The one things I would have liked to see more of was more development of secondary and supporting characters; I think that you are a strong enough author to develop a stronger network of background characters to deepen the plot and story line. But the world you created just blew me away, it was just the right mixture of alternate world/future/past/magical elements that it felt believable. I would not be surprised to see a sequel where Bill begins to talk and Tom becomes a Priest and saves/frees/liberates the air mages!
Author's Response: I don't really blame you for not knowing who I am ^.^ I'm not exactly a prolific author and my stories here are largely incomplete. I certainly don't have any that I care about as much as I care about this one. I'm glad I got you hooked on it. I hope, when you go back through it, that you discover some of the nuances I tried to weave into it. I do regret not developing the secondary characters more. It just didn't work itself in there the way I'd hoped. Most of them will be explored further in the sequel, which will also address some of the other things you mentioned :D It's started, hopefully it will one day be finished also.
Date: 09/10/11 11:20 am Title: Chapter 1
wow, beautiful imagery. i love the feeling this story has so far, it's so magical and just the right amount of vague. i am definitely intrigued!
Author's Response: Awesome! I'm glad you like it so far. I hope you enjoy the rest of it as much as the first chapter!
Date: 09/10/11 09:27 am Title: Chapter 28
I absolutely adored this story the whole way through. You especially managed to keep up the secrecy and the mystery right the way through the story. Even as bits and pieces were uncovered there was still always enough there to keep me wanting to know what happened next and what had happened to them before.
*faves*
Author's Response: That's good, I'm glad you enjoyed the mystery and suspense! Thank you so much for taking a moment to leave me a review! I super appreciate it :D
Date: 09/07/11 01:29 pm Title: Chapter 28
(reply) Oh gosh, I'm sorry for... for lack of better words, having the 'wrong reaction' to ch26. I should probably say now that I have a very weird sense of humor. I've yet to meet anyone in life with the same (though my best friend comes close). Well, I don't *want* you to rewrite that chapter, but I guess if you are set on doing so, it's alright.
Also, I never intend to make someone feel bad when indicating things to be corrected. I'm sorry if I came off as annoying or mean.
Author's Response: I don't really WANT to rewrite ch 26, I'm just afraid that it's in any way unrealistic or unbelieveable. I'm definitely not offended by knowing where my spelling and grammar mistakes are ^.^ I may have to beg you for beta help if/when the sequel is finished :D
Date: 09/07/11 03:03 am Title: Chapter 28
If that was the Gs and Natalie who showed up at the end of the last chapter, I wonder how they picked their way back to that seemingly blocked-off part of the city. Might've been rescuer men, though. I guess there *was* a way.
who's hair was streaming in the wind. > whose*
Bill hadn't so much as look interested in him since they were rescued. No touching beyond brief brushes that could be written off as mere friendship. No lingering looks, filled with heat or desire or lust. -- Hmm...
"Is that what's got you down?" Tom asked sadly. -- Well, I don't know what 'that' is...
The lascivious grin that spread slowly across Bill's face was positively sinful. -- Omg XD That made *me* grin all mischievously.
@ending: Eeeee! How sweet! :D
Hehe, wow, I say, that was a very good story. One of those amazing ones where you almost forget you're on a fanfic site, and you're just... so involved in what's happening in the plot.
Sorry, I'm bad at closure. But, uh, hmm. Yeah, that was a treat to read. I actually hadn't intended on commenting on each chapter, but when you suggested it, I thought that would be a good thing to do, hehe.
(I still don't know what Bill was writing on the glass XD)
Yay! *heart*
Author's Response: It was actually quite interesting to read your comments. I looked for them every morning when I woke up, unfortunately because you must be sitting down to read when I go to bed. I'm going to have to go back and make all the changes you suggested. That's what I get for not having a beta I suppose. I have never written in present tense before but I was betaing a story for someone else on the site, who does write in present tense, and somehow I switched tenses in random scenes. I thought I gone back and gotten all of it so every time I saw one that you caught, I wanted to slap myself.
Well, I am glad you enjoyed reading my story and that I could make you forget you were on a fanfic site for a moment. Your reviews have been wonderful and enlightening. I'll have to go back and look at chapter 26 again, though.
The manuscript of what Bill was writing is in Tom's coat pocket ^.^ He saved it and thus it shall reappear in the sequel. I just have to write it now.
Date: 09/07/11 02:45 am Title: Chapter 27
about six feet from their prone bodies -- Eep!
:/ Looks like they're stuck.
reminding him that they need water > needed*
About the grandmother not telling "them", it would be helpful for comprehension if you said "his parents" or "the others".
Hehe, I liked Tom shaping the clouds. That was really nice :3
*gasp* People.