Date: 09/03/11 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 10
WHAT??!! THE FUCK!!? They do this every fire mage? O.o Not sane.
Author's Response: Every single one. Sad isn't it?
Date: 09/03/11 01:57 pm Title: Chapter 11
Tom leaned against the stone railing and studies the landscape. > studied*
Hehe, I forget exactly what the redness in the sky means. One means there will be a storm...
Oh geez, Tom. Charming info out of a girl.
So Bill is just... "kept" in the banquet hall? Does he even have any sort of quarters?
Author's Response: Bill does of a place to sleep... sort of. Tom does actually peek inside but there isn't much there. He's young, inexperienced, and largely clueless but he still knows how to use his looks to get what he wants.
Date: 09/03/11 01:40 pm Title: Chapter 10
How cruel ;.; I cannot *believe* they're so prejudiced! They're the same as them, element controllers!
It's the only fire in the entire world that could become hot enough to make a bracelet that would not melt, no matter what a fire mage tried." -- Ugh, so that's what they were doing.
find his absolution at the bottom a bottle > at the bottom of 'a'/'the' bottle
The Firedancer's kind of like a phantom. Always lurking around.
Author's Response: Yes, yes they are. Sigh. And yes, yes he is. The Firedancer doesn't really have anywhere else to go.
Date: 09/03/11 01:13 pm Title: Chapter 9
Oh my goodness O_O I wonder where they even retrieved all those fire mages. Living in the city, I guess?
the only fire that remained perfectly unaffected by the assault was one burning steadily on the massive hearth > I think comprehension would be increased if it said 'the one burning', because then it would imply it has been referred to before, and the reader could guess which it is.
Kinda concerned for everyone in the room, with those mages throwing fire around. Obviously including the mages themselves.
(Oh, yeah. At the top I think 'and' is supposed to be removed here: thuds of flesh and against flesh)
Yeah.. this scene is madness :O
Oh! Jem :( Yeah, he's Gordon's friend.
It's... bemusedly ironic how Tom is basically on both sides.
Author's Response: I love hearing your comments. And thank you for pointing out these little mistakes, I had a beta for the first 5 chapters but the rest of it was entirely me. Since I knew what I meant to say, I read right over a lot of the mistakes and typos. So thanks again!
Date: 09/03/11 04:57 am Title: Chapter 8
What exactly is being done to the banquet hall? I must not have caught that.
Mm, these sentences seem contradicting: Where it once burned tall, it now burned low. But then it says: "Never once did that fire burn low.
He *is* referring to the central "important" fire, isn't he?
And geez, 'paranoid' doesn't even cover it XD Gordon's acting incredibly and unexpectedly weird.
It's almost like Bill's a slave :/
Author's Response: Oh, they're building a blacksmith in the banquet hall for reasons yet unknown in Chapter 8. You'll find out why soon though. You're right about those sentences. That first one needs to be deleted. It probably got left over from when I rewrote the scene. Oops. Yes... Gordon is paranoid but he has good reason to be. Poor Bill...
Date: 09/02/11 05:06 pm Title: Chapter 7
Oh my gosh, hehe. I thought those gaping holes were something bad, like an entrance to some other realm XD And it turns out to be a method of transferring.
Woah, that is a bit of a surprise as to the reason Gordon wants Tom.
'What a fire mage could or couldn't do'? Does that mean... Now I'm thinking that the Firedancer/Bill is the only fire mage in the world...
Author's Response: Ooo.... you'll just have to wait to find out, won't you? :)
Date: 09/02/11 05:02 pm Title: Chapter 6
I wonder if, besides being too tired, Tom was also in disbelief to feel any happiness that he did it. Sometimes something happens and it's almost a surreal thing.
*agrees with Tom's answer at the end*
Date: 09/02/11 04:55 pm Title: Chapter 5
One thing I don't understand... How did Tom start working in the vicinity of Gordon to begin with? Because he saw an opportunity to use that new cleaning skill?
*nods* I can understand how putting a fire out with air would be hard. Unless it's a candle, it's just flares.
Gustav was hauling a pretty and giggling barmaid into his lap -- I thought I read that wrong XDD GUSTAV, a ladies' man? XD
That last bit made me all squeamish. I thought there was going to be some sort of crush involving Natalie.
Author's Response: Tom is a very curious youth. He works under Gordon's nose because he wants to know what they're doing very badly. Besides, he needs a bit of a challenge and not getting caught doing something he shouldn't is a really good challenge.rnrnI like to portray Gustav as a quiet and observant guy, very sharp. However, I think it's important to include little moments that show he's just a regular guy. Besides, I think it's funny :D
Date: 09/02/11 04:51 pm Title: Chapter 4
LOL. This Cynthia is kinda clumsy.
And that's pretty low... for that kid to unravel Tom's tunic. That's just... it's such a petty thing to do. Takes a bit of effort to do that, I would assume, just to make Tom mad.
Lol, again, I couldn't quite visualize Bill's -- excuse me, the Firedancer's performance, but the colors and sparks were amazing.
(I think I'm always going to vaguely think of Fyredancer the author whenever I see that word XD)
Author's Response: I think of Fyredancer too. I kind of want her to read it, just because of her namesakern^.^
Date: 09/02/11 04:43 pm Title: Chapter 3
Lol, I was quite surprised that he was placed in the blacksmith's, too.
And ack! Right when Tom even noticed that shelf I knew it was a bad idea >.< Honestly, even though I see this story is upwards of 20 chapters, in that moment I thought Tom was gonna die.
Hehe, I have to say, all this element-controlling is strongly reminding me of the series Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Author's Response: I have to admit, this whole story started off as a what-if moment at the end of The Last Airbender. Even though that's where the idea came from, I tried not to make it a rip off. rnrnI'm glad you were afraid for his life, that means I'm doing my job ;-)
Date: 09/02/11 02:27 pm Title: Chapter 2
Hmm, I've always been bad at visualizing architecture, so I can't really fathom what a city would look like built into a cliff. I don't suppose you have a picture? :3
Grr, and I am very against corporeal punishment for children.
I think this change in pace will be good for Tom.
Author's Response: I confess, I'm an architecture student and I really love visualizing crazy stuff like that. I've thought about drawing pictures for this and now that I'm done writing, I might be able too! rnrnTom's punishment isn't very effective for him but all in all the whole situation will be a good change for him. Can I expect a review per chapter? That's exciting!
Date: 09/02/11 01:44 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh my goodness. This looks intriguing.
Author's Response: It is isn't it? I hope you enjoy reading it!
Date: 09/02/11 10:37 am Title: Chapter 28
Zomg, I just spent the last few hours reading this entire story! It was amazing! I'm at a lost for better words to describe how much I love this story.
XD
Author's Response: Yay! My first review! I had to keep telling myself that I wrote a really long story and it would take people awhile to get through it all. I'm super glad you liked it! Hopefully I'll manage to write the sequel ^.^