Date: 11/20/13 05:39 pm Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
it's too bad that many of us take the easy way, the safe way when it comes to love...i would like to think that's not me...but, in the end, it is...
Date: 01/08/12 11:38 pm Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
I think the only reason I didn't cry with this one was because the first one in this series made me strong enough to withstand the pain. It was so beautiful, and I kept having to take half-sobbing breaths so that I could keep reading it. I haven't read a story where they kept away from each other to keep each other safe before (I'm sure there are plenty of them, but I haven't read them), and this really tore at my heart because I know that if they really were in love with each other, they'd have to keep apart or keep it secret, and since keeping it secret would probably be impossible, they'd basically just have to keep apart. I like that Bill adopted a girl, and I love that Tom A. had twins (poetic justice) and B. divorced his wife. I know that's not fair of me, considering how hard that must have been on everyone involved, but I still like that he decided to be truthful eventually. This was very well done, and I can't wait to read more of your stories (which is why I won't XD).
Author's Response:
At least the first story, heartache and endless crying was good for something, then ;)
I do want to tell you I completely agree with you, though. In my head, if the twins ever did realise they love each other more than, you know, they already do, they would have to stay apart. I mean, living so close to someone you love like that, not being able to be with them, that would be too hard. Better to stay away and suffer the pain in silence, right? Being confronted with it evey single day would slowly kill you, but staying away you could always imagine they were happy and that would ease the suffering.. At least, that's what I think.
Tom did go through a lot to get to this point, yes, but I think that's what he had to do to make peace with himself. Now he can start living again, of sorts. Being honest with one self is always the most important thing. It makes living easier :)
Oh, and finally I would like to thank you for all of your lovely reviews! I love hearing poeple´s thoughts and reactions to my stories! And your reviews were truly touching. Thank you! :)
Date: 12/30/11 08:20 am Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
this is such a sad story!
Author's Response: Yeah...it didn't get much better either, did it? But at least Tom found some sort of peace in the end :)
Date: 06/30/11 10:58 am Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
Hey, here I am writing another review. Finally I'm done reading "It's my secret no one knows", it was really necessary you write this, lots of things have been answered with it. You know? before I started reading this, I had to calm down, take a deep breath and I also had to repeat to myself a couple of times: “It's just fiction, it's just fiction", my little sister was seated next to me, and she was staring at me with a questioning look, I can swear she was thinking: "What the hell is going on with her? The bigger she gets, more stupid she becomes", and I wouldn’t blame her if she did, ‘cause I gotta admit that I tend to be a drama queen most of time.
Oh, God If you had seen the fucked-up face I had while reading, you would have laughed of me, really. I didn’t want to hear a single noise, so I told everyone to shut the fuck up, I know it was very rude and that’s why now I’m grounded, but I don’t really care. On the bright side, now I’ll have more time for reading, because they said: No going out for a week, but they didn’t mention anything about reading xD Well, I think I wrote so much about myself now let’s go to the point, I mean, my review for the story.
I had wondered throughout the night, if Tom at some point felt the same way Bill did, and after reading the sequel, I realize that he did, maybe he loved him more than Bill could've ever imagined, but it's a pity that he never told him while he still was alive. I tried hard to hold back my tears and I almost succeeded on doing it, but at the end I couldn’t.
I bursted into tears, when Tom started talking to Bill's headstone and said: "...I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for not fighting for you, for not trying to make you stay. I'm sorry for not going after you ..." it killed me.
What a beautifully sad story! I sent it right to my favourites. Once again, I need to tell you that you are a talented writer, and you did what no one ever dared to do, you separated Bill & Tom and then you killed Bill! So, that's what took me aback, 'cause I'm not used to imagine Bill far away from Tom. Anyway you did an awesome job, these kind of stories with no happy ending are my favourites after all. Kisses and bear hugs for you, Ainee!
Author's Response:
Hello! *waves*
Okay, so I'm really happy to hear you thought the sequel necessary - I was so worried it would ruin the first story completely. But, now that it's done I'm quite content with the way things turned out. It was difficult to write and I had a hard time separating the two, but I sort of got throught the worst bit in the first story and after that I just had to get rid of Bill completely.. *snickers* Yeah, okay, that was kind of mean. But, that's life, you know, it tends to be a bitch ;)
You know, I was laughing so hard over how you were snapping at everyone while reading it and ended up getting grounded for it - I do the exact same thing! Though, there's no one here to ground me. I remember when I was spending last summer at my parens' place, I would coop up in the guest room and not come out for hours. If someone came in to disturb me I would kick them out and lock the door *grins* I do believe reading fanfiction turns us all into drama queens, we're too good at putting ourselves in the boys' place and relate to their feelings. I catch myself repeating "It's only fanfiction" as a mantra quite often too..
I guess the answer to all your questions were 'yes, Tom did in fact love Bill too'.. It's just a shame they never got around to telling each other, isn't it? I'm not sure if it's what you want to hear, but in my head, I think Tom actually loved Bill more than Bill loved Tom. Does that even make any sense? I just think Tom was better at keeping his feelings locked up, though Bill did quite an excellent job at that too.
I'm sorry I made you cry. It's not like I write stories with the intention of making people cry, but I do believe that it's a huge compliment and I find it rather rewarding to hear I've managed to affect people so greatly they're brought to tears. It's a small personal 'win' and though I don't mean to, I'm actually very pleased when people tell me I made them cry :p
Finally, thank you so much! I always get this stupid grin on my face when people tell me one of my stories are on their favourites list :D And I can't say anything more than that I'm honoured you think I'm a talented writer - It's one of my favourite hobbies, so to hear you think I have a knack for it is simply..wow.. Thanks! I'm so glad you liked the story - thank you again for this lovely review. Lots of love to you too, MitzaBlake! :)
Date: 06/27/11 06:57 pm Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
I am happy that you decided to post the sequel after all. I loved it and it made the story as a whole so much more rounded and bearable to stomach down which might sound quite odd given the fact sequel was equally heartbreaking as the original story but now I, as a reader, got my cathartic release and the story of Bill and Tom got finally it's resolution, the circle closed and tragedy of their sacrificed love could be better understood.
I was happy to see what direction you took and how it all ended. It left an ache in me, it hurt quite a lot in fact but real life bites sometimes, really bad at that and your story portrayed just that beautifully. And it made me think too, really hard... about difficult life decisions we make, about motives behind them, about courage and strength to carry on living, about consequences of our choices we have to live with for the rest of our lives.
What I found the most difficult to read in your story was the communication route Bill and Tom decided to take with each other. How they both lulled themselves into believing that they spared the other one the heartache and misery by keeping their "secret" for themselves when in fact they did the direst opposite. They loved each other so much and in name of that love they denied themselves it's fulfillment which is plain CRAZY but also so understandable ... people being afraid of asking for and getting what they want and need most. Sacrificing your own love for the sake of making someone else "happy" is a very romantic and noble notion but it hardly ever works. In a story like yours I am really bleeding for Bill and his inability to have courage to be honest with Tom even if he had to risk losing him because in the end he lost him anyways. As for Tom, he was just afraid I guess, and then it was too late. I am glad he found his peace in the end nevertheless.
This story was truly beautiful!!!
Author's Response:
I'm so happy to hear that! I was so afraid of posting the sequel, though I can't really explain why. As a matter of fact I wrote this not long after I finished the first part, but something in me kept me from posting it. I can't really explain it better than that I was afraid it would spoil the first story. Still, now that I'm here I'm glad I did. It was a tough thing to get through, especially 'cause I killed Bill, but also because Tom was aching over a matter that could have been solved years ago if he'd only had the courage. Still, his fears were just - telling Bill how he felt could have ruined their relationship all together or bring about a whole new set of problems.. In Bill's case, well, he honestly thought he did the right thing.
I think letting the boys get together and work through this issue would have been the easy way to go with this story and that wasn't what I was going for. I wanted to leave you guys with this feeling of frustration, that they couldn't be brave enough to face their fears, and a sense of sadness for the boys who sacrificed their own happiness in belief that if would be the better thing to do for the other. And trust me, I probably found it just as hard to write as you have found it to read. But it was a pain I needed to describe. And, somehow, I wanted to show that despite all the hurt and turmoil they went through, they both found a sense of peace. Bill through his work, but also through his love for the orphaned girl; Tom through his children and finally being honest with himself.
I don't really know what else to say to your amazing review. I've actually read it several times, wondering what to say to it. I came up empty. Thank you so much! Honestly, I'm amazed I can affect people in this way through my stories, and moreover have them reflect over the consequences of our choices. I find that the most intriguing part about life, how every choice we make has an effect on our future. Even the smallest decision can turn out to be life-changing in the end. But, in continuation of that, I do believe it's important not to get too hung up on the fact; it could turn any man (or woman) insane. I firmly believe one should not regret anything, despite where it leads you. It's important we learn from our mistakes, no matter how painful it is.
And just like that I ventured into my own little philosophical bubble.. I'm sorry. Anyway, I just really wanted to thank you for your lovely review, I truly appreciate it! I'm so happy you enjoyed this little story of mine :)
Date: 06/19/11 07:43 am Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
There you go. All my questions answered.
As promised, I read the sequel, which I find amazing. If I have to judge this by the amount of tears I shed, it is not so intense and sad as No, I dont think of you.
Sometimes I dont read the sequels, they are not needed. But in this case, although you said you will not write it, I am so glad you did. It closes a circle, it answers questions and soothes. Yes, with all the painful details, lost love, estrangement and death.
I liked the way they both chose trains to get them to their lost loves. It is so much more romantic (what a choice of word from me, but it is a love story, after all!!!) and it delays to a maximum the moment of confrontation, plus it offers a space for insight (which you used perfectly).
I loved the way they both thought the sun shouldnt shine any more, like a reflection of their inner state.
I avoided this story for a long time, this is how much I thought it will affect me, and now I am so glad I read it. It is sweet, true, so painful and brilliant. I can fully understand why you had to get it out of you.
And I am so happy this is just fiction.
Very good work.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you decided to read the sequel - mostly because I knew it would answer a lot of questions. What the hell was Tom thinking, acting the way he did? Well, there you go, that was what he was thinking.. ;) Yeah, this is definitely not as sad as the first one, and I think it's basically because it's more of a "the calm after the storm" sort of thing. The twins had their confrontation in the previous story, and now it was time to make peace..
I understand how you feel about sequels, though, I often have it the same way. Sometimes the sequel is crucial to the story, to fully understand it, but a lot of the time I feel it's just the authors way of dragging the story on and on, in lack of anything better to do. Though, that happens a lot within stories too, they just keep going even after it's actually done, and it annoyes me immensly.. I'm relieved you didn't feel this was one of them. I had a really hard time deciding wether I should write/post this story or not, but in the end I felt it was necessary to give it a proper ending and not just a "now what" thing, as the last story.. It was tough getting through, though - I hated killing Bill! :/
I love the train! Actually, I'd hardly ever been on one until a couple of years ago, but now it's my perferred way of travelling. I love the freedom you have to move around as you wish, but still having the opportunity to watch the world passing by.. I guess it is quite romatic (and I'm not a huge fan of that word). At least, from personal experience, it does provide you with a lot of time to think. I guess I do tend to put myself in my stories, as I found it quite easy to relate to the feelings Tom (and Bill in the first part) was going through, wanting to put off the moment of arrival, but heading toward it nonetheless.
So I guess, after all is said and done, I'm thrilled you decided to read the sequel - I know how you really didn't want to! ;) Thank you! There is little that bring me the same amount of pleasure as the knowledge I made someone do something they didn't want to, and enjoy it! :p
Trust me, you're not the only one who's glad this is just fiction.. This happening in real life - it would break my heart.
Date: 05/22/11 01:06 pm Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
My... That was so heartbreaking, utterly beautiful and touching, really but it doesn't make it less heartbreaking :(
Amazing job. I loved it to bits :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)
Date: 05/22/11 04:49 am Title: Part I - Longing for the way we used to be
*sniff*
You owe me a hug for making me read this :(
It's well written though.
Author's Response: I never made you, but I'll give you a hug anyway! ;) Thank you sweetie! :D
Date: 05/21/11 09:39 pm Title: Part II - May you rest in peace my beloved
Yeap, you made it again. I'm gonna promess you that I will translate the first part and then this one if you let me do it. They are such a beautiful and sad sotry.
As a matter of fact... I cried, a lot :) Isn't that what comes after you feel our heart being crush against your ribcage?
Thanks for making me feel, gorgeous
Author's Response:
Of course I'll let you! :) I'm just happy you like them enough to want to! :D
Yes, I do think that's what comes after your heart's been shattered.. Though, tears aren't always bad, and heartache isn't either - it let us know we're alive ;)
Oh, you are welcome, honey! I'm glad I could be of service ;)
Date: 05/21/11 03:06 am Title: Part I - Longing for the way we used to be
Well you can really trigger emotions in such a fictional story....man like I'm dying to know that they would reconcile after 20 years then this hits me that even in his funeral he never shows himself there? then he would make up for him on what? damn you realy had a mind in turmoil....LOL....I'll keep on track you really catch my attention and I know that's good....hear from you soon k....:D
Author's Response: I never promised a happy ending.. No, Tom couldn't bring himself to go to Bill's funeral, he didn't feel he was allowed, nor did he have the strength In his opinion he betrayed his brother and is beyond forgiveness.. But, twenty years later, perhaps he can find it in him to, at least, forgive himself? We'll see.. ;) I'm really happy to hear I caught you attention - that is definitely good! :D See you soon!
Date: 05/20/11 12:09 pm Title: Part I - Longing for the way we used to be
I remembere the first part of this story. I haven't been able to translate it, mostly because of my time but there is this huge emotional wave that comes with this.
And here, you have killed him, I don't know what to think
Author's Response:
That's all right! That's always the problem, isn't it? Finding the time.. If I'd had the time I would write more, but alas...
What can I say? I'm evil - I killed Bill! *snorts* It hurt like hell, I'll tell you that, though, but it was sort of necessary..
Date: 05/16/11 10:34 am Title: Part I - Longing for the way we used to be
I gotta hate you for this.
I hated you (well you know that love-hate kind of thing) when you wrote the No, I Don't Think of You. It broke my heart. It made me cry.
And now this.
I don't really like reading stuffs with no Happy Endings and with character deaths, but Hell. Just because it's you, and you wrote this, and I've read the first one...
Oh, my love for you. Why do you torture us, so??
I could feel Tom's grief, it really hurts my heart... Especially on the part he was listening to their song, and the way he would imagine Bill's reactions and such... And when in the end he kept saying no, Bill wouldn't to see him... It so. Fucking. Hurts. How could you torture us readers like this??T____T
Going back to my lair and cry some more. And wait for the next update and be the masochistic me and go emo again...
Author's Response:
I'm sorry! But in my defence, I never promised a happy ending! And you know you love me! :p
I never intended to make people cry (well, maybe just a little bit), I just felt this story needed some sort of closure. You know, let you guys know how this whole thing was for Tom. Because you know, there's two sides to everything.. It does hurt him a lot, but just imagine if you lost your twin, you love, and never got to say 'goodbye' or 'I'm sorry', that would be eating up at you from the inside forever... He's definitely a tormented man, and this is his journey to make peace, not just with himself, but with his brother too :)
Aaaaah, you have a lair?! Damn, that is so cool, I want one too! XD Next update will be...uhm, soon? Man, I don't know when, but probably sometime this week, if I find the time.. Fuck my life for being so busy! And please (and I mean pretty please with cherry on top) don't go masochistic emo over this! :( I don't like it when people are hurting themselves, and this is definitely not worth it! It's just a story you know, it's not real ;) And yeah, I know that came out quite patronizing, but it wasn't meant like that..
Anyway, I'm so happy to see you back here! I have missed your rambling! :D Welcome and, again, I'm so very, very sorry! ;)