Date: 09/17/11 03:43 am Title: I hate that I need you so
I'm glad Tom is at least thinking about the kiss..great chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you so much :) I've been suffering from terrible writer's block lately but, hopefully, I'll have the next update up soon.
Date: 08/30/11 10:35 pm Title: His first time on the edge
I tried sending this to u on tumblr but it wanted to be annoying..the lion king is my favorite movie so when you used it in CoP I almost died..The cow joke with Bill was so cute. But that fight Bill and Tom had I was so sad but when Tomi kissed Bill I was ecstatic!! Georg finally got his fair share. Lol. And I can't believe what Bill did! Walked into traffic! Good thing Georg was there! And Gustav my my getting feisty. But he is doing the right thing for Bill and No tom can't distance himself he'll only make it worse on Bill.
Author's Response: I was listening to one of the songs from that movie when I was writing, so I thought I?d add it xD
Yup, about time we had some Hobbit goodness... As for Bill, he's going slightly insane. Only slightly. It's getting to the point where it's hard to handle the bottled up feelings.
Date: 08/30/11 03:45 pm Title: Position unknown, loneliness hurts
Don't worry baby... You know about my stamina, don't you? ;)
Date: 08/30/11 11:02 am Title: His first time on the edge
Oh God... I was like 'Is he really gonna do it?? IS HE GONNA GET HIT BY THE CARS?? OMG!!' This had me on edge... Can't wait for the next chapter, liebe..
Author's Response: Sorry Wolfy, do not strain your heart xD
Date: 08/30/11 10:42 am Title: His first time on the edge
I had words that I was collecting to comment on this chapter, but I lost them as soon as Hägen saved the day. Then I just was like this:
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmcqanQFGX1qii6tmo1_250.gif
und dann
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpxp3fsJP21qii6tmo1_500.gif
for the rest of the chapter. It's getting sooooo good (I mean, it was good before but it's getting better and better as you go along. So all I can do is scream with excitement as I eagerly await the next chapter! TOM, PLEASE DON'T PULL AWAY! *is crying melodramatically*
Author's Response: Unicornland applied to THF xD *hands tissues*
Date: 08/30/11 03:56 am Title: His first time on the edge
Yay! I was happy when Georg saved the day :)
But ack! Bill is truly going to wish for death if Tom goes through with this... "pulling away" >.< D':
Author's Response: That's what happens when they're both blockheads and refuse to open up to each other, for fear of what the other may think... I blame society :p
Date: 08/30/11 02:25 am Title: His first time on the edge
I don't even know how to start, I feel like all I can do is mash the keyboard in reaction to this chapter.
Ohh, twin-fight. This was inevitable. There is only two ways to ease the pressure between the two of them, and the other way isn't likely to happen soon. Especially since Tom doesn't seem to be able to read the signs right. Bill was responding, dammit! Tom shouldn't let other people's opinions get in the way of things. He needs to remember that, in the end, he knows Bill better than anyone. They came so close to... something, but Tomi had to go and run away. That is never the answer to problems. *shakes Tom*
That's not to say that Bill is innocent. They both really need to remember how to communicate.
Despite the spoiler, the park trip still had me hiding behind my hands. That Bill even considered that... Oh gott, my heart. I almost hit my head on the computer screen because I wanted to jump in and stop him. I was very, very glad when Georg stopped him. I couldn't believe that Bill almost attacked him.
Georg and Gustav's concern is so spot on. Of course a shrink wouldn't work. If Bill can't even talk about it with Tom, there's no way he could talk about it to anyone else. Their helplessness is kind of like a reflection of the reader. They know something is going on, though maybe not as much as the reader does, but can't do anything to help with it.
*shakes Tom again* Communicate! Gustav is practically throwing the issue at you! Why must stubbornness run so thick with the Kaulitz boys? He is running away and not confronting the issue, not realizing that if he did it would be so much easier to resolve.
Now with this revelation, trying to stay further away from Bill, I feel almost afraid to read the next chapter. D: Yet I am addicted to your words, and yet again I can only end with saying that I cannot wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: In antecipation, I apologize to the poor keyboard for the abuse inflicted...
Remember how I told you there were two people rolling on the floor and exchanging punches? Now you know :p They're actually both reading the signs wrong... Bill sees Tom's approach as something out of pity and/or sexual desire only, while Tom thinks Bill's outbursts are out of disgust/confusion/emotional pain caused by him. And the respective insight is the worst thing for each of them to deal with; hence all the running away and hesitating.
Bill's attacking Georg was definitely out of insanity. It was that momentary urge when you are so mad/frustrated, you need to destroy something and the poor Hobbit happened to be just at hand. Bill "himself" knows that's totally fucked up though, he still has the conscience of what he's doing and when he needs to stop. At least for now.
And Herr Schäfer has taken charge, now... I think we all know what this means. Shit's gonna hit the fan, one way or the other xD
Date: 08/17/11 09:33 pm Title: Where the rain won't hurt
I have been so excited to read this chapter, pretty much since the last one. I hope I can contain myself long enough to type cohesively.
'FLUFF!' Was my first reaction at the beginning, and then, '...Wait, fluff?' Not that I'm complaining, not at all. That fluffy camping flashback was a welcome interlude- it really set the angst factor up to eleven for the rest of the chapter. Plus, I am such a sucker for cute kiddie!twins interaction.
The transition onto the next scene was so clean, it worked perfectly. I loved the imagery you used, of Bill watching the rain and reminiscing. I pictured it so clearly. Bill, curled up at the window, probably smoking, watching the storm drench the world like a softer reflection of his own inner turmoil. It's an image that is easy to get immersed in. (It helps that I also had a rain sounds website open. xD)
I can't deny that I was grimacing while Tom and Georg were having their talk about girls. When the weight thing cropped up I had an idea as to what it was going to lead to, though I didn't realize quite how far Bill was going to take it. I was really hoping Natalie would press a bit more about the issue, but I suppose that she really wouldn't have a reason. Not with Bill being so good at covering his tracks.
It' so awful bearing witness to his descent into even further self loathing and destruction. And this next step is even more dangerous. With his minimal food intake and the harm he keeps inflicting on himself, he is going to wear down quickly. I feel like I am going to need to hide behind my hands as I read further on. D:
I am intrigued to see that Gustav has caught on to... something. He may not know exactly what it is yet, but he knows something is going down. I have a feeling the next few chapters are going to get even more intense (is that even possible?) now that he is suspicious. He even said that himself, more or less. I just really hope that someone figures out what's going on soon.
Author's Response: Fairyyyyyyyyy I was missing your awesomest reviews <3 Let's see, then...
I wanted to confuse the readers a little 8D As in: they start reading, realize it's about wittle twins and be like "...wtf is this the right fic?" And then, suddenly, all the fluff is gone and we're back to poor Billa's hell hole.
The whole watching the rain scene was a bit cliché... But I had the idea of the flashback prior to it, so I needed something to kind of continue it in the present time. Therefore, le watching the rain xD
I tried to picture what a boys' talk about girls would be like... I kinda can see Tom and Georg being like that in reality lol. Tom does seem to be really obnoxious, at times :p And Nati, it's just like you have said. Bill played his part, so she really had no reason to insist - since she's oblivious to 99% of the issue.
By now, I think it's rather easy to see Bill is not okay. To an observer it may seem illogical and even too dramatic, but to him it makes sense. He has no one to share his burden with, because he's fully convinced he'll be judged for his feelings, and keeping it to himself is really consuming him. And he's acting upon the only solutions he can come up with. To him, it's much easier to harm himself than to deal with, eventually, losing Tom. And, with me as the authoress, you just know angst galore is assured ;D
And Herr Schäfer... I could only see him as the one getting the pieces together. He's the rational one. He's suspicious now and so is Georg a little bit, so they'll be keeping a closer eye on Bill. AND SPEAKING OF WHICH. Next chapter will, finally, have some Hobbit introspection :3
Date: 08/16/11 10:40 am Title: Where the rain won't hurt
Wow mein liebe... I am so hooked... *le trying not to bite recently manicured nails*
Author's Response: I have yet to tell you about the dream I had about us two together :'D
*pulls hands away* No giving me bad examples...
Date: 08/15/11 09:44 pm Title: Where the rain won't hurt
Mein gott the angst in this sentence "What the vocalist wasn’t sure of, anymore, was for how long he would be capable of keep running through it."
I love it!
And Gusti the detective!
Author's Response: Gustav fits perfectly in that role, doesn't he? :')
Date: 08/15/11 06:01 pm Title: Where the rain won't hurt
A very quality chapter. I think it's interesting that Gustav caught on. Heh, though, he is often pretty smart is fics.
*gives cinnamon bun*
Author's Response: .............I love cinnamon! *grabby hands*
I tend to look at Gustav just like I portray him in this fic: he's quiet, but he observes everything and, definitely, he knows what he talks about. I figured if there would be someone somewhat able to realize what Bill is doing, it would have to be him :3 He's just missing the main reason...
Date: 08/14/11 01:54 pm Title: I hate that I need you so
I think the phrase that sums up this story so far is: Poor Bill.
This is chockful of angst and it's written soo well :)
Author's Response: haha that is actually accurate xD
Thank you so much, I'm glad you're enjoying it :)
Date: 08/04/11 02:54 am Title: I hate that I need you so
Nice pool sex scene... xD
Author's Response: Glad lover approves :')
Date: 08/04/11 02:49 am Title: Position unknown, loneliness hurts
I've seen this around, so I'm going to give it a try :D
put together with dozens of concerns and dozens of hours > *concerts
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out to me, dear. I am my own beta so, sometimes, I let little typos like that one slip me by - especially when it's something that the spell check won't accuse, either.
Glad you decided to give my fic a chance, hope you can enjoy it :)
Date: 08/04/11 02:12 am Title: I hate that I need you so
:)
Author's Response: Thanks for reading :)
Date: 08/03/11 07:17 pm Title: I hate that I need you so
The joy I felt upon seeing this posted, especially with the GIGANTIC word count attached to it, cannot be expressed. I literally jumped in my chair with excitement.
Starting from the beginning, I felt so bad for Tom. Leaving for a few moments, only to come back and find his previously happy twin tainted with blood and tears. His concern & helplessness were so evident, it was easy to picture him trying to take care of Bill but forgetting the little details. I don't know if it was intentional, but I felt that Bill's lack of reaction sort of contributed to that. Kind of like a machine- if one part isn't functioning properly, the rest of it is also bound to falter. It was a relief when the tension broke, because it was very obviously needed.
It breaks my heart to see Bill thinking that hurting himself is only way to get the attention he so craves from Tom. He should know that is not what Tom would want, but being in love does not often leave room for rationality. Especially when you add on all the extra factors weighing him down.
This line was one of my favorites: "If he’d been perceptive -or lucky?- enough to find the secret formula to make a tiny little bit of his dream come true, he’d definitely go and cling to it for dear life. Perhaps, that way, he’d be able to convert his tears into beautiful, shimmering diamonds."
It was so beautiful, and also sad when considering the context.
Now, onto the later parts...
I have to say, I am of two minds regarding Andi. He may not know exactly why, but he knows that Bill is not in the right state of mind. As Bill's best friend, it was selfish of Andi to let his own feelings get in the way of what he was there to do. He was told flat out that Bill did not love him, yet he persisted on and almost made things worse.
On the other hand, it isn't entirely his fault that he cannot get away. Despite the fact that Bill knows it doesn't compare to what he truly wants, he cannot let go of the warmth that Andi offers. And, despite the close call, Andi did end up helping. Kind of. He knows how to cheer Bill up as only a best friend (with benefits) can. It isn't his fault that he doesn't understand the full scope of Bill's issue.
It's so frustrating to watch Bill and Tom dancing around each other! I think in one of your replies to my review of an earlier chapter, you mentioned that not talking can fuck things up. That is so true for this! They keep trying to sort things out, without actually addressing the twin elephants in the room. It's also one of the biggest things that pulls me in- I want to keep going, because I want to know if they are going to get it together and figure their relationship out!
I don't know if I'm eager or nervous for the next chapter. Probably a bit of both. I want things to work out for the twins so badly, but I know there's still the long hard road out of hell to be dealt with.
Author's Response: IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS OBESELY HUGE, I SWEAR. At least it made up for how long it took me to finish it... Anyway.
Yeah, you're right about Tomi. What scared him the most was how quiet and unresponsive Bill was, because he's definitely not used to it - he's used to Bill always being the loud one. As for Bill... it's the only way he sees, at the moment. It's either that or confessing to Tom, which he would never have the courage to do because he's convinced his twin would totally disown him.
And Andiiiiiii... Yeah, you said it all xD It's the typical case when you love someone too much to let them go, even if they ask you to... And, since he's convinced Bill is lying and just trying to push him away, it only adds to it. He's in the dark for the most part, so he acts based on what Bill lets him see.
Yeah, see what I mean? They pretty much feel the same (only Tom has not come out of his denial yet), but they both also think the other would be disgusted - so they keept it stifled.
Date: 07/29/11 03:01 pm Title: I'm physically, mentally over obsessed with you
Hi, i'm so sorry i couldn't give you my review yesterday i wasn't home all day and i was bad and read COP and i read chapter 5 not moving on to six. I want to read chapter six but there is no 7. You have to get it up soon. Ok i thought chpt. 5 was great. When Bill kissed Tom. I was dying. I was like yes finally. But then i was sad when Tom just left Bill. He was so hurt and alone. I felt his pain. Oh God then when Bill decided he wanted to cut himself. I was crying again. The end was good when Chad just raped Bill's mouth. I was like ok Tomi where do you think you are. You should be coming like any second now. And how you used the song lyrics from rette mich at the end...fantastic...i love this story, you have to hurry! I might explode!
Author's Response: Y U APOLOGIZE. It should be ME being grateful for you taking the time to read and review and, trust me, I am <3
And aw, I'm sorry for making you cry xD It's good that I managed to convey Bill's pain through my words, though; it was my goal.
Thank you so much, once again, sweetie. I will have chapter 7 up as soon as possible <3
Date: 07/24/11 10:37 pm Title: Position unknown, loneliness hurts
So I decided to start reading this story of yours too! And I really like this first chapter as well! Love your writing style and I’m intrigued to read more. It’s really interesting so far. I especially like the scene where Tom was so worried and protective of Bill after he fainted, so adorable! *_* I love you for using the nickname little mouse, so so so cute! And poor Bill, indeed... =(
Author's Response: Thank you so much again, I really appreciate it ;A;
This one has slower updates, since the chapters are longer and the plotline itself is way thicker, as you can already see... I worry a lot about introspection in this one, because I don't want people to get lost in the story and reach chapter 10 thinking "...okay, how did I end up here?"
You're in for some more overprotective Tomi and lots more of "poor Bill" moments, I can assure you :3
Date: 07/21/11 06:14 pm Title: All I feel is strange
another really great chapter. I'm so glad Gustav came to save Bill. I'm glad Tom decided to try to reconnect with Bill too. A few more typos/small mistakes in this chapter. They distract from the wonderful writing. Thanks for the update!
Author's Response: Before anything else, thank you so much, my dear. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read, review and even point out where I can get better. I beta my own works, so it makes it a bit harder to find typos that escape the Word spell checking - since a second person usually can spot things that, to us, go by unnoticed. I'll try to pay more attention to it in the future, though! And, if you ever come across anything too blatant, please let me know - I'm always looking forward to improve my writing.
Again, thanks a alot :)
Date: 07/17/11 11:48 pm Title: All I feel is strange
the detail you add into this fic kills me, i swear. it's powerful and mesmerizing and just...amazing
Author's Response: I'm sorry for killing you so much with the cutting hazards xD