Date: 06/30/11 08:18 pm Title: Take One Step Forward and a Million Back
:O
Date: 06/30/11 05:57 pm Title: Take One Step Forward and a Million Back
:o intence! i cant wait for the next chapter! :D
Date: 06/05/11 05:01 pm Title: Peanut Butter and Lockdown
This story has a lot of potential, and I hope that I don't come across as a bit harsh. I'm a kind soul with pure intentions, really.
Anyway, it feels a bit cloudy, you know? As if you're uncertain about where you're heading and what you want to accomplish with the story. Imagine a lake. The feeling I get is that you're in the middle of the lake, treading water and being absolutely clueless.
I think you have to figure out just exactly what you want. During the timeline of 9 chapters, there have been a very small amount of progress between Jakobe and Tom. I, as a reader, still lack the understanding of Jakobe and her emotional state of mind, as well as some of the other characters. In my opinion, you have to get away from the cloudiness and be a bit more precise about what you want and where you're going. (This can be applied to many areas in life.)
As I said from the beginning, this has a lot of potential. Just be more precise with what you want. Begin every chapter with a goal in mind, like "This chapter, they will talk about this", or "This chapter, Jakobe will let Tom touch her" etc. You get my point.
So... Look, I'm not a nasty person, and I used to write fanfiction as well (in my mother tongue, of course) and I know that getting critisism can be very harsh.
Well, I'll end this with a huge, cosy hug and my deepest respect. I still wish I had the courage to write a story and post it online. And don't worry, practise makes perfect.
-insert happy smiley-face-
Author's Response: please, that was the best advice that i've ever gotten so far. you're 100% right, i'm kind of cloudy on what i want, but in my mind i have this amazing ending that just needs a whole lot of help getting to. i understand what you're saying and i'll try to get to it right from the beginning. thank you so much for your advice. and if you don't mind, is there anyway i could send you my fic before i post it and you can review it beforehand? that would be an amazing help! thank you so much *insert huge hug*
Date: 06/04/11 01:04 pm Title: Peanut Butter and Lockdown
It was great! not bad at all. i enjoyed it alot.
Date: 06/04/11 05:53 am Title: Be Careful
OH MY GOD WTFBBQ, I live in Estonia. So yeah, it freaked the shit out of me upon noticing your summary. o.o
Author's Response: DON'T GET FREAKED!!!!
Date: 05/20/11 09:20 pm Title: The Single
whoa! AWESOME!
Date: 05/20/11 08:38 pm Title: The Single
Yay!! You updated woot woot!!
Awe man it totally sucks that you're grounded...I loved this chapter and story its SO FREAKIN AMAZING and there are so many twist and turns, its kind of exciting and I can't wait to find out what will happen next eep! Please keep up your marvelous writing and update real soon! :)
Date: 05/09/11 01:56 am Title: Lamia
Oh my god this story is really good!! (:
Date: 05/08/11 06:24 pm Title: Lamia
You went to new york awesome!!! I've always wanted to go there lol. Its okay I just how you had a great time :) I loved this chapter a lot happened and I can't wait to find out what will happen next between tom and jakobe eep!! Please keep up marvelous writing and update real soon!! :)
Date: 04/29/11 04:09 am Title: Welcome To My World
Moore :D ♥
Date: 04/24/11 02:59 pm Title: Welcome To My World
Awe I'm glad I made your day!! =D I loved this chapter, I love this WHOLE STORY its so amazing and intriguing and intense. I can't wait to find out what will happen next with Tom and especially Jakobe eep!! Please keep up your fabulous writing and update real soon. HAPPY EASTER!! ^x^
Author's Response: i'm sorry i take forever. i've been in new york this whole week and i had a ntbk that is filled with chapters so i'll try to update soon. :D
Date: 04/13/11 10:09 pm Title: Crack
whoa.... that was intense... fantastic job!!!!!! i can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!!
Date: 04/13/11 10:00 pm Title: Crack
Holy crap this is amazing!! Poor Jakobe is trapped by a manipulative bitch. Poor Jakobe
Date: 04/13/11 05:38 pm Title: Crack
I loved it! This was a really great chapter. This chapter was really intense it was like I was Jakobe. I'm kinda glad that she wants to trust Tom. I think she should besides he hasn't given her any reason not too. Anyway please keep up your magnificent writing and update real soon I can't wait for more EEP!!! :D
Author's Response: you just made my day. danke!!!!!!
Date: 04/13/11 05:15 pm Title: Crack
Moore :D ♥
Author's Response: aww thank you :)
Date: 04/04/11 11:05 pm Title: Run Home Little One
wow....... this is remarkable..... you do a really good job of getting into both her head and tom's..... fantastic job, and i hope i'll see more of this soon!!!!!!
Date: 04/04/11 08:15 pm Title: Run Home Little One
i love this
i get so enthralled each chapter
:)
Date: 04/04/11 07:21 pm Title: Run Home Little One
I'm speechless. It was really good!! I can't wait to read more and find out what more will happen next. Please keep up your amazing writing and update real soon :)