look!, firts of all i want to put some card on the table:
one: you are an amazing writter, no matter what than person told you, (i want to see is she has the brave and the courage to wrrite a story)

second: I didn't notice any mistake, In my opinio you are a great writter, and I love how this story goes, is just perfect.

and finally three:
you are Mexican and Mexicans rock!!! simple as that :D
I love this story, I love this chapter,and I want to make a trailer so badly! :D

One more thing:
Everytime I read this story and think about Aphrodite, and song come into mi mind:
is from Lady Gaga:
"Im beautiful in my way,
'cause God makes no mistakes,
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way",

:D

Author's Response: :D thankyouu, you made my day!!! ♥rn awe, you would make atraielr for me? that would be the sweetest thing ever! :DDD and yeah that song does fit her :o

Lol I made you blush Im sorry. You're really spoiling us with all these updates i love it and seriously never saw that plot line coming love it you're keeping us all on the edge of our seats thank youuuu x

Author's Response: (: yes your review made me blush. :D

only you tom...

next chapter it was very amazing story and i love it ..i cant wait so long to read your next chapter

Author's Response: ♥

we fancy you too! lol awesome story too :)

Author's Response: ♥ thankyou.

Ok. Well. I suppose I like the idea of this story. But I have to say there is some major defects in your writing style that throws everything you're trying to say off balance. It's like, when I'm reading this I feel the same as when my History teacher begins to lecture.

YOur writing style reminds of reading a lecture. And I don't think you see it. I'm not trying to be mean. But I know I'm going to come off as rude. But you're basically telling a story here. But it's not all about telling. Sometimes you have to make the reader feel what you're saying.

In one of your chapters you put in a little girl named Rayleigh. And she's sitting all alone and crying, right? So I feel that the entire conversation went horribly wrong.

No Kindergartener will ever say. "I'm sorry, I'm just so lonely or sad." This partly has something to do with word formation and five years having a harder time say the letter "L". But at the same time you left her sentence structure so complete. And with Tom. I see how you want to handle the situation, but it was off. One because of her sentence structure. Two because Tom has no real definite personality in this story. And three it wasn't detailed properly. There's this kid, she starts crying. Then she stops? And then Tom says some words and they play. It's weird. Your detail was there, but it was so short.

Also kids- and I know this is only a story, but everything you decide to describe or mimic should be at least mimicked correctly. The little boy that sucked at Algebra. He mentions having a crush on Aphrodite, but no kid will ever say it's her personality that matters and that they don't care about size. I see what you were trying to make Tom understand but if you were going to say it, well it really should have been more childish. That chapter was off just because you put the children on a level of a teenager. Sentences were formed nicely and they spoke well.

Tom and Aphrodite's relationship. I understand you want them to hate each other and then like each other later on. But you dialogue between them is so stiff. It's like a Grandmother and Grandson generations apart talking to eachother. And they both don't like  each other. For one thing. You wrote things like. "Well lock your doors and please hurry up," when she could have said. "Lock your shit and hurry up." No one says "please" to someone they don't like.

Also, about what I said where Tom has no real personality, I really mean that. You're trying to convey him to be this mean casanova guy who dislikes big girls. And by showing that you put in some words about calling her a fat ass. And to many thats acceptable, but at the same time. If Tom is a Casanova then well you should really see it more. I mean you'r like getting ready to write a chapter 6 you know and the only thing your readers know is that Tom has a rich step dad who he wont get money from. But at the same time what else do we really know about Tom.

What I'm trying to say is that your background for your main characters is liking, majorly. I can see that you may not want to talk about the girl until a little later, but what of Tom? This story is basically circled around him. But there isn't much to be known about Tom.

I really hope that you take what I am saying critically, because I honestly wouldn't write a review if I thought you were a hopeless writer. But understand that I am not trying to be mean to you. I am coming off as rude and am fully aware and understand that, but don't take it personally. I'm not saying you suck and I'm not telling you to end this story. I don't have the wirte to say that. But I want you to understand that you are lacking in many areas. And you have a lot of reviews of people liking your story and everything. And I know you feel happy and I may have brought down your mood. But I'm being an honest reveiwer. So well...it just needs a little work and it should be fine.

I suppose questions that you would have to think about is stuff like.

What do I want Tom to be like?

How do I want Aphrodite to act?

What of the guys?

The background?

How much detail is enough, am I going overboard now? Or am I putting in too little?

When you write a story Jumbie. You write it for your readers to like and while it is good to get someone to say "This is so cool, update soon." It's better tohave someone say. "This is ok, but you need to work on..."

I hope you'll take this review to heart and think about what I wrote and pointed out.

Awww, man, I new Tom was an asshole about Aphrodite's weight, but Bill, too? Tsk tsk, I totally expected more of him. *wags a scolding finger at them both*

I have to laugh at the fact that Tom's attempt at being nice actually backfired; perhaps if he'd try to be sincerely nice, things would go right! Buuuut, I feel horrible for Aphrodite. I really like her!

Haha, I'll be over here in the corner, waiting excitedly for another chapter, bby! I'm seriously loving this fic! ♥

Author's Response: haha they're twin brothers! :D haha. anddddddd I hope you weren't waiting in the corner for my response, I feel HORRIBLE for taking forever to reply! D: How about I just give you a hug ;)*hugs* :D there, we cool now? haha

Bill is a jerk, Gustav is a sweetie, Tom is and idiot & Georg, well. I dunno. I haven't decided lol. I can't believe Tom is going to use her like that. Okay, well I can, but u know what I mean. I hope she stays tough & doesn't give in to him too easily. I can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: :D sorry for the late response! Thanks for the review :0

Oh geez Tom's such a douchebag....i swear. i hope Aphrodite does fall for his stupid little plan. -_- anyways...that was GREAT! MORE PLEASE!!!!

Author's Response: dun dun dun... what shall happen? :D thanks! sorry for the late response. I ve been busy. O_O

Oh wow, he choked in front of her....interesting.

this really reminds me of A Walk to Remember.

awesome chapter

Author's Response: Thankyouu! And omg, i just rearead the story and yeah it does sound like A Walk to Remeber? o_O haha i didn't mean it to turn out like that. lol!