Date: 08/25/12 01:54 am Title: Stripped
OMG...heartwrenching! A chance for more?
Date: 02/26/12 11:06 pm Title: Stripped
This... Oh, GODDESS, this was beautiful =') It was so sad, and so sweet, and so STUPID!!!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT, BILL?!?!?! WHY?! Awesome job, Hoshi-san ("hoshi" is "star" in Japanese...^-^). Truly wonderful job. Also, I have some grammatical notes. Well, one, really. Comma-happiness is a grammatical mistake. Now, it's one I'm prone to, although not as much as I once was. Also, comma-splices are grammatical mistakes. The only way I know of to deal with comma-happy errors is to get a beta reader, and hope that by he/she correcting your mistakes, you'll become less comma-happy. However, I can easily explain comma splicing (Sorry if you already know what it is...) ^-^ Okay. Comma splicing is when you have two complete sentences joined only by a comma, instead of a semi-colon. An example of comma splicing in your writing is "I picked up the small backpack from the floor, and scooped up my keys and wallet, I couldn’t stay, couldn’t cause anymore pain, no matter how much it hurt now." This sentence should be "...my keys and wallet. I couldn't stay, couldn't..." or "...keys and wallet; I couldn't stay, couldn't..." (The ellipses (...) stand for the other words in the sentence.) As I said, for the comma-happiness, I suggest getting a beta reader =) It helped me immensely, and I'm sure it can help you as well ^-^ Awesome job on this fic, and I will definitely be reading more of your stuff ^-^
Date: 01/05/11 01:36 am Title: Stripped
Very good. Well done for your first TWC. You should definitely write another one.
Author's Response: -Squee's and glomps- You can only guess what i'm doing now. xDD
Date: 01/04/11 09:11 am Title: Stripped
You couldn't leave it simply like this!!! They don't deserve the world's mean, real-to-life sad ending! They deserve to live happily together! This is too heartbreaking! But it's written so beautifully that I will continue reading if you continue making!
Author's Response: :( Poor Bill and Tom .... They simply can't live in a world as lovers, when everything is going against them. *tear* They can try, but will they ever really be able to enjoy the full splendor of being -together-? I'm debating on a sequel to this...
Date: 01/04/11 04:46 am Title: Stripped
AWWWW Bill.....don't leave, that just brings more misery than ever before. I can't imagine how distraught Tom would be when he woke to find Bill gone. *sobs*
Author's Response: *hands tissue* I can imagine he's going to be devastated... :'( I feel so bad for him and poor Bill... :( Bill should get it through his thick head, that it's not possible for him t bring misery to Tom, when Tom's source of happiness IS Bill. *shakes head*
Date: 01/02/11 08:51 pm Title: Stripped
It goes without saying that this story is very well-written. All it needs is a sequel (hint, hint...).
Author's Response: Thank you :D Oh mannn! So many want a sequel! :D Hahaha, i'm thinking about it! :3
Date: 01/02/11 06:30 pm Title: Stripped
D, you asked for a heartfelt review, not a typical TSOA-style review. You know I am bad at this.
But here's what I have to say: I think it's beautiful, just the snippit of timeframe-with so much emotion bursting at the seams. It's beautifully written, and I am going to add it to the favorites bin. I think it's amazing what you write- you write so well for someone your age. I am slightly intimidated.... XD
Author's Response: *_* Oh, heartfelt review, AND favorites? :D Danke liebe! I'm happy you enjoyed it. :D
Date: 01/02/11 05:15 pm Title: Stripped
Oh wow, that was stunningly beautiful! I'm all teary now *___* I don't normally enjoy reading first person narrative but wow, WOW that was amazing. It was bursting with all those raw emotions, really powerful! I loved this, it was beautiful :)
*love*
Author's Response: #__# I love this review. Just so you know. *huggles*
Date: 01/02/11 01:50 pm Title: Stripped
Awww! What an absolutely lovely story! *_*
"-that fate gave me a twin for a lover." awww ;_; I can feel his pain here. Beautiful sentence!
I tend to hate first person, BUT when it's combined with "you" I tend to really love it. It's just so poetic to me when done right, and I think you did :D Good job!!
Author's Response: Thank you Anette darling. :3 your reviews make me smile, squeal, and clap like a fangirl. :D
Date: 01/02/11 01:23 pm Title: Stripped
Looove it.
You should do a sequel :D
Author's Response: :3 I'm pondering the idea... Not quite sure though. xD Thank you for the review though :D
Date: 01/02/11 12:20 pm Title: Stripped
That was a very touching, little piece of a story.
The feeling you put in there have been overwhelming and the fact that is actually Tom's point of view's only helping to get the worse goose bumps EVER.
I'd love to see more from this, but as a one-shot is as good as if it was a mini-fic.
I like the way you write. It makes you FEEL what the character's feeling.
Great job, honey. It's one of your best stories. I agree with Manda. -nods-
Lots of love for you.
Author's Response: Awe :) Thank you love.
Date: 01/02/11 12:01 pm Title: Stripped
so sad, but it was beautiful
Author's Response:
-Rockstar101
Date: 01/02/11 10:53 am Title: Stripped
Can you hear that? That is the sound of my heart breaking...it was incredible..
but if you ever have time, I would love it if you continued this.
Thank you for sharing X
Author's Response:
Oh thank you! I am thinking about making this a small four chapter story. Though it's looking like it will stay closed. :( I don't want to ruin a good thing, ya know?
rn-Rockstar101
Date: 01/02/11 09:52 am Title: Stripped
it's quite hard to read when you write in first person, but story is good!
Author's Response:
-Rockstar101
Date: 01/02/11 09:31 am Title: Stripped
I really liked it! At first I was a bit skeptical to you writing as "I" (just because I don't usually like to read it like that), but I found it to be fitting for the story.
I like how you built everything up, and mixed the different scenes with eachother. I think it was a very fitting ending as well, making it very complete. Keep up the good work :)
Author's Response:
Thank you for the kind review. I will have to try to write more shots, or even stories like this. :)
-Rockstar101
Date: 01/02/11 06:43 am Title: Stripped
This is really good! :-) You have a good writing style. I like how dramatic the story is... I have a thing for those at them moment. ;-)
Author's Response:
-Rockstar101