Such progress :) Bill is developing extremely fast right now. This chapter shows how he feels about being there on a basic level. He's realising a lot of what Tom tries to tell him is true. The substantial things he's missing he's finding in the Lapp household. The tiresome stress and superficial needs of the modern man is not making him happy. The simplicity of the Amish is surprisingly what he was looking for. Tom is the type of person he could settle down with and be nothing but satisfied on every level.

When He realises what Tom is trying to tell him between the liens, he becomes insecure. He understands that Tom would probably want him to stay with the Lapps forever. I'm sure he would want that some how but he doesn't have the imagination to believe that the family wouldn't mind that. He'd feel like he would be a burden at some point. However, if you're with a family - then you're with it. In a funny way, he's already adopted :D

Tom is developing too, but he does that every chapter. I'll get back to him after their town trip.

This was so lovely. Thanks for the wonderful update.

*Maria

Great chapter! XD

*Goes quickly to the next chapter*

All I have to say is...poor Tom! *goes to read next chapter*

I'm intrigued over what might have instilled fear in Tom and I'm loving this story so much! Bill has gotten used to life with the Lapps quite easily and while I know things can remain lovey dovey forever, I'm adoring the way Tom and Bill are getting closer in the meantime.

You weren't kidding when you said this would be descriptive, lol. I'm very happy I started reading this, it is very well written and I definitely like the idea of the plot. I'm also very happy there is seven chapters already waiting for me to read! XD Which I mostly likely won't be able to stop reading until it's done. Anywho, this is a great start and I will be sure to keep reviewing as I go :)

WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!! new chapter -danes the polka- wwooot!!!!!!!!loved this chapter cant wait to see what happens next....

It's an interesting study of Tom at this point. From scared out of his mind with how his quiet world had changed when he gave in to 'lust' (the kiss) and now he's at peace, and actually enjoying his feelings for Bill, acting them out and finding a loving and genuine response form the boy of his affections. It's like he's trying to capture what he can while there is still time. Once Bill is gone, Tom will still marry Anna and settle down, lead a quiet life as he's supposed to. At least, he will have the memory of Bill... if that's how his future will look like *winks*

Still loving this story, Amy. It's so good and heart felt.

*hugs*
Maria

Author's Response: Ahhh, IF that's how his future will turn out... so many, many options! ^_^ Thank you, Maria. *hugs*

Hey I've been following this story for a few days and I'm more or less caught up, and I thought maybe you wouldn't mind a little concrit?

I really love the premise of this story, and the plot is very interesting and realistic enough, but I've found it really hard to concentrate on the story at parts. I think you've been trying a little too hard to fill out the scenes, and the description is excessive. When you're trying to get a point across, ask yourself how consequential it is to the plot. For example, do you really need eight lines just to say that Bill was surprised that the Lapps play Scrabble? Considering that that really is not a point critical to the plot, you could have left it at "the Lapp’s loved that game, much to Bill’s surprise." The readers can infer for themselves that Bill was surprised because of the Lapps Amish lifestyle and general work ethic, since you already stress it several times throughout the story. I skipped most of that paragraph while reading because I just didn't find it necessary. This seems to happen a lot in the story; at times you get lost in describing every detail and it can be a lot to get through.

While it's important to illustrate your scenes in your readers' minds, once the scene has been established, it isn't necessarily to reiterate details every time the characters return to a particular setting. I know that you want to make the story sound the best you can [I know because I have done this before an awful lot, too, believe me], but you don't need to add so much description every time anything happens. A good example of this is your dialogue. Everything every character says is embedded in a paragraph of description, but it gets tiring to read through all of that just to follow a conversation.

For example, take this line:
“Yeah…” Bill stated with a deep, audible intake of air, his shoulders rising up toward his ears with the motion.

It would be just as effective, if not moreso, to phrase it like this:
"Yeah…" Bill sighed, shrugging.

I know sometimes you want to switch things up, but you shouldn't fear using simple phrases like that. It reads so much more smoothly to the reader; not every single line in a fic has to be a beautiful turn of phrase. Sometimes you need to elaborate, but if you always elaborate, then it becomes difficult to read. Instead, during dialogue, unless it's particularly significant, it's perfectly fine and often preferred to use simple wording to create imagery.

There seems to be a disproportionate balance between dialogue and description, and that can bore your reader. I think part of the problem is that there is a little too much telling in the description, and too much showing where it isn't needed. That is, you have an excess of sensory images where they aren't always necessary [such as in dialogue tags], and an excess of telling ["Bill feels this way; Bill feels that way"] when it could be expressed through showing. If you used more showing to express how Bill feels instead of just exposing to the reader his bare thought process, you would probably have more dialogue, and it would also be more interesting to follow than just paragraphs of thought. One of the best ways to show how a character is feeling is through his interactions with other characters. For example, in this last chapter, you included an entire page length of Bill thinking between one line of dialogue and the next, in the same conversation. That's awfully distracting to the flow of the conversation, and usually when characters are conversing, the reader doesn't want to be interrupted. I skipped over a lot of that, too, because it seemed unnecessary and I wanted to know what Tom said. Instead of spelling out each and every one of Bill's thoughts, it's far more effective to reveal how he's feeling through dialogue and actions.

It might take longer and you might not be able to convey everything you wanted, but you'll find that it isn't always necessary for the readers to hear every single thought in Bill's head.

Something else that I've noticed is that, while this story is told in Bill's point of view, you will occasionally slip to Tom's POV, or to another character's. I understand that sometimes you want to explain a character's action and it is easier to do so by having them narrate a line or two, but it causes a lot of confusion for the reader when 99% of the story is told from Bill's POV. If you're going to have switches in POV, they should be frequent and more or less equal in length; that is, if Tom is going to give his input, then he should consistently narrate entire chunks of the story, not just a line here and a paragraph there. It's confusing, awkward, and disrupts the flow of Bill's narration. On a similar note, it would also be helpful if you used less pronouns. You didn't mention Bill's name once for the first three paragraphs of chapter seven, and even though he's the main character, I was confused because you had switched once to Tom's POV as well and I couldn't be sure who it was. It's also just a little awkward; in the first chapter, you mentioned Bill's name only twice in the first seven paragraphs. Even though he was the only character at the time, reading "he" over and over gets repetitive.

I know you warned that this story would be descriptive, but I thought it would be fair to let you know that lengthy description is not always your friend. Using succinct, to-the-point language every now and then [because using too much of that won't do you any favors, either] can be extremely effective and you shouldn't be afraid to use it. Overly descriptive writing can be just as frustrating as overly simplistic writing, but hopefully I gave you some tips that will help you find a balance. :)

Author's Response: Yay constructive criticism! It's rare to receive that, and especially in such depth. Thank you so, so much for the tips, Ghostie. :) While writing chapter 8 (actually before this review, so a good while ago), I found myself slipping into Tom's POV and was all, "O_O Oh god, how many times have I done this without realizing it?!" So I'll definitely be paying more attention to that, as well as the over-abundance of pronouns. Aye, it's amazing what you notice after someone points it out, if even just once. (Deleted three paragraphs of really, reaaaally unnecessary description from chapter 8 before posting, that I probably wouldn't have questioned before you pointed out my tendency to do that!) So, thanks again!! :')

This was such a lovely, sweet chapter :) I'm so happy to see Tom actually happy, going with his feelings, being light-hearted and smiling so much - though I'm sure it's not a lasting state of things. I wonder though how Bill feels, at the moment it almost seems he's more considerate over wanting to get Tom to act on his feelings, "come out of the closet", not feel quilty than he seems really like he wants to be with Tom, for being Tom.

Author's Response: Aw yay, I'm glad you think so. And yeah, Bill's being a bit silent on his own feelings, isn't he? We'll have to see how that plays out. ;) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :))