Date: 04/12/11 08:17 pm Title: Chapter 2
I thought that this was interesting. Now do I get cookies and cream?
Date: 04/12/11 08:17 pm Title: Chapter 2
I thought that this was interesting. Now do I get cookies and cream?
Date: 11/27/10 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 4
okay....i like this. no gore. and Andreas and Georg are such a cute couple!!!
Author's Response: Arent they? :) they make me so happy. I'm sorry to inform you... but the gore will come back... but not for a while... i don't think. We'll see, I'm writing this as I go along.
Date: 11/27/10 01:22 pm Title: Chapter 4
Poor Andreas, he seems so scared. I just wanna give him a hug and never let go, you know.. :(
The president seems like a bastard. Just saying.. And what were those ten shots at the end? Was he man killed, or did he just hear them go off somewhere else?
Oh, and another thing - you messed up a bit in the end, writing 452 insteead of 483 (I assume it was meant to be the same one) so you might want to get that sorted.
Final question: There's a line where you write "Humanoid and 452 were wonderfully useful." Assuming 452 is actually 483, that's confusing to me. I though Humanoid and 483 were the same! Or is it just that either 483 or Humanoid are genereal terms for a kind/breed, and that the other is that specific beings (nick)name? It's not too clear in the story since you keem switching them up.. Try being a bit more concistent, it makes it a bit easier for the readers to follow ;)
Author's Response: No 483 and 452 are different 'people'. 452's a robot and 483's a Humanoid. And at the end, the ten shots were 452 killing the guards and the families of said guards.
Date: 11/27/10 01:15 pm Title: Chapter 3
They call him both Humanoid and 483? I thought that was his room, not his name..
I don't mind the gore. Honestly I think it makes him more realistic concidering you try to have him come off as a truly diabolical assassin. But...he uses his eye to drain people of their memories and shit? Now that I find rather nasty! :p Yeah, I know I'm slightly twisted. But, it's the eye..I mean, you don't put your eye to things, it's gross!
Author's Response: So I shall explain it to you. Humanoid is what he is. 483 is the number he was given when he was created. He is experiment 483 who also happens to be a Humanoid.
Date: 11/27/10 01:09 pm Title: Chapter 2
What is it they're all afraid of?
Oh, and the last to pararaphs were already witten. It was kind of confusing how you seemed to jump back in time, but then I realized I'd already read them. You might want to delete them ;)
Author's Response: hehe oops! Thanks.
Date: 11/27/10 01:06 pm Title: Prologue
Haha, silly Tom getting everyone into trouble XD
This is qute an interesting start, and I love how we're just thrown into the middle of it. Hopefully all the information we need will come later, but for a prologue I think it's good. It's "Action!" and the GO! :)
I wonder what happens next..
Date: 11/22/10 07:48 pm Title: Chapter 3
EWWWW!!!! oh, that was so gory!!!! he went in his chest.....and pulled out the.....and then he.....oh gosh, im gonna have nightmares about this. but i love this story, and i'd love to see where it goes!! *shudders from goriness*
Author's Response: Oh I know..... It's pretty gross. I had nightmares from writing it because Horror is sooooo not my thing.
Author's Response: Oh I know..... It's pretty gross. I had nightmares from writing it because Horror is sooooo not my thing.
Date: 11/22/10 04:06 pm Title: Chapter 3
Yeaaaay... Psycho Bill again... =)))
Date: 11/09/10 09:33 am Title: Chapter 2
this story is really, really good, and i can't wait for more!!! but the last two paragrapghs seem to be repeats of what happened before the story switched over to Bill. besides that, i am seriously anticipating the next chapter. really good job.