i'm both scared and excited to find out! continue soon!

I have like zero time, but I had to stop by this fic. I've had yet to read any of your fics darling, and when this popped up on my screen by pure chance, I clicked it. I only have time for chapter one today, forgive me. I do not by -any means- mean to pick on you, but... did you by chance, say you had a beta reader for this? Oh love, there is quite some confusion with your tenses here. Is it all right if I use paragraph one as an example? (I hope to the Greek gods you don't mind. ^^") Assuming you're writing in present tense, third person omniscient narrative:

'Bill stands up as the bus stops by the corner where he has been waiting for the past ten minutes. TakingTake a very deep breath, the dreadlocked male walks over to the very back of the bus where his throne awaits. He keepskept his head **down and throwsthrew a few dirty glares at those who dare look at him longer than three seconds. Stare; stare at him and prepare to see your whole life play in front of you as you start to melt from his piercing eyes.*** Bill couldcan almost be considered a social reject if it were not for his interesting reputation. For this, he was granted to have his own quiet and kingly seat atin the very back of the bus.'

That which is marked ** is maybe a little awkward considering you continue on to say that he's glaring at people. I might suggest using the word lowered instead, but I suppose 'down' is not entirely incorrect. That which is marked *** is just an awkward sentence in itself, I think you may want to reword entirely. It's a little hard for the reader to grasp, at least from my point of view. Perhaps a little switching up is in order, you might want to say that your life plays before you, his piercing eyes powerful enough to melt... metal? I don't know. ^^" That's just my suggestion.

I love this: 'At first glance, that kid has nothing going on but swag, swag, swag...' That's our Gusti~ XD Haha. Though, perhaps you should be cautious and not speak to him using improper grammar, because he'll use some creative form of punishment that involves the Grammar Police Force. :P (You might want to reevaluate that as well, your use of conjunctions is a little awkward as well.) You start the third paragraph with a fragment as well, I'd like to mention. Ah, you know I'm sorry, I'm being absolutely terrible. I'm writing my review as I'm reading, I shouldn't be so inconsiderate. *goes to finish*

All right, I think your concept is cool. I'm worried by Bill's character, my oh my~ I wonder what his family is like, seeing as there is mentions of his mother and gifts and whatnot. A victim Tom would be interesting, I don't think I'm used to that! I can't really imagine any romantic or sexual chemistry between them at this point, which is good, because it'll be neat to see how it unfolds later. I'm sure it's all very interesting. :D Anyways, if I was too much please tell me. I just wanted to help. Your story is great, it just needs so grammar-polishing. Keep writing! :)

(Ugh I've had to re-submit this review like four times - stupid HTML coding! D:< Sorry hon!)

Author's Response: OMG PHAT Review.rnrnActually, I said it specifically on the first chapter that it is unbeta'd. At the time, there wasn't anyone willing to beta my story so I took the risk and posted it without being beta'd. I know I have many many many painful errors in tenses and other technical aspects. I appreciate you telling me about it and explaining what I did wrong :3 The rest of the story is beta'd, however and I hope it's not as painful to read. ^^;;; rnrnI plan on having the entire story beta read when I rewrite it though and I hope that with the help of beta-readers, I'll be able to finally learn my grammar. English isnt my first language, so that might explain it. Even though, I've been speaking it for years, I have yet to figure it out, I'm sorry. ;_;rnrnVictim Tom is something I never thought I'd do, really.I would have never thought months ago that I'd be writing a mystery but I did, and since then, I'm seeing myself writing more things I'm not used to rather than the ones I feel comfortable with XDD Quite weirdly, I can't write those "comfortable" stories anymore. rnrnThank you so much for the constructive criticism! I'm so happy you took the time to read the first chapter and I hope that even though it's a bit ... irritating, you'll be intrigued to read the rest :3 *hugs*

Interesting, I'm curious =)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!

I think he would take Tom home and rape him O,o

Bill kinda scares me =S

Author's Response: XDD Bill scares me too :3 Thanks for the review!

no, thank you for writing and letting us read it! :D

Author's Response: XDD No thank YOU for clicking and reading it!! ;)

Really good story, cant wait for a new chapter

Author's Response: Awwwww why thank you, Sie ^^

I curious about Bill's mother. Why would she be proud of him killing someone? 

And oh noo poor Tomi won't stand a chance against Bill!! 

It was good of Tom not to believe the rumours, but Georg and Susan went missing right after Bill dragged them off, he should be a little suspicious.

Author's Response: Hmm, but nobody saw Bill drag them off ;) Except Mr. Harry of course :3

Woah. xD When I started this I was like 'wtf smut?!' and realized I had not read ch. 3. o.o
The smut on that one was so amazing btw...

Ch.4~
It was more of an how this and that is happening. I love the beginning wit Bill & Tom interacting like that...
Bill's lol. xD It's always hard to see Bill like that... to ME. But I'm loving his persona. Tom's like so and so. But he did seem to know when to stop...

His plan, Bill's plan? Idk make Tom join his evilnessnessnesssssss xDDDD NO. He will make Tom his victim then has bondage?!?!
lmfao I'm too tired to think. O_O

good chapter Jiller. xD [omg i wrote 'killer' first xD KILLER JILLER.]

Author's Response: Really? I'm so glad you liked the smut! It's my very first! rnBill is a little nuts in the head, or at least that's how I imagine him XDD But gawd, just imagine him laughing by himself while licking the cum. XD I find that part weird and hot. rnOMG BONDAGE?! XDDD *puts it in idea vault* rnXDDD Killer!!! New nickname?! I think so! Thanks for the lovely review, Cherry!! Don't worry, I'll review you back ;)

OH MY BANANA MAKE MORE FUCK UR REALLY GOOD AT WRITING! ;o

Author's Response: OMG really?! Thank you so much!!!